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Old 27-07-2017, 08:01 PM
Cgrimaldi7 Cgrimaldi7 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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In need of some advice

Hello everyone I am new here and I come here in respect and of no intention of hurting anyone or scaring anyone.

Ok so I've been dealing with mental illnesses. My anxiety disorder got triggered from two panic attacks and I started believing in everything or any pain my body felt I was in danger of dying from a heart attack or stroke. That extreme stress lead to depression. Everyone has thoughts of self doubt and negative thoughts of ones-self or life. While I was dealing with anxiety I had negative thoughts and worthless thoughts and those thoughts were strong. I feel like my stress had tired my mind and my negative thoughts took advantage of my weak mind. That's when I felt my depression. My life had changed. I couldn't feel any type of real happiness. I felt completely numb or hopeless or scared. Those three emotions had caused panic attacks. So I was dealing with a panic mode everyday all day. I would moments of sanity but then the scary thoughts and anticipation it happening again had caused the fears to happen again. I've become aware of my body, my heartbeat, my pulse, my chest. This has caused me to have panic attacks as well. Fast forward last week. I had an extreme panic attack and dowsnward spiral of depression and derealization had hit me mildy. I was so scared and my attacks kept coming and I was tense and couldn't sleep for days or eat for days. I had gone to the ER again. They gave me Ativan and that calmed me down but it didn't help for my negative thoughts. My brain pattern has changed. I aniticipate for the worst. I wa alosijg myself I thought I was crazy or had schiznophrenic. Fast forward this week. I kept becoming worse and I had thought I had schiznophrenia and I looked up if I did and I had the symptoms just not the voices. Until I tried sleeping but I started having conversations siwht myself and I hear a male voice say "I'm out of here" and I replied "yeah you better be" I'm sure my brain created this my anxiety had created this. My vision is weird I see lights and see aura in everything. I have light sensivity now. I'm lost. I'm not aware of myself anymore. My derealization has become worse and now I feel disconnected I feel like I can't connect with anyone anymore. I feel like I'm stuck inside my thoughts. Yesterday I called out for god and I cried I told him my fears and how sorry I was but I started hallucinating That I saw a white tall human figure in my wall and two white doors opening. I wanted to reach out for it but I looked away and told myself "you're going crazy now you're a lunatic you're psychosis you have schiznophrenic" I couldn't control my fears my brain can only function on fear now or sadness. My positive thoguhts are buried deep down. That night my brother mentioned a friend of his. This guy is a sensor. He had sensed my energy and said that I was purple. He had saw my thoguhts bouncing and how I had so many walls in my brain. He told me I'm a sensor, I've always wanted to help people and my first goal when I would recover is to help others find their way out. Now I feel like I won't He took me to his house and talked to me. His cat came to me and instantly I felt relaxed and safe. Knowing that a creature can trust me when I can't even trust myself anymore. He helped me a lot. I meditated and I saw my darkest place I visualized bad scary gruesome things but I wasn't scared. I had felt relief and I felt happy and hopefully. He felt my energy. I had experienced happiness ina long time and I just felt happy to be alive. But when he dropped me off home...my thoguhts wouldn't stop and then they started questioning my feelings "are you really happy or isnthis just temporary" then that night I tried sleeping I couldn't my brain wouldn't let me sleep. I kept questioning everything I was too aware of everything and visualizations in my head. Today I woke up, I didn't feel anything I felt weird I tried to figure how I felt but then that only made me feel worse. Thinking that I still could have depression and thinking how I have anxiety. I started to question "why did anxiety get to me and why am I having it? What is anxiety? Why do my own thoughts create anxiety? If I'm not in real danger why am I always having anxiety?" Then that only made me realize everything else. Today I have felt someot I got I have never felt. I felt disconnected completely I stated having thoughts if I could even trust anyone or myself like everyone was out to get me. I started having anxiety I just cried out the Universe for help. I am stuck. I am in a constant cycle. I couldn't focus and the disconnection was crazy. I felt like I was numb everywhere like I was just watching my life in pictures and frames. My vision is weird now. I have pain in my eyes. I don't know if my anxiety is causing this. I'm feeling hopeless and lost. Feeling like the only way out is the bad way out. I feel like I'm going crazy and that I'm mentally ill. I don't want to be crazy. So an hour ago I felt my arm go numb my left arm. I just laid down on my bed and told myself "you've been through enough of you die right now it's not your fault you can't control everything, I love you mom and brother I'll be with you forever no matter where I go" I accepted my doom. I didn't want to die but I couldn't control what was happening to me. I want to have that mindset all the time. After I started to close my eyes I slowly stopped resisting. I was waiting for the doom to come but it didn't come. I got up and I felt more relaxed. That brought me to this website. I know I may feel disconnected with weird vision but in still here. I feel like this might be more the depression or anxiety I feel like this is something deep within but I'll never know I just don't want to have to take medication because I feel like that'll mask it rather than just overcoming them. I don't know where to start. I don't know. Right now I feel numb but no anxiety much. I want to be able to feel happy though and okay like I did last night. I felt happy to be alive.
I'm very aware of my body too I can feel my pulse or any pain which can trigger my anxiety. If I feel my heart rate I subconsciously think "what if it goes faster" and that's where my anxiety attacks begin and I start losing my mind and going further away from reality. I want to be able to go with the flow but I can't. I want to achieve inner self love and trust. I want to overcome this fear of things and the negative thoguhts that keep in this never ending cycle.
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Old 28-07-2017, 02:17 PM
Michelle11 Michelle11 is offline
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Our brains are very complicated organs that can become miswired and fall into the habit of being in constant fight or flight. It is possible for people to be born prone to these things. What is important is to get diagnosed. If you are schizophrenic I understand the medicines to treat it work really well. If you just have generalized anxiety disorder they have meds to help with that as well. Doing nothing is not going to help this get better. The anxiety could get worse so it is important for you to seek out the help and advice of a trained medical professional. The members of this site can offer words of encouragement but they can't diagnose you or offer you medical advice so please do see a professional and find out exactly what you are dealing with so you can devise a game plan with your doctors how to treat and manage your issues. I wish you hope and courage to get on top of this and find recovery and healing. Welcome to the boards. Take care.
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Old 28-07-2017, 09:53 PM
mailey1974 mailey1974 is offline
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It is true that most health problems comes from improper diet.
S0 it is best to eat properly to feel better.
Most stores where i live has unhealthy food need to avoid them.
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Old 30-07-2017, 03:18 PM
weareunity weareunity is offline
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 178
Hello Cgrimaldi7. Agreeing with Michelle11 above that none of us here are a substitute for immediate professional help if that is what your immediate need requires--and that judgement is best made by a professional person who has the experience, knowledge and back up facilities needed in order to provide immediate assistance--beginning I would hope with a face to face meeting and discussion.
However, also agreeing that we who read and choose to respond can offer support and in cases where we may have had--or still have--similar symptoms and experiences as you describe having yourself, then we may also feel it could be helpful to pass those thoughts and suggestions on to you--and anyone else of course.

Some thoughts and suggestions:-

That inability to sleep, anxiety, irregular and rapid heartbeats, disorientation, disconnect,-- chase each other round in circles, sometimes seeming like continuous and self perpetuating circles.
So. How to break out of the circle?

First a thought which I think may be echoed in something you observed that you felt better when you had given up, had accepted doom is how I think you put it. I am thinking that what you did then was to change perspective and thereby took yourself out of the loop, out of the circle--for a while.

Thing is, --I think--that fanatastic and amazing tool that self awareness and self analysis is, it can also be a pain in the **** sometimes in my experience, especially when it has become fixated to the point of becoming something of a temporary liability rather than an asset. "it" can be pretty damn quick at regenerating anxiety with questions such as "is this going to last, am I really ok now, can I do it again if need be ?" etc., and suddenly, snap, you are back in the loop, back in the circle.

Suggestions which may/may not help:-
They have helped me--sometimes!--and come accompanied with a note in BOLD which points out that the prospect of trying to put any of them into practice may often seem pointless, irrelevant, stupid and anyway impossible to follow.
A) See if this works as another way of providing a different perspective." I am not simply a body passing through life, but life passing through this body".
Sound like nothing more than a word trick, but actually mirrors reality ( in my belief). In any case it is a thought which may alleviate the fear of death.
B) Do stuff as best you can to break out of the "self" thing.Join some sort of communal activity--community garden project, join a choir ( great in so many respects once the "I could never do that and anyway I have a squeaky/groaning/off key/whatever voice inhibition is overcome). I personally think that any communal activity of a neighbourly nature seeking to provide benefit and enjoyment to others is a good guide line and will ensure that you do not become entrapped in anything cult like or divisive.
C) If you cannot get to sleep, just lie and listen to music at low volume. I find so called "classical"--choral especially-- most effective but not to everyones taste. Maybe try to tell from the sound what the composer is perhaps trying to describe, a place, landscape, event,etc.--thus refocussing thought.
D)If it is important to you to impress others, or that you need to maintain an impression that you have generated, give yourself a break from this. The truth is that you are an amazing and beautiful miracle, far far more incredible than any amount of "more than" is able to offer, and far far more incredible that any amount of "less then" is able to take away from you. Maybe at this point take another look at A).

I am keeping a copy of this so as to remind myself--because I often forget!

Wishing you and all well. petex
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Old 04-08-2017, 11:54 PM
Golden Eagle Golden Eagle is online now
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 522
Originally Posted by mailey1974
It is true that most health problems comes from improper diet.
S0 it is best to eat properly to feel better.
Most stores where i live has unhealthy food need to avoid them.

Long Observations over decades with those close to me ..... showed this to be absolutely TRUE! Two family members held against there will to leave from not eating or eating only one thing!

Chinese Medicine CONFIRMS this with 5,000 years of experience.

Raw diet , GMO free , Organic will do wonders! Raw Milk was the only thing that brought me out of Heat Stroke which had lasted nearly 6 weeks! Raw Milk also corrected internal organ issues. And i had a MRSA infection that nothing would clear! 4 years it lasted ..... the skin died completely every 3 days ...... then i prayed ..... and suddenly began juicing raw baby romaine lettuce into the Raw Milk and right away the MRSA (flesh eating bacteria) began to disappear ! Finally!

I watched how Mental Illness grew from really poor diets and thinking!

Always best to start with diet and go from there~
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Old 06-09-2017, 01:23 PM
shirleyshockley shirleyshockley is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by mailey1974
It is true that most health problems comes from improper diet.
S0 it is best to eat properly to feel better.
Most stores where i live has unhealthy food need to avoid them.
I agree with you.
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Old 07-09-2017, 04:22 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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Hi well firstly and most importantly we are not allowed to diagnose so i would advise you to go see your doctor. they will put you on medication which will help you.secondly ask to speak to a counselor this will help you. put things into perspective.
ask your doctor to put you in touch with relaxation classes.or something similar in your area. walking in nature is always calming you could also give that a go, the help is out there but you have got to ask for it.

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