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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 29-08-2017, 10:41 AM
druidess druidess is offline
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He never leaves my mind

So I slept with a man a few years ago and I think about him constantly. I realize this isn't healthy but I've made a honest effort to try to move on. Including, talking to a therapist about it, and cutting him out of my life completely, almost immediately after the fact. I'm feeling a little loopy about the whole thing.

I've done tarot readings of this man and dreamt of him several times. Every time I come across him on social media (by chance) these strong feelings rush over me. I would love to move on at this point... but every time I get closer to it I'll suddenly have a dream about him. It then gets me thinking again that maybe there's a possible connection on some deeper level. What is confusing to me is that when we had sex it was somewhat of a let down. I didn't feel any crazy physical chemistry but somehow mentally I do. Or maybe I'm just searching for something to hold onto.

This man is the good looking, arrogant player type who is self sufficient. But, with that being said I don't think he's a monster. I ultimately made the decision at the time to go ahead with it, I just didn't realize what I was getting myself into.

There is an age difference between us. Sometimes I think maybe my immaturity at the time has helped drag this on for this long.

I really try to focus on myself and personal growth. I never creep or try to make contact. I don't know what to do at this point. Not sure if I'm asking much of anything here, but if you have any similar experiences I'd love to hear them! Or any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 29-08-2017, 01:26 PM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by druidess
It then gets me thinking again that maybe there's a possible connection on some deeper level. What is confusing to me is that when we had sex it was somewhat of a let down. I didn't feel any crazy physical chemistry but somehow mentally I do. Or maybe I'm just searching for something to hold onto.

This man is the good looking, arrogant player type who is self sufficient. But, with that being said I don't think he's a monster.

Hi druidess,

Everything you have said so far screams "don't do it" to me. Easier said than done I know but c'mon - this guy is destined to let you down.

His persona I bet is that "he is great" & he must sell that to a lot of people including himself. You know for a fact that the sex was tripe so straight away he isn't "all daytt" as they like to say

If this were a caring & shy guy then you could point him in the right direction sex wise & he would want to please you but you seem to be falling for the old "I can change a bad boy trope."

He's probably not a monster but he's seemingly a believer in the greed is good, take what you want mentality. You were conquered any way you slice it - yes you consented but the contract was with the he is great image that you were sold.

Don't go round in circles, listen to some smooth tunes or watch some movies with Paul Walker or the Thor guy in them & swoon over someone else.

In either circumstance - with the guy you slept with or watching movies your buying into fantasy. I detest this sort of guy, he's probably got illegitimate kids all over town but people fall for his snake oil every time.

Obliviously there will be more to his & your stories but from the picture you paint & the fact that your on here 2nd guessing I'd wager that it's a bad idea to keep swooning.

You might completely miss the signs from a really great guy whilst your focused on the "playa".

.
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Lenity by definition is gentle or kindness - to be lenient

"God is indefinable by mankind - goodness is not"

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  #3  
Old 29-08-2017, 01:37 PM
shoni7510 shoni7510 is offline
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Was this guy the first person you had sex with? If that is the case you may find it hard to forget him even if the sex was ******. It may also be the case that you fell in love with the idea of you and him and you are not able or willing to let it go. Either way, I agree with Knightoflenity that this guy is bad news for you, run!
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  #4  
Old 29-08-2017, 04:56 PM
Clover Clover is offline
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Curious. What did the therapist suggest you do?( you don't have to share).

Could be you need closure of some sort. An author to look into is Carlyon Myss and her topics on sacred contracts. Basically, cutting lose baggage from the past.

Lastly, there could be a possibility of karmic/past life ties. If you read up on that area ( karmic relationships) it's worth looking into. Although, I personally dont feel it should encourage or give a reason to tolerate a person who is not a good fit you. It just may help give you a better understanding of why you have a 'connection' to this person.

Good luck
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Last edited by Clover : 29-08-2017 at 06:47 PM.
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  #5  
Old 30-08-2017, 07:12 PM
druidess druidess is offline
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Appreciate the feedback! This is great!

You're totally right! I guess it's hard for me to admit I was "conquered." I feel like maybe that's part of the reason it's hard to let go. I want to come out on top in some sort of way... silly, I know.

He did ask what I wanted at the time, but I was unexperienced. I was basically a virgin but not technically. I suppose I just expected him to know.

My therapist, even though she's great and I love her, didn't really say much. I've stopped going to her now, and if I ever started again I should probably find someone else. She never suggested much but was just was sort of there to listen. Which is great but I could definitely be getting more out of it. She asked if I was a virgin and suggested maybe I was just mad. Which is kind of obvious lol.

I will look into that book, thank you! I've read a little on karmic relationships and just tying yourself to who you sleep with in general. Which I'm realizing is more sacred than I wanted to believe before, but I'm going to be more careful about it from now on.
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  #6  
Old 30-08-2017, 07:47 PM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by druidess
Appreciate the feedback! This is great!

You're totally right! I guess it's hard for me to admit I was "conquered."

Which I'm realizing is more sacred than I wanted to believe before, but I'm going to be more careful about it from now on.

At least you know what not to do now.

"Don't live your life in the wrong way because of a refusal to accept your own choices".

Your moving on further than you give yourself credit for.

.
__________________
Lenity by definition is gentle or kindness - to be lenient

"God is indefinable by mankind - goodness is not"

- The Book of Lenity -
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  #7  
Old 30-08-2017, 08:54 PM
ambiebambie ambiebambie is offline
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I don't know if you guys dated, but I can give you some advice on what I did when I broke up with my current ex. I got rid of anything that reminded me of him. And maybe avoid social media for awhile or block him so you wont be tempted to look on his page. I would also sage your bed if he slept in it. Go out with your friends. The more you go out, the less you have time to think about it. But like the above said, this guy doesn't seem like a good guy. There are plenty out there that will treat you right.
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  #8  
Old 31-08-2017, 07:26 AM
druidess druidess is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ambiebambie
I don't know if you guys dated, but I can give you some advice on what I did when I broke up with my current ex. I got rid of anything that reminded me of him. And maybe avoid social media for awhile or block him so you wont be tempted to look on his page. I would also sage your bed if he slept in it. Go out with your friends. The more you go out, the less you have time to think about it. But like the above said, this guy doesn't seem like a good guy. There are plenty out there that will treat you right.

We didn't date, it was more of a hookup. I had been hanging out with a friend of his before that, and that's how we met. It's confusing to me because this hasn't happened with other guys. I almost feel like trying not to think about it has made me think more.

Regardless, saging is a great idea!! Thank you!
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  #9  
Old 31-08-2017, 07:46 AM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by druidess
Regardless, saging is a great idea!! Thank you!

And listening to some smooth tunes or watching movies with Paul Walker or Chris Hemsworth to swoon over isn't also a good idea - how rude

.
__________________
Lenity by definition is gentle or kindness - to be lenient

"God is indefinable by mankind - goodness is not"

- The Book of Lenity -
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  #10  
Old 01-09-2017, 06:04 AM
druidess druidess is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
And listening to some smooth tunes or watching movies with Paul Walker or Chris Hemsworth to swoon over isn't also a good idea - how rude

.

Lol trust I'm making a night of it!

I've actually never seen the Fast and Furious movies so maybe it would be a grood distraction. Give me something new to obsess over lol.
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