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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 17-10-2017, 07:38 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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How do you work on Loving yourself

The most important relationship in life is the one with yourself. Yet, it is also the one we mostly not tend to. How many of us struggle with loving ourselves, and I mean really loving ourselves?
We cannot really engage in interdependent relationships with a partner -which truly are the only really nourishing and healthy form- if we don't love ourselves.

I myself am struggling with it. I do love myself, but I wobble. I have problems with self-esteem and self-worth.
And I also struggle with how to get to loving myself more, how to increase my feeling of self-worth. In general life I'm doing okay, it's mostly in love relationships that it becomes a problem. I know the reason for that, but now I'm looking for answers to 'how to love myself, increase self-esteem and worthiness?'
I'm kinda stuck...

Then I asked myself; "What exactly is it I feel I fall short off and/or lack?"
I had never asked myself that question before, and for a few minutes I seriously didn't know the answer. Then it came to me...
I fear I am not interesting enough, that when the initial buzz wears off people will find me boring. That I'm not intriguing enough, not funny enough.
Phew, typing that out hurts, literally, my heart chakra, my solar plexus and I believe my 2nd chakra. But mostly my solar plexus.

Quite the eye-opener for me. In general I knew I feared not being good enough, but never stopped to wonder exactly what I feared not being good enough at.
I think I fear that after the initial enthusiasm wears off others -and esp my partner- will come to think that I'm really not all that interesting, but in actual fact really quite boring.
The fact I have no job adds to that in a way. I do have goals in life and plenty of things to do, but in spite of that I have no real future prospective.
I'm home every day, so nothing special ever happens, not really. So I fear I have nothing of value or interest to add to the relationship.
Now I'm thinking I'm likely overestimating the importance of being employed when it concerns 'adding value to the relationship'. (not talking financial value here).
Kind of stupid, cos I don't feel I'm not good enough when it comes to me myself and I, yet when it comes to a partner, I suddenly feel what I am and what I got to offer isn't good enough.

Anyhow...
- What do you do to increase love of Self?
- Does it really pay off?
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  #2  
Old 18-10-2017, 03:51 AM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Try not being so harsh on yourself, be like a great supreme mother to yourself, you think you messed up? oh no, no.. sweet child of the universe you are trying your best in this crazy world what more could you possibly do, i love you for ever an ever and will never abandon you, it will all be over one day, everything is passing my child, Hush hush, relax, it's doesn't matter i am here for you for ever an ever, i love you.


Just really get in touch with your feminine nurturing side and bathe yourself in it, everything you have said in your post is the mind speaking and society's expectations getting you worried, get into the heart, this is my answer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyCrystal
- What do you do to increase love of Self?
- Does it really pay off?

Yes it's extremely healing.

Last edited by Nature Grows : 18-10-2017 at 05:56 AM.
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  #3  
Old 18-10-2017, 01:23 PM
Anne Anne is offline
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I love the response from Nature Grows!

I am one who has suffered, from a pronouncement via a narcissistic ex..- that I would be 'boring' to all future partners.

I well understand the need to move past this worry and love yourself for who you are, right now...Indulge your whims AND your best thought out plans!

I also have to say (for me, when I was in the throes of it) ..employment outside the home did improve my self-esteem & self-worth. Be it volunteer or perhaps a part-time gig, getting outside into community increased my self love and love of others.
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  #4  
Old 18-10-2017, 02:09 PM
Golden Eagle Golden Eagle is offline
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Anyhow...
- What do you do to increase love of Self?

No-thing ! What is this "you" ?! The "person identities?" ....... not one of those survives time! love of SELF? hahaha ...... Self IS LOVE!
Banish the idea of "you"! All that remains is SELF and that is Pure LOVE ~
"Self" not as a person ..... but the underlying Energy Awareness which sees it all ~

Now ..... what to do? while identities still are predominant in life experiences

Nothing ..... Allow whatever to arise ......what needs to occur in order for the little "me's " to burn up and dissolve WILL appear automatically ......... a special relationship may appear ........ and go great for a few months , then without reason it turns acidic and bitter ........ then you LET GO ..... and ahhhhhhhhhhh glad that is over! Yet if a judgment or BLAME is cast ...... the little me is FED and this will happen over and over UNTIL it is outgrown and no longer needed. This does not mean you will not ever love again or have a partner ........ such relations are NOT difficult and do not turn sour, Once rooted in LOVE which is WITHIN ....... then that LOVE is Shared without effort or trials/tests , at all levels in life experience ~

Until then ....... DISSIPATE the little me identities " I am so and so / I do such and such , I live in this place or that , I am a sister/brother/mother/father/daughter/son/friend/or whatever /// .......... not one can be after the human body-form time is OVER. So speed it all up and die (little me's) before you die (departure into Timelessness) .

What did i do??? all i could until totally frustrated! Nothing worked! No way worked! Oh it gave glimpses of Truth ....... and seeing Angels too! Glimpses of OBEs and NDEs ....... Higher Energy body experiences ........ Miracles even ......... but none of it was it! coming upon something ...... unseen yet knowable ........ GRACE entered ! not in meditation ...... while in deep sleep ...... simply awoke one morning no ego identities remained! This is the Experience which transcends definitions ....... could write a thousand books on this and not even begin to scratch the surface of this JOY-LOVE-BEINGNESS ~! Actually have written well into the hundreds of books already ! But not one did i bother to Print ........ had no desire to create "A Writer" identity.

When Divine Consciousness begins ...... it can not be stopped. Yo can make no wrong turns ..... no wrong moves ...... ALL is USED to bring you BACK INWARD to your SOURCE which is Timeless and KNOWABLE (yet not Knowing at a mind level...... more a MERGING )

Make a BREAK for DIVINE COMMUNION , not symbolic ...... MERGING. DAILY, just a few minutes or several hours , matters not. As outer desires melt away ........ a SPACE is being created ..... an EMPTINESS which most frantically try to fill with some outer distraction ...... LEAVE IT EMPTY! The Super-Consciousness AUTOMATICALLY fills EMPTINESS ...... not a doing ..... first an undoing ..... stripping away the illusions of delay ....... then comes the Day and you laugh like never before as you Realize what you cannot extinguish.
Even your attachment to your own name will feel preposterous !


- Does it really pay off?
Oh yes !
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  #5  
Old 18-10-2017, 05:19 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Try not being so harsh on yourself, be like a great supreme mother to yourself, you think you messed up? oh no, no.. sweet child of the universe you are trying your best in this crazy world what more could you possibly do, i love you for ever an ever and will never abandon you, it will all be over one day, everything is passing my child, Hush hush, relax, it's doesn't matter i am here for you for ever an ever, i love you.


Just really get in touch with your feminine nurturing side and bathe yourself in it, everything you have said in your post is the mind speaking and society's expectations getting you worried, get into the heart, this is my answer.



Yes it's extremely healing.
Thank you so much! It really helped me to get out of my head and more into my heart space.
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  #6  
Old 18-10-2017, 05:33 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne
I love the response from Nature Grows!

I am one who has suffered, from a pronouncement via a narcissistic ex..- that I would be 'boring' to all future partners.

I well understand the need to move past this worry and love yourself for who you are, right now...Indulge your whims AND your best thought out plans!

I also have to say (for me, when I was in the throes of it) ..employment outside the home did improve my self-esteem & self-worth. Be it volunteer or perhaps a part-time gig, getting outside into community increased my self love and love of others.
Thank you, Anne.
Narcissistic ex, got that too...

The job thing was one of the things that got me in a frenzy... I have a neck injury that makes it almost impossible to find employment. In spite of that, I went looking to see if there was something that maybe I could do. And it got me all worked up and stressed out.
It got me in a vibe of not appreciating and/or underestimating what it is I do have to offer. So for now I'm letting it slide, instead plan to focus on the value I do have and what can bring to a relationship.
I have sent out into the Cosmos the desire to have more money, because I do want a more prosperous life instead of having to struggle financially. Then wait and see for the signs the Cosmos will send me. Maybe a job will appear that I can do. Maybe I'll have a breakthrough with my paintings. Who knows.
But for now I'm going to crank up my sense of self-worth, because right now focusing on jobs only reminds me of all the stuff I cannot physically do.

I found a brilliant Abraham Hicks clip this afternoon, helped me tremendously to do what Nature Growth said. I love Abraham Hicks!
And thank you for your reply. It's really good to have a place to talk about these things!

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  #7  
Old 18-10-2017, 10:18 PM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Your welcome FairyCrystal, glad it helped.
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  #8  
Old 18-10-2017, 11:01 PM
dream jo dream jo is online now
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its 1 thng i need 2 do
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dream jo
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  #9  
Old 19-10-2017, 11:43 PM
girlsearching girlsearching is offline
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I need to work on loving myself. I have a problem with seeking validation of others because I don't believe I am beautiful. My low self-esteem probably stems back from childhood I have always been self conscious. It takes time learning to fully accept yourself.

Last edited by girlsearching : 20-10-2017 at 01:23 AM.
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  #10  
Old 20-10-2017, 09:17 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is online now
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It would seem to take a lot of serious work. Reading books about it is one thing but persistently doing the work over months and years is a different matter. "Working on myself" is a path fraught with delusion and misplaced beliefs and it's those that need attacking.

The difficulty is that we're all prisoners of our early years and moving forward from the fallout is the aim, surely.
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