"meaning in my life"
you supply the meaning to your life peacemaker
your gifts are recoverable; no worries on that score.
the alcohol is not gonna lead you out of the funk...
quit that crutch pronto. there's no need to dig yourself
into a deeper hole.
i'm thinking that your situation has developed as a means
for you to ponder on the word "application". you've had
certain skills and abilities, yet been uncertain of where
and how to apply them [is that right?] also, you may have
thought that these unusual gifts have given you "an edge",
and somehow allowed yourself to become (too) reliant on
having them as a source of joy for you... without having
applied them to some 'worthwhile' purpose. i do not
believe that your happiness is reliant on having those
specific skills. having them removed (temporarily) has
provided you the opportunity to discover that fact. you
don't need an edge, and you don't need to compete in
any way in order to bring happiness into your life.
i don't believe you've made a mistake.
i'm convinced that karma is unrelated to this.
follow the path that feels good to you.
you provide life with meaning; do it with joy!
i suspect that your teacher is your own "higher self";
imagine the person that you'd like to become, and
then move in the ways that bring you closer to that.
be well peacemaker