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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #11  
Old 10-09-2017, 02:56 PM
lemex lemex is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
Do you think he became strongly offended as a way of getting out of repayment? Small misunderstandings can usually be resolved unless there's a hidden agenda.

Very logical and leap in seeing right. Do we not all act in being right? Is right created sometimes? I believe everyone is good (by nature). And we have to remain good and choose right to be right (with ourselves). I have to. People do not feel it is right to do wrong, it must be ok. We choose ways to remain good in a way that makes sense. I have to agree with myself.This goes far beyond the subject of a loan. "I" is seen ok and a right and justified I create or see. What we think about long enough and it (starts) makes sense. This is how the mind works in my experience. Give enough time and I'll change it. I have to live with the me. Haven't we all gotten so upset about something that arose in the middle we even didn't care it an opposite of how it began, and felt it was right and justified to do or not to do, now. Is it that we are doing or not doing? Human's try to do right all the time because their nature is good. Goodness is something we must always be and achievable or made. Everyone acts out of it. I use to love getting angry in the past, it justified everything. The reason hidden not the right is the center of all. This is some really old school stuff. It is situational or victim thinking, or negative thinking made positive in words but not the heart.
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  #12  
Old 10-09-2017, 03:12 PM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiss

What would a highly developed being do, claim the payment to honor justice or let it go to avoid a new conflict and therefore to honor peace?

What do you think it should be done?

Tiss

If losing the money causes you to suffer then it's only right for you to recoup what is owed to you.

I always think in terms of kindness - you were kind to this person, is it kinder to yourself to let this go or will it effect the way you deal with people in the future or even put you into debt?

You are still allowed to defend yourself - that honours peace.

This person has wronged you, do you consider it to be an attack by an opportunist or the act of a pitiful lowly thief?

If you are unharmed & consider them a fool then it's easier to just put it down to "one of those things" however they could potentially be emboldened by your inaction & do it to someone else in the future.

.
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  #13  
Old 10-09-2017, 03:47 PM
lemex lemex is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiss
What would a highly developed being do, claim the payment to honor justice or let it go to avoid a new conflict and therefore to honor peace?

What do you think it should be done?

Tiss


I understanding the feeling of what's being said about getting even or as is said justice. Justice talk makes us feel good. To me, it is just not the end all, be all, all the time. Of course they should pay you back. There is a perception of right, 2 of them even if it is seen weak by one side over the other. Definitely a lesson for the individual and self and ego.

Keep in mind a highly developed being has many other options.

So are you asking them or us....lol. I hope we get to hear a spiritual answer to just for balance.

You know, stuff is very important here. We do everything for and because it is stuff, some really good things and some really bad things. Stuff is often more important then we are. Is it a balance or unbalance. Stuff!!! It holds and binds us and has power over us. Is what is being done, right. Not only must everything be right, but we must ourselves make it right. Would love change ones response and act?
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  #14  
Old 10-09-2017, 07:02 PM
Little Creek77 Little Creek77 is offline
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Much of this is getting trapped in a situation that you did not need. The way out for me , was to give money to friends and never loan it. Never.
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  #15  
Old 10-09-2017, 07:20 PM
Tiss Tiss is offline
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Thanks everyone for your insights. They helped me reflect in depth about the issue. There is no big money involved. What bothered me was him being offended and therefore not accomplishing with what he committed to. Mixing up anger with his commitment.

After reading your comments I discovered that I strongly needed to let him know that commitments should be honored, irrespective of any circumstance, and if it is not possible, one should be able to talk with the other part. I could do that in a loving manner and it worked: he promised me to restart his payments. Also, he looked less offended. I think that the way you say things also counts and has to do with your spiritual development.

Let's wait and see, I would like to recover his friendship too.

Blessings to all!
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dare to be your own standard
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  #16  
Old 06-03-2018, 10:59 AM
boshy b. good boshy b. good is offline
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Posts: 3,450
 
Quote:
peace or justice
It's strong to make peace off justice with the
right compliment. justice comes from the top.
Quote:
With the right compliment
On the self very "too"

Last edited by boshy b. good : 06-03-2018 at 09:45 PM.
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  #17  
Old 06-03-2018, 02:53 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiss
Thanks everyone for your insights. They helped me reflect in depth about the issue. There is no big money involved. What bothered me was him being offended and therefore not accomplishing with what he committed to. Mixing up anger with his commitment.

After reading your comments I discovered that I strongly needed to let him know that commitments should be honored, irrespective of any circumstance, and if it is not possible, one should be able to talk with the other part. I could do that in a loving manner and it worked: he promised me to restart his payments. Also, he looked less offended. I think that the way you say things also counts and has to do with your spiritual development.

Let's wait and see, I would like to recover his friendship too.

Blessings to all!
Tiss hello there! Did you resolve the misunderstanding or get to the bottom of it yet?

I agree that it's upsetting that anger or misunderstandings would be the basis for jettisoning the friendship. Sometimes folks forgive [whatever slights or disagreements or misunderstandings] quickly, sometimes slowly, and many have a problem forgiving at all, ever. With many of these folks who cannot forgive or do so very grudgingly, you are on eggshells because they are all over the map emotionally (even if hidden), and the depths of their rage and bitterness is always ready to surface and explode all over you or whomever.

It's good advice to give freely but also not always quite as easy as just giving the money...as some would feel obliged to repay it regardless and would say so before accepting it. But then too many who are not on the same page of friendship as you are also might fabricate a reason to blow up the friendship rather than face any of their obligations...material or otherwise. The thing is...as we know, it's not always even about the money, per se. Yes it is on the surface, but that's not all of it. The money is often just an excuse to vent on you...and why?

Well, for some, even the presence of your friendship becomes irrationally burdensome simply because they like to take but not to give, and it annoys them that you may not be so conscious of the giving, that it's a more natural state for you. Your very being may be the source of the resentment, even as they enjoy and benefit from your giving nature.

In this situation, the fact that your notions of personal responsibility caused you to follow up and ask for repayment may actually have eased his conscience a bit...because now he may view it as you getting down on his level and "nicely" demanding your material "stuff" be paid back. And rightly so, absolutely. But just saying, when you tell him you need the money, he can get that. It's your stuff and you want it back.

But if/when you tell him you'd just as easily given it to him freely, he may privately resent the hell out of you for your spiritual generosity. Because he may not get that, he may not be like that, and he may (may) find it difficult to even tolerate the existence of others who are not just like him in this way. If everyone lives in the muck and stuff, he is perfectly normal. But if you are willing to give (or lend) freely, he feels you have shown him up by not falling into line with his ways -- and many perceive that as a form of outright subversiveness and insubordination (LOL). Authentic love for others simple as they are is, after all, the ultimate subversion of all that humanity has erected in its own honour and glory .

Let's say you came into the money freely and you're not loaded, and he knows it's not that. It's the spiritual generosity he may fear and loathe, because you are willing to share (or freely lend) the money and he may not get that. And what folks don't get, they all too often fear and loathe...even whilst they may enjoy the benefits they get from it/your friendship. It also tempts the snake brain to take advantage and not pay back, coz givers are weak and to be exploited. Looks like he's beat back that dark wolf, for now, and he's agreed to pay it back...after all, perhaps he'll need to borrow again in future.

Long story short...his entire reaction says volumes about him and not about you. And you may want to be aware of his limitations so that you can moderate their impact on you. If it's a bit disappointing, that's of course natural and understood. But if you mentally frame it more as an acquaintance and perhaps not as good friend -- where you would normally expect much more of a mutual acceptance for who you each are as people and as beloved friends or "extended family" -- then you can readjust expectations and still meet him where he is, if you choose to do so.

Peace & blessings
7L
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Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
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  #18  
Old 06-03-2018, 03:18 PM
Centered Centered is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 43
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Creek77
Much of this is getting trapped in a situation that you did not need. The way out for me , was to give money to friends and never loan it. Never.

Very wise.

I'm the same way I have always just given someone money, and never excepted payment back, otherwise if we lend we are in a mutually binding contract that many times ends, on a bad note.

Helping people is fine, but the bonds of a verbal, or written contract between friends is trouble in the making.
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