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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 11-08-2017, 05:09 AM
Tedmil Tedmil is offline
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Great vibe but all for nothing?

A couple of months ago, I had a routine exchange with an employee at a store I frequent. Immediately afterwards I felt great. I ended up getting in touch with her and she was so open and friendly. I seen her only a few times until she introduced me to some of her siblings. She had warned me earlier that she had an issue with trusting people. I inadvertently made a mistake that wouldn't affect most people but with her it was too much. I guess she got scared and felt the only solution was to distance herself from me.

It doesn't really make sense why our paths would cross with so much promise
only to have things end like this. There was nothing to be learned it just seems have been a mistake.
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2017, 09:31 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
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Some people are just sociable and friendly but at a whiff of relationship demands, pull away. Could be to do with their history, could be because they see a nuisance event on the horizon - or it could be they just want to stay free.

I sometimes cast myself in this light. I like to think I'm sociable (I'm not the judge of that). I'll go on quasi-dates - lunch at the pub, café, but tend to draw away if the signs suggest more is expected. I do have a b/f of sorts but he's resolving more as a very good friend. It could be a courtship - depends how long it lasts. I tend to put a lot into the work I do which does bring me into contact with a few people.

So I suppose it depends what your motives are and how she interprets them from your body language. How she interpreted that "mistake". Might be an idea just to go on being friendly, give her a wave, a hello in passing. Give it time and patience.

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  #3  
Old 11-08-2017, 03:49 PM
CrystalSong CrystalSong is offline
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It can be hard to see through people's various guises to what's underneath which is what we'd want to be in relationship with. Some times it takes several years even to see through the public persona. Often people don't even know what they are under the 'work guide' the 'family guide' the 'go to church guise' the 'social outing with friends' guise and so on.

It would seem you stirred something under her guises and that scared her. Probably not 'you" but the actuality of the self underneath all the guises. Many of us don't know ourselves at all, just our guises, so when we get a glimpse of some other self we feel like we're not in control and run from the situation that allowed us a peek inside.
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  #4  
Old 13-08-2017, 12:32 AM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Her warning you that she had an issue is a positive sign although again without knowing the full details it's hard to read into her motives.

I would say that the fact that you got as far as you did with her means that there is some sort of spark between you & it sounds like she pre-warned you to try to stop you from doing something ahead of time.

I'm curious as to what you have done next - her pushing you away could be a test to see just how bothered you are about her. Some people don't have the same voice inside their head that they do when they speak - they don't have a monologue they just react & can't rationalise the way others can.

If you are really bothered then maybe flowers at work, texts or a letter explaining that it's unfair to you both for her to push away someone who genuinely cares about her. Your not a robot with a programme to follow so you may say the wrong thing from time to time but the intention is never negative...

Sometimes people just cross your path & you move on. It might be a lesson in romance for you or for her but if you really like her don't give up on her yet. Some idiot may have really messed her about in the past - don't let him ruin her future with you.
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  #5  
Old 15-08-2017, 12:40 AM
HeartSound HeartSound is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Sometimes people just cross your path & you move on. It might be a lesson in romance for you or for her but if you really like her don't give up on her yet. Some idiot may have really messed her about in the past - don't let him ruin her future with you.

I like
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  #6  
Old 15-08-2017, 06:32 PM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartSound
I like

I have my moments (although I think it comes from elsewhere) - but thank you
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  #7  
Old 16-08-2017, 04:21 AM
Tedmil Tedmil is offline
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I recently contacted her to try to get some feedback. The explanation she gave is very strange she said she was only being polite during the times I spent with her. She said she never had a good time with me. Yet her earlier messages say the exact opposite.
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  #8  
Old 16-08-2017, 05:06 PM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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I'd say that she is deliberately pushing you away, especially if there were messages to the contrary.

If for example there were a few dates that went well, then you met siblings of hers .. then this mistake happened I would say that she has simply cut off from feeling anything towards you.

If you on the other hand you essentially had one real date where other people never really gave you both space then it's possible that she wasn't into you & who knows what her reasoning here is.

If there was genuine potential here & she initially showed you lots of clear signs that she liked you, texts or phone calls that she initiated then she is acting as though she can't trust you after this mistake.

It would be interesting to know what the mistake was but obviously that's your business not anyone else's. If your example she was quite shy of intimacy & you were a gentleman (as you should be) but then on the 3rd date you tried to kiss her then perhaps there has been something traumatic in her life that flipped a switch once you became dominant (so to speak).

Flowers or whatever I suggested earlier in the thread could still bring this all back around with a little note saying that you have all the time in the world if she's willing to try again - but you need to ask yourself if it is worth it.

Sometimes people can have issues that even they can't understand fully so it is impossible for another person to grasp the magnitude until they do themselves.
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  #9  
Old 18-08-2017, 10:55 PM
HeartSound HeartSound is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Flowers or whatever I suggested earlier in the thread could still bring this all back around with a little note saying that you have all the time in the world if she's willing to try again - but you need to ask yourself if it is worth it.

wow that is going all out. have you done this before and what were the results?
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  #10  
Old 18-08-2017, 11:16 PM
knightoflenity knightoflenity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartSound
wow that is going all out. have you done this before and what were the results?

Ha - not like this but I did get a security guard to let me in once so that the 2 dozen roses were there when m'lady walked into work of a morning

The very same m'lady always found any sort of verbal gesture difficult but she did make lots of effort by travelling pretty far to see me so I had a hint that I wasn't wasting my efforts.

A different fair maiden pre-warned me ahead of time that she had trust issues & in the end (some time later)she asked me point blank to deflower her so to speak which was a shock to say the least. I actually declined too which was very gentlemanly of me I must say.

A little booster I learned whilst working in mainly female workplaces is that flowers can create chatter amongst friends & they all say that the recipient is really lucky, it kind of reaffirms the gesture within the coven ... group sorry, I meant group
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