This year I've had a few dreams with the same theme-
A female bothering me with no regards to my emotions.
I was with my bestie at a food court.
I was wearing a skirt but she wanted to lift my skirt to clean my underwear or something (dreams are weird lol).
I pushed her away and said, "No!" There were people everywhere, I don't want them to see my skirt!
She kept trying to grab at my skirt and I pulled away each time until finally,
she got so infuriated with me that she yelled at me and stormed off while everyone looked at me.
My older sister was sitting on top of me while I struggled to breathe and there kids sitting in a circle around us. No one bothered to care...
I was in a bathroom, trying to use the toilet when suddenly a lady barges in with knee high socks in her hands.
She grabbed me and sat me on a bathtub, pulling off my pants and shoes and forcing the sock on my leg.
I struggled and tried to stop her but she didn't care, so I eventually just gave in.
In another dream, it didn't involve a female bothering me, but I thought it was important.
I was inside a vertical cylinder tank filled with water. I couldn't move and I saw a meter that displayed my health.
There was 100-0 in white, and it showed I was steadily draining, past 0, into a dangerous red.
After that, the top part of the tank disappeared and I was in the ocean.
Staring lifelessly ahead of me, I saw a figure come speeding towards me and it was a shark!
It opened its mouth and gnawed right through me viscously!
My body was frozen, there was no indication of pain, but inside me, I heard myself cry and scream frantically in pain!
The shark was hurting my soul!
Then suddenly I was pulled out of the tank and onto dry floor.
A girl, maybe a teen, saved me!
In my dream it said it was my sister, but she looked nothing like my sisters (she wasn't Asian xP).
In this life, I have cried in front of my mom and brother, even in public, and no one offered sympathy.
I felt no one cared for me.
I felt no one could understand my pain, no one soothed me with comforting words and hugs... It's like, who cares if you cry?...
Maybe some woman in past life made me feel that my feelings shouldn't be cared for and it carried to this life?
Recently, I developed a strong crush towards a guy I barely know and I get major reactions towards him that he doesn't know about.
I keep crying that he loves someone else, but right now he has been separated from his girlfriend, whom he had a child with, for long time now...
I don't understand why I have such intense feelings towards him!
When I think I him, I think how I want to love him and be with him...
Then suddenly I feel I must run away as fast as possible!
Well, a few days ago, I suddenly remembered a dream I had a long time ago... In it, I was with someone I loved, then I went to sleep on a couch. When I was sleeping, my best friend came into the room and the two of them embraced each other romantically and I woke from the couch crying in heartbreak, "You knew I loved him!"
I woke up after that.
One of greatest wishes is to find my true love, so to be cheated on, especially by my best friend whom I loved like a sister, who knows almost everything about me, was so heartbreaking!!!!
Well, when I remembered that dream, I started crying heavily, imagining my crush with my bestie.
Then suddenly something incredible happened, I can't describe it well, but it felt like I opened up something from deep in my heart.
I cried so much saying, "You're my best friend! Why would you do this to me?" I felt so much pain...and yet healing at the same time.
I think in a past life, I was betrayed by the two people whom I was so vulnerable with, the two I trusted my life with. I feel so strongly about this that I feel like my heart is broken as if it actually happened.
Well, they have worked together and they both seem to be on the same wavelength than I and him... But she has a boyfriend and really loves him and she doesn't work with my crush anymore.
But if anything should happen in the future... Then I must not let my feelings for my crush continue further.
A good relationship cannot develop like this...
I think they would be better together actually...
But anyways, a long time ago, in 2011, I fell in love with someone who was already married...But I felt like I knew him...
I never tried anything because he was married, but oh it was heartbreaking I couldn't be with him... I loved him so much... I didn't get over him for many 2 years.
But it was good nothing happened. He had wife and kids and honestly, I felt I've outgrown him. He was very critical, naggy, and wouldn't "see underneath the surface." He wanted me to be more than I could be. I haven't seen him ever since.
So connecting some dots, and not sure if I'm right, but I would say that in a past life, I had an overly controlling mother who had no regards to my feelings.
So as I grew up, I wanted men to love me to fill that void. Unfortunately, I attracted men who treated me like my mother.
They wanted me to fulfill their own desires without regards to my own feelings or wishes. (in real life, I have indeed attracted men like these).
I think how my past life mother treated me skewed my perception of love. I guess I believe that love is pain, restriction, and being unequal to your man... Then, one day I find some man, whom I think I married, and he cheated on me with my best friend. The married guy I mentioned earlier was the man from dream. Well, I also believed that I was so crushed from being cheated on that I hurt others. I wanted them to feel my pain. To know what it's like to have their love taken from them...
For a long time, I had felt guilty or ashamed of myself, and I never knew why.
But yesterday when I cried thinking I had actually hurt people because of my own hurt, I felt pain AND healing. So it must have happened in past life right?
So in this life, I have been attracted to married or taken men and felt an allure to seduce them, but I never do because it's wrong. I can feel deep inside me some wish to harm others, but it doesn't feel like me, it feels like from my past life. I've also had many dreams of being chased by a monster or a ghost that intended me harm.
now, wants to do good, I believe that everybody is fighting a hard battle, so we must be kind. I believe in true love and God. The dark side of me needs healing, and that's what I'm trying to do...
Since I'm going through the dark night of the soul, I have been experiencing lots of intense fears and feelings, and I guess even my past life's feelings. I am being healed so I can move forward, out of the darkness that I have been living in, and into the light with Christ.
I believe in God, and have been asking for help through what i'm going through, and I have felt much healing, especially when I told God I surrender to Him and want to follow his path and not my own, since that would only send me int he same cycle of heartbreak. I pray to God to free me from this, but when you're in the dark for so long, the light hurts so much... He is patiently helping me adjust to the light so that i may live a new life where He knows true happiness and love lies...