I have recently started studying wicca a lot as it's a religion that has interested me for many years and I now feel ready to start pursuing it for real.
I have felt lost after an abusive relationship in which I feel I lost myself in my blind love and before that many years of bullying, dealing with lonliness sadness and anxiety, not being able to truly find myself and always living in the past so I started therapy and that has given me some motivation to pull myself up again.
I come from a very spiritual family but no one in my family is wiccan but I personally feel like this could be what's missing in my life!
I've always had an interested for religions that has several Gods rather than just one and a few years back I discovered wicca and I later studied it for a school project but didn't feel ready to commit to a life of wiccanism but I do now.
I'm already trying to meditate more in order to feel better and I have meditated in the past along with changing my mindset to positive which turned my whole life around back then so I know it works well. This time it's harder though! But I was probably too young to understand the importance of it back then so that is why I eventually quit instead of keeping it up.
I would like all advice I can get and to find out exactly when you can define yourself as a wiccan, how long it usually takes to learn everything and exactly what it means to live a wiccan lifestyle. Do you need to be part of a coven? And what if there aren't any where I live which I don't think there is...
Where do I find the most reliable sources or books to learn from?
Is it important to do a lot of the rituals you perform in the outdoors and what if you don't have a garden and don't want to go out into the forest alone and sit down there to meditate or do rituals? I would constantly worry about someone showing up and not be able to relax especially as a lonley girl lol... Unless I found a place I knew to be completely safe and not many people around. I guess I could go search...
How do you find your own personal goddess? (whatever you call it).
I have read that you usually pick one or a few goddesses you feel you can relate to and call on them in different rituals for example?
Personally I feel like I can relate to Venus the most but I think Artemis is a goddess to look up to because of her independence and strenght... as I often feel I need to find my own strenght and confidence and not put all my energy into relationships and that I need to stand up for myself more. Artemis is also a protector and lover of animals and I have always felt more comfortable around animals than people but she is also a huntress which I can understand as well since it's the circle of life... we're humans, we eat meat just like animals hunt and eat other animals to survive.
Does this mean those are the 2 goddesses I should prioritise or do you only prioritise the god/goddess who's qualities you wish to have? Can you ask the Universe somehow to confirm you've picked the right gods/goddesses for you or to otherwise send you signs that point to the right ones? And what's the best way to do it?
I'm really asking a lot of stuff but that is because I find many sites complicated to understand especially when english is not my first language.
Maybe some experienced wiccans can provide me with some useful information and advice here without complicating it too much.
Thanks in advance!