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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 10-02-2018, 11:26 PM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_love
Well turns out, things have gotten complex. I feel frustrated/angry and betrayed now because my need for honesty hasn't been met.

Here is the background story. In the last three weeks of my job, at a refugee center, I met two new female co-workers. One single and the other in an unhappy relationship (C.) I had strong chemistry with both girls and I think that C. actually might've had a crush on me. I've experienced some heavy incidents with both of them (like stabbings) In the incidents and turbulance I was present both emotionally and physically in pulling the team through as a leader.

Despite C’s looks, our casual flirts and mutual attraction I didn’t invest in her because she has a boyfriend. On the last day I met(N.), her friend. N. and I had something special so we dated eachother.

Now it turns out that these three girls have been close friends for years and do activities as a group. C. told another co-worker to tell me about the girl I dated (N.) that she is lesbian and not interested in men.

This situation has made me upset and confused for several reasons. First of all I think it might have to do with C’s jealousy and her saboting her friend… if she can’t have me then no-one can. Worse even would be that I misread TRILIONS of signs and dated this new girl while she has no interested in man :/. I don’t get it.. what is up with that and If she is not interested in man, why didn’t she bother to tell me this and keep me on a leash?

I feel led on and venting here helps! :).

Venting is good at times like this.

However, you want honesty and I reckon you've expected rather a lot. For a start they're colleagues and workplace romances are never good. Someone gets egg on their face when things go wrong. Attempting to cultivate them as friends would have been easier on all but your real motive went a bit beyond just friendship, I'm guessing. It may still be possible to revert to friendship, as long as neither think you're keen to go out with them. Women can usually tell when a man's motives are less than altruistic, believe me. They probably think you're after you-know-what. That's how lesbian came into it, jealousy or not.

What you have to beware is the mind-gaming. Try to be aloof. Smile, be polite now things have gone as far as they have. I mean, don't avoid them but be sure none of your behaviour suggests flirting or dating and cut out any expectations...which might be interpreted that you're playing (or being) hard to get - and in this situation what's wrong with that?

The only real alternative is to give up on them.
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  #12  
Old 11-02-2018, 09:38 AM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: England
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All sounds quite tricky.

Agree with Lorelyen; keep smiling and cut ties with them all completely, in a way of pursuing anything on a romantic level.

I have had a work romance before years ago and it didn't end well. Not to say they all end badly, but the saying ''Don't poke the payroll'' is there for a reason.

I do think you're looking for this strong chemistry you desire, truth be told. Others may deem a strong chemistry in a friendly way. Between this story and your message to that girl it all seems a bit full on to the reader and you're one step away from marriage proposal

It's highly unlikely you had a strong chemistry with both girls in a romantic way (I'm assuming?). One person's perception of chemistry differs from another's at times.

Leave them be, keep smiling and don't waste anymore of your precious energy on them. It really isn't a 'problem' at all.

We think we have problems, but we don't
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  #13  
Old 11-02-2018, 10:12 AM
Dreamer_love Dreamer_love is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: in your heart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OEN34
All sounds quite tricky.

Agree with Lorelyen; keep smiling and cut ties with them all completely, in a way of pursuing anything on a romantic level.

I have had a work romance before years ago and it didn't end well. Not to say they all end badly, but the saying ''Don't poke the payroll'' is there for a reason.

I do think you're looking for this strong chemistry you desire, truth be told. Others may deem a strong chemistry in a friendly way. Between this story and your message to that girl it all seems a bit full on to the reader and you're one step away from marriage proposal

It's highly unlikely you had a strong chemistry with both girls in a romantic way (I'm assuming?). One person's perception of chemistry differs from another's at times.

Leave them be, keep smiling and don't waste anymore of your precious energy on them. It really isn't a 'problem' at all.

We think we have problems, but we don't

I appreciate the reality check guys, it helps to put things into perspective!
I might have strong feelings because I actually quit my job there and will start working someplace new in a few weeks.. so there is alot going on with my emotionally because of that anyway.

Technically I am not a co-worker with any of them..

I think lowering my expections and goals from ''romantic relationship'' to ''hot threesome with two lesbians'' could help to throw off that white-knight attitude that is restricting my creativity .
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