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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 20-10-2017, 04:57 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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I think you have to go the other way and face your self-hatred. You are inherently lovable, as we all are, but in order to really know that you've got to see through the illusions you harbour about yourself - maybe you think you're stupid, or ugly, or incompetent, or just congenitally unworthy of love. It's hard to recognise these beliefs in ourselves because there's a lot of pain attached to them, and it is ultimately that pain that we're trying to avoid - the truth can be very painful (though that's only because we've been living in ignorance), but it's also the truth that ultimately liberates.

So increase your sensitivity to yourself, and listen to the stories behind your feelings - if those feelings could talk, what would they say? And bear in mind that you can't work these things out on a purely mental level, you've got to let yourself feel.
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  #12  
Old 20-10-2017, 05:12 PM
CrystalSong CrystalSong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyCrystal
The most important relationship in life is the one with yourself. Yet, it is also the one we mostly not tend to. How many of us struggle with loving ourselves, and I mean really loving ourselves?
We cannot really engage in interdependent relationships with a partner -which truly are the only really nourishing and healthy form- if we don't love ourselves.

I myself am struggling with it. I do love myself, but I wobble. I have problems with self-esteem and self-worth.
And I also struggle with how to get to loving myself more, how to increase my feeling of self-worth. In general life I'm doing okay, it's mostly in love relationships that it becomes a problem. I know the reason for that, but now I'm looking for answers to 'how to love myself, increase self-esteem and worthiness?'
I'm kinda stuck...

Then I asked myself; "What exactly is it I feel I fall short off and/or lack?"
I had never asked myself that question before, and for a few minutes I seriously didn't know the answer. Then it came to me...
I fear I am not interesting enough, that when the initial buzz wears off people will find me boring. That I'm not intriguing enough, not funny enough.
Phew, typing that out hurts, literally, my heart chakra, my solar plexus and I believe my 2nd chakra. But mostly my solar plexus.

Quite the eye-opener for me. In general I knew I feared not being good enough, but never stopped to wonder exactly what I feared not being good enough at.
I think I fear that after the initial enthusiasm wears off others -and esp my partner- will come to think that I'm really not all that interesting, but in actual fact really quite boring.
The fact I have no job adds to that in a way. I do have goals in life and plenty of things to do, but in spite of that I have no real future prospective.
I'm home every day, so nothing special ever happens, not really. So I fear I have nothing of value or interest to add to the relationship.
Now I'm thinking I'm likely overestimating the importance of being employed when it concerns 'adding value to the relationship'. (not talking financial value here).
Kind of stupid, cos I don't feel I'm not good enough when it comes to me myself and I, yet when it comes to a partner, I suddenly feel what I am and what I got to offer isn't good enough.

Anyhow...
- What do you do to increase love of Self?
- Does it really pay off?

Interestingly enough the Self-Love Crystal Array is the one people's Higher Selves most choose for them to have. I've seen remarkable results from it. Sometimes we do the work, heal vast amounts inside and come into new understandings with ourselves but still stay stuck in out dated energies. This array seems to clear those out dated energies out. I've been agog watching the changes in people afterwards! So maybe some energy work around Self-love would be beneficial.

I do highly recommend getting out more, a job, or maybe volunteering somewhere as a Candy striper, with a animal rescue, with children, or Habitat for Humanity - Something! Being a Stay-at-home person is a plateau, just a holding still pattern, little new information or character forming happening. Which is fine when we become elderly, but isn't useful when we're younger and as you said - it stunts what you have to talk about and share and even relate to with another, and stops you from developing new abilities, understanding and inner personal development.

As frustrating as it can be at times - we humans evolve and grow exponentially under challenge. It is a huge growth engine for us, whereas playing it safe and not exposing our self to challenge and new things has the opposite effect and is almost a mechanism for de-volving.
So rejoin life, get out there a mix, find something to commit to and do it until it's no longer interesting and challenging, then find something else to delve into and explore and learn from. :)
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  #13  
Old 20-10-2017, 06:31 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalSong
Interestingly enough the Self-Love Crystal Array is the one people's Higher Selves most choose for them to have. I've seen remarkable results from it. Sometimes we do the work, heal vast amounts inside and come into new understandings with ourselves but still stay stuck in out dated energies. This array seems to clear those out dated energies out. I've been agog watching the changes in people afterwards! So maybe some energy work around Self-love would be beneficial.

I do highly recommend getting out more, a job, or maybe volunteering somewhere as a Candy striper, with a animal rescue, with children, or Habitat for Humanity - Something! Being a Stay-at-home person is a plateau, just a holding still pattern, little new information or character forming happening. Which is fine when we become elderly, but isn't useful when we're younger and as you said - it stunts what you have to talk about and share and even relate to with another, and stops you from developing new abilities, understanding and inner personal development.

As frustrating as it can be at times - we humans evolve and grow exponentially under challenge. It is a huge growth engine for us, whereas playing it safe and not exposing our self to challenge and new things has the opposite effect and is almost a mechanism for de-volving.
So rejoin life, get out there a mix, find something to commit to and do it until it's no longer interesting and challenging, then find something else to delve into and explore and learn from. :)
It is almost impossible for me to work due to a neck injury. That's the reason I am at home, it's not my choice, I have little choice in the matter.
But I've already turned around that belief about 'a job makes you interesting', as it's not true. It can help, yes, but it ain't a default.
In many ways I have much more to offer and I go through much more personal growth than someone who does work because I have the freedom, time and energy to do this.
When I was still working I'd often planned to do such things, but when I got home I wanted to just chill, then there was cooking, household, children, and so on. I just didn't get around to it, or not nearly as much as when not employed.
Apart from that, having a job doesn't necessarily make you more interesting. You don't talk about work unless something special has happened. Plus, most people are stuck in jobs that don't really make them happy. I mean, ask 100 people if they would still do that job if they didn't need it to make a living and I'm quite certain 99% would answer "no way!"

The advantage you have when employed is that can you get recognition and appreciation, but even that isn't guaranteed, as many employed people feel under-appreciated for never ever getting that.

I have to seek other sources for appreciation and recognition, and I feel I am succeeding at that. Maybe even more so than an employed person who is being taken for granted by their employer.
As for standing still... I don't stand still, I actually learn much more than when employed. I got so much time to explore, share, read, and so on.
In that sense I often felt employment held me back, because I simply lacked time to do all these things (I have a great many interests!)
So all in all, not too bad. Okay, I have little money to spend, that is a major drawback.

The man in my life doesn't feel I am uninteresting or boring, on the contrary. Yes, I said in my OP I had this fear he would, but I'd already worked out that he wouldn't still be with me for over a year if he felt that way. He's like me, inquisitive mind, needs food for thought and so on. I am perfectly able to give him that. And just now I talked to him about it, which was good :)

I feel a lot better about it, and glad to be able to turn that 'a job is so important' thing around to appreciating what I have, what I do, what I have to offer, which is a heck of a lot! Also one of the reasons he fell for me, even though I hadn't been employed for 6 years when I met him.

The last few days certainly have been quite eventful! I've been going through quite some changes. I feel so much stronger, and I feel I am well on my way to loving my Self more.

You guys sure help! And Abraham Hicks clips add to that :) Now I got to keep it going, hihi.

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  #14  
Old 20-10-2017, 11:56 PM
CrystalSong CrystalSong is offline
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Pardon me, I didn't necessarily mean work, I meant involvement in something with other people.

From reading your reply you seem to have it all sorted out in fact and am happy with everything, self, relationship and so on, in fact I'm not sure what the original post was even asking. Carry on :)
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When asked by a reporter how it felt to be the smartest man alive Einstein responded "I wouldn't know, ask Tesla."
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  #15  
Old 21-10-2017, 01:02 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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The work and job bit was one aspect related to difficulty of love of Self that was bothering me, and over the last few days I worked that one out. So I was telling about that, because I'm really happy I managed to turn that negative belief around.
Of course love of Self doesn't hinge on just the one facet, but it is another step in the right direction.

Another thing that can help with low self-esteem, breaking patterns of thought and thus increasing love of self, is Schema therapy.
Like everything it takes time, but I find it does pay off.
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  #16  
Old 22-10-2017, 06:13 PM
SeaZen SeaZen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyCrystal
The most important relationship in life is the one with yourself.

Anyhow...
- What do you do to increase love of Self?
- Does it really pay off?

Of course there are a myriad of valid answers to your question but I would like to offer one tool I feel is effective

Take a walk in park or an area where there are trees present and cradle a hanging branch with leaves within your reach in your hands. Feel and feed off of the energetic presence of the tree. Do this with many different trees as they all have differing yet positive energetic imprints.

What this does is it positively refreshes your mood and soul and puts you back in balance which creates a framework and mindset/moodset to put all of the other very valid self love suggestions in process with ease. In this modern world, many neglect the connection with gaia and nature that is essential to our overall spiritual and mental health as our physical bodies sourced from gaia.

Try to do this at least several times a week.
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  #17  
Old 23-10-2017, 06:47 PM
le_manx le_manx is offline
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I struggle often with low self worth and esteem, and nowadays I have more good days than bad thankfully. To combat the fatigue and the low mood associated with my diseases I often simply groom, dress myself nicely, and more often than not put on makeup. Doing this ritual not only makes me feel more alive and cared for, but it makes me feel human (no I don't need makeup to feel human lol). The simple acts of taking care of yourself can do wonders if you're feeling a lesser version of yourself.

I only speak for myself and know that this does not work for everyone <3
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  #18  
Old 23-10-2017, 07:14 PM
Badcopyinc Badcopyinc is offline
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wrote this today for someone close to me...

You are perfection disguised as chaos.

The way you view yourself just hasn't caught up with the reality of who you are.
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  #19  
Old 29-10-2017, 08:47 PM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badcopyinc
wrote this today for someone close to me...

You are perfection disguised as chaos.

The way you view yourself just hasn't caught up with the reality of who you are.

How lovely n_n
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  #20  
Old 29-10-2017, 08:52 PM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
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I'm also struggling with loving myself.
There are times when I can kinda like myself, and then I fall apart and start hating myself.
But one reason for my hate is knowing that I could be more than I am now.

I'm going through the dark night of the soul, so I'm facing my inner fears and demons, and loving myself at the moment will be super hard...
But I keep coming to sources telling me that I need to love myself first, before another.
So ok, I'll try...
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