thought I'd do this...Share this much anywhere. I have not discussed my twin flame union with anyone but him, Higher Self and guides. Of course, it can be quite lonely when you are a separated twin. I cannot tell the whole story (because that would take an eternity), but wish to tell some key fragments of it because it leads directly to how things are now (which is awful, I'd say). I swear that it is all
true. Please bear in mind that I have certain 'abilities' - so some of what I am going to talk about pertains to significant insights gleaned through said abilities.
I won't get into the distant past, or even the not-so-distant past, but will take off from February of 2014 when I received a clairaudient message. It said to me (in a female voice): "Men can shine, but you won't know if they shine in the end if you look away. But if they do shine, you will know it because you won't have looked away."
As most of my clairaudient messages do, this one came through while I was waking up (or in the hypnapomic state). I had no idea what it meant at the time, but will say that I was considering turning my back on - and forgetting all about- a man I'd fallen in love with a year before that. I'd shared countless extraordinary synchronicites and amazing, infinite passion and love with this person. I'd considered he might be my 'twin flame' and I suppose I even knew
it, but I went on about my life (as one does). This man and I had parted the season prior, however. It hurt us both to do, but it was how it was.
The next month, I had a life-changing dream. In the dream, I was leaving a white cottage atop a rocky terrain. I understood myself to be living on an island. It was early morning. I was headed for a lighthouse in which my 'husband' worked as a lighthouse keeper. I understood that my husband was 'young and good-looking.' I knew, somehow, that it was important I reach him because I wished to help him light the tower's beacon. In the dream, he had to light it twice a day - once in the morning and once in the evening. The lighthouse was not visible yet -- not until I descended a rocky slope and had begun to cross a large field of ice. I could see the lighthouse not too far off, set atop a low and rocky hill. Not too far beyond it, was a mainland flanked by mountains. As I got nearer to the lighthouse, I began to feel a sense of dread and fear. I worried that, one day, my husband would fall through the ice and drown. I then stalled in my tracks, overcome by this fear. I could feel a deep sorrow should that ever happen and looked up to a bleak, overcast sky.
I woke up feeling emotionally distraught, while wondering who my 'lighthouse keeper' husband was for I hadn't seen his face in the dream. I e-mailed my mother about the dream (as she and I tend to share our dreams with each other).
In May, I got the most stupendous, yet wonderful, shock of my life. My twin flame does some acting in his spare time (community theater and what not). By chance, I learned he would be playing a lighthouse keeper in a local play. I further learned, he'd gotten the part at - or around - the same time I'd had the above dream. Soon after that, some 'young thing' got the role of 'the lighthouse keeper's wife.' The play was not to go on for a bit and I had no desire to see it. All that spring, things seemed to become intense and constant between us on the more spiritual level.
One morning, in early July of 2014, I woke up and was told (again, clairaudiently, and this time in a voice I recognized as Higher Self's) to: "See Next Stop Wonderland." Now, I'd heard of this film. Indeed, my mother had told me to see this film months back - maybe as far back as February but I'd forgotten about it. It happened to be available for streaming and so I watched it that day. Despite not being much into romantic comedies, I liked this one - found it quirky, unique and it has ended up meaning a lot to me.
In the film, the female protagonist ("Erin") acquires the habit of opening a book to a random page to find a special line or word pertinent to her life. At one point, she opens the book, "Robinson Crusoe" and focuses on the line: "I find I'm not alone on the island."
Near the end of the film, she reaches for a book from the shelf and next to the one she pulls out is one titled, "Beacon in the Night."
About a week or two following this, I got a free bookmark whereupon a picture of one book was printed. It was Virginia Woolf's, "To the Lighthouse."
The connection got stronger and stronger, but then I felt a darkness and I felt it overcome me too. My twin flame had begun to date the young lady playing his wife and I just did not have a good feeling about her. One could say it was 'sour grapes' but as it would turn out, my suspicions were correct.
In another post, I spoke of how she is a malignant narcissist and how I worry she's gotten him into drugs. He does not look well (older, thinner, drained and stressed) and does not seem like the same person I once knew. He had tried to break it off with her, but she wouldn't have it (apparently) and uses him constantly
. It has been a few years now and there's currently talk of marriage. I do not yet know if such talk has any merit behind it - but with her control over him and their co-dependent relationship, it wouldn't surprise me. In addition to this, I feel as though she has 'copied' aspects belonging to the both of us.
I have also gotten to hear about how she says she is his 'truest, deepest love' and well, that hurts. I feel as though I have been stolen from - integral parts of who I am and who my twin flame is and our
union. It feels like she has stolen him
away from me. And I cannot even begin to express the pain and anger I feel with regards to that. The dream (that dang lighthouse dream!) I had and the other things (so many, many, many
things going back years and years (more dreams, signs, synchronicities, impressions I had psychically, etc., etc.)...And this...This
is what has come of it.
I sometimes wonder and question if I somehow made a mistake. Was/am I not 'the right one' and she was/is? Did I merely intercept, telepathically/empathically, something going on between his soul and hers. As though he was calling out to her - not to me (She
was the one in the silly play after all - not
me. However, from what I understand, she got the role due in said play due to her 'connections.'). And yet, that doesn't seem right. It doesn't feel
right - that notion.
Indeed, I was meditating and doing 'violet flame' decrees heavily at the time. I'd also done a heart chakra exercise which had been said to act like a 'beacon' to your twin flame in January 2014. I'd further done a 'lifting the veils of illusion' meditation that February.
I asked the "I Ching" about the dream and got, "Hexagram #38: Opposites" - with the 1st and 5th lines moving. Both were most interesting and pertinent with the former talking of estrangement between two people and not chasing after the other - for they will come back to you since they are your own. It further speaks of negative people attaching themselves who cannot be shaken off by force but who will (eventually) withdraw of their own accord if we endure them." The latter moving line cited: "At first one does not recognize the true friend, but then it's as though a veil has been lifted. One must go to meet him and work with him."
I'd also asked the Tarot about the dream and somewhere, I have my notes of that reading written down, The only thing I can remember, is that, "The Hermit" was in the 'outcome' position - how utterly symbolic.
I guess I've failed. He's 'drowning' and all I can see is this bleak, bleak sky above me and ahead of me. I feel so powerless.
Mind you, this is only a teeny iota of the whole tale, but it is what I'm struggling with the most. Not long ago, I was told (in a dream in which I was reading text) : "Turn on the light and the imbalances of truth and justice will withdraw themselves."
A golden light then came on in my vision. I believe it was referring to 'all this.' And so I did that, for a time, and things only got darker and more fierce (this often seems to happen whenever I try to integrate more light into my life). I suppose I am to keep going, to keep trying. However, I'm thinking it's too late at this point - I'll have to wait months, or even years, for another chance.
Yes, so, this is what I'm having to deal with, cope with all on my own. It isn't much fun and I've yet to accept it and make peace with it all. I used to be able to detach from it and now I seem unable to even do that. Things are looking grim, as am I along with them.
Anyway, thanks for reading and for 'listening.'
I genuinely appreciate it.