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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Religions & Faiths > Hinduism

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  #1  
Old 27-07-2017, 06:01 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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The spirit of Rudra inside

For a long time I have been feeling a powerful essence inside of me. It feels like uncontaminated power. Awe inspiring and fear inducing. When I feel and think about this essence I feel inside of me I can feel reality bending around this powerful being. I feel waves of energy radiating from this being. Waves that don't feel anything like love. They feel more like wind rushing past me, or water flowing past me at a fast rate. It's clear there is something there and it's not a joy or love experience, it's something else. It's movement. It's excitement. It's mysterious and makes you open your eyes. It's pure shakti.

For a long time I thought it was a wounded part of me that was calling out for help. Now I believe it's Rudra, the mighty form of Shiva.

I believe Lord Shiva has sent Rudra to help me, to give me strength and guidance. I also believe Rudra is a part of me, but not who I am, and not all I am.

Rudra has shown me power in many different forms. My lesson now is not to be in awe of it's power, but to recognize that same power is within me and to use that power as I see fit.
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  #2  
Old 27-07-2017, 09:09 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
For a long time I have been feeling a powerful essence inside of me. It feels like uncontaminated power. Awe inspiring and fear inducing. When I feel and think about this essence I feel inside of me I can feel reality bending around this powerful being. I feel waves of energy radiating from this being. Waves that don't feel anything like love. They feel more like wind rushing past me, or water flowing past me at a fast rate. It's clear there is something there and it's not a joy or love experience, it's something else. It's movement. It's excitement. It's mysterious and makes you open your eyes. It's pure shakti.

For a long time I thought it was a wounded part of me that was calling out for help. Now I believe it's Rudra, the mighty form of Shiva.

I believe Lord Shiva has sent Rudra to help me, to give me strength and guidance. I also believe Rudra is a part of me, but not who I am, and not all I am.

Rudra has shown me power in many different forms. My lesson now is not to be in awe of it's power, but to recognize that same power is within me and to use that power as I see fit.
Ah, I see you have finally recognised it my friend! What have I been saying to you for months? I've seen Him inside you for a long time now!

To have that inside is amazingly powerful and awesome, isn't it?

Rudra bends your will, shapes your destiny and gives so much power and strength, but always remember the awe and humility...don't let yourself get carried away by His power or it will destroy you.

Yeah, so join the club - and sorry, we don't have a secret handshake. lol

You are now Shaivite.

There is also no one on here except for us that knows of this or understands it. It is totally and undeniably incredible! Words don't even go there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1CO2W4D0I0

Om Namo Bhagavate Rudraaya
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  #3  
Old 27-07-2017, 11:11 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Oh, another thing about Rudra you need to know.

Shiva didn't 'send' Rudra, Shiva is Rudra as the most pure, uncontaminated essence of Shiva's direct Shakti and the ultimate realisation of Rudra leads to the awareness of Brahman.

In the relation of power to form, Rudra is known as yaksha roopam, a wild, uninhibited, unrestrained force, full of movement, awe, passion, wonderment, excitement, mystery, amazement, vengeance.... this is Shiva when He isn't sitting on His cosmic backside in meditation. lol

Other names for Rudra include Bhairava (the form that I associate with personally), Mahakaal and Veerbhadra, the destroyer of Daksha's sacrifice - remember I told you about Veerbhadra when you first became aware of that power inside you?

Loving Shiva, means that I love all of His attributes as well and even though I have Rudra (Bhairava) inside me too and know full well what He is, what He does and is capable of doing, I still cannot help but feel endless love for Shiva's yaksha roopam and I also feel that love in return, but it is an all-consuming, fiery and passionate love.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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Old 27-07-2017, 02:34 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Seeing as how we are the only ones that's going to be posting on this thread, there's something I must reveal to you now....it is time.

This is why we are the dearest of friends! I knew this right from the start and had it reconfirmed when you spoke about shaivite tantra a few months ago.

It is very difficult for me to feel empathy (as you know) and it is also almost impossible for me to say "I love you" to another human being, but when you were going through hell last month, my heart chakra exploded and what came out was the result of me seeing Lord Shiva inside you. He really loves you and you are also His - I have felt this.

As much as you don't want to admit it and maybe you aren't quite ready to admit it just now, you are a Shiva bhakta. It will take time for you to come to the full awareness and acceptance of it, but it is inevitable. You talk about 'chasing spiritual highs' and 'the river' and all of that, but all you need to do is to open your heart up and surrender it to Shiva...fully surrender it. The resulting spiritual high...the bliss is incredible!

He is always there, even when you are down and if you shed tears in loving worship of Him, your kundalini will go through the roof, but the trick is not to want this to happen...expect nothing, ask for nothing but to never forget Him and just let it go with all the love you have inside.

You have a very beautiful heart and I have felt it. You radiate such presence that my 'Shiva radar' beeps like mad. It's up to you now to find this within, not to just concentrate and focus on the amazing power of Bhairava, but also on the love of Shiva and just let yourself totally drown in that river without putting up a struggle.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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Old 28-07-2017, 12:36 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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I'm still going through hell. It's very bad right now. Feels like there is a war going on inside of me and my self is being assaulted on all sides. Part of me want's to be sad and full of grief about how bad things are. Maybe then I would be more motivated to do something. Another part of me wants to keep going through this hell. Not in a demented self-torturing kind of way. In a psychotic adventurer kind of way, reckless but not self-destructive.

It took a lot before I gave my attention to Lord Shiva. I think Lord Shiva dearly loves me. Why else would he put so much effort into creating a connection with me, a connection I never wanted but accepted once offered. For a long time I spent my life thinking I deserved great pain, so much that I didn't ask for help from anybody, not even Shiva. I was so willing to sacrifice my life for nothing that Shiva himself stopped me. I felt his arm but I didn't see anything that clearly said it was Shiva. Who else would it be though. Nobody else has the power to reach across dimensions and pull my energy body from my physical body then show me visions about the universe.

Lord Shiva is great, and patient, and forgiving. I am a very poor devottee. Not committed, not dedicated, full of wasted potential. But Shiva bends the rules for me and allows me certain things I haven't earned. I think Lord Shiva is flirting with me, trying to woo me into being his devotee. For the life of me I can't figure out why I don't just committ. Who else could I be waiting for... what else could I want...

Maybe it's high time I took the advice to just surrender. Focus only on Shiva, and let go of everything else. My need for answers doesn't come out of surrender, it comes out of fear that comes before surrender.

Let go Shivatar, Let go. For the love of everyone, just let go. I will be there for you.

---

I've looked up a little information on Shiva Bhakta. It means a devotee of Lord Shiva right? Would you please tell me what that means to you personally?


Quote:
Originally Posted by The Necromancer
Seeing as how we are the only ones that's going to be posting on this thread, there's something I must reveal to you now....it is time.

This is why we are the dearest of friends! I knew this right from the start and had it reconfirmed when you spoke about shaivite tantra a few months ago.

It is very difficult for me to feel empathy (as you know) and it is also almost impossible for me to say "I love you" to another human being, but when you were going through hell last month, my heart chakra exploded and what came out was the result of me seeing Lord Shiva inside you. He really loves you and you are also His - I have felt this.

As much as you don't want to admit it and maybe you aren't quite ready to admit it just now, you are a Shiva bhakta. It will take time for you to come to the full awareness and acceptance of it, but it is inevitable. You talk about 'chasing spiritual highs' and 'the river' and all of that, but all you need to do is to open your heart up and surrender it to Shiva...fully surrender it. The resulting spiritual high...the bliss is incredible!

He is always there, even when you are down and if you shed tears in loving worship of Him, your kundalini will go through the roof, but the trick is not to want this to happen...expect nothing, ask for nothing but to never forget Him and just let it go with all the love you have inside.

You have a very beautiful heart and I have felt it. You radiate such presence that my 'Shiva radar' beeps like mad. It's up to you now to find this within, not to just concentrate and focus on the amazing power of Bhairava, but also on the love of Shiva and just let yourself totally drown in that river without putting up a struggle.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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  #6  
Old 28-07-2017, 01:37 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
I'm still going through hell. It's very bad right now. Feels like there is a war going on inside of me and my self is being assaulted on all sides. Part of me want's to be sad and full of grief about how bad things are. Maybe then I would be more motivated to do something. Another part of me wants to keep going through this hell. Not in a demented self-torturing kind of way. In a psychotic adventurer kind of way, reckless but not self-destructive.

It took a lot before I gave my attention to Lord Shiva. I think Lord Shiva dearly loves me. Why else would he put so much effort into creating a connection with me, a connection I never wanted but accepted once offered. For a long time I spent my life thinking I deserved great pain, so much that I didn't ask for help from anybody, not even Shiva. I was so willing to sacrifice my life for nothing that Shiva himself stopped me. I felt his arm but I didn't see anything that clearly said it was Shiva. Who else would it be though. Nobody else has the power to reach across dimensions and pull my energy body from my physical body then show me visions about the universe.

Lord Shiva is great, and patient, and forgiving. I am a very poor devottee. Not committed, not dedicated, full of wasted potential. But Shiva bends the rules for me and allows me certain things I haven't earned. I think Lord Shiva is flirting with me, trying to woo me into being his devotee. For the life of me I can't figure out why I don't just committ. Who else could I be waiting for... what else could I want...

Maybe it's high time I took the advice to just surrender. Focus only on Shiva, and let go of everything else. My need for answers doesn't come out of surrender, it comes out of fear that comes before surrender.

Let go Shivatar, Let go. For the love of everyone, just let go. I will be there for you.

---

I've looked up a little information on Shiva Bhakta. It means a devotee of Lord Shiva right? Would you please tell me what that means to you personally?
Yeah, that is what it means.

All that being a Shiva Bhakta means to me personally is that I love Lord Shiva, nothing more or less than that.

I'm a poor devotee as well, I'm not regular in my prayers and worship, I have some bad habits too, but yeah, Shiva bends the rules for the sake of his devotees. He lets us all come to Him in our own time and in our own way. He's pretty much known for it.

Now, you need to become aware of His love for you, but allowing yourself to feel it is the next thing and nothing bad happens to you when you surrender your heart.

The fear you feel is just the ego putting up a fight. The ego doesn't want this to happen because it likes being in control, it likes being the centre of your mind's attention.

Do you have a 'special place'? a place where you feel comfortable or at peace? It may be a park, a beach, in the bush, even at home?

How I like making the connection with Shiva is under a crescent moon, in the night sky (there's a beautiful one out right now), under all the stars and galaxies I look up...I feel my total abject insignificance...here I am, a speck of a soul on a tiny rock in the middle of all of that.

Then, I just start to pray and when I pray, I don't hold it back. I let my ego take a back-seat for a while...oh yeah, you never lose it! but I just go to my 'special place' and look up...and under the night sky, I open myself up to the glory of it all...the wonderment of the universe and I see the crescent moon...I see it in my Lord's hair, being the strings of quanta holding everything together...

So, I open up as much as I can and I feel that power inside me that you can also feel and I let it also co-relate to the force/power outside me, that dances naked across the fabric of space/time and I feel so humble, so peaceful and I allow myself to say these words at a deep level; "I love you, Shiva".

It may sound a bit absurd at first to your mind/ego, but ignore that and try and feel what your words are really expressing...what they really mean to you and your position in the universe as you acknowledge the power and force behind everything...just open up, give yourself permission to feel His love and go "I love you" and sink into that, into what it is you are feeling at the time, then you'll find the more love you feel, the deeper you will feel it, leading to you feeling more love.

If you are a visual or auditory person, you may use 'cues' to help you get in touch with what is in your heart as the core of the universe, be it pictures/images of Shiva or a nice Bhajan (devotional song) a Mantra like Aum Namah Shivaya. Whenever you remember it, just say "Aum Namah Shivaya". You don't have to chant rounds and rounds of it every day, just saying it a few times with focused love and devotion is enough.

You don't have to pray to Shiva every day, but just once a week will do, or whenever you allow yourself to let go and feel him inside...see Him outside.

This is why Shiva is called Bholenath (simple worship) and Asutosha (easily satisfied). It doesn't take rocket science or study of the scriptures to love and pray to Him and there's really no set way to do so either. He asks of his devotees nothing but love - and I mean the Aghoris offer Him meat, scotch and ganja and He'll take that...He also likes to toke weed Himself I hear, so He's pretty cool that way.

This is just to illustrate how approachable He is though, doing whatever we do and liking whatever we like for our own sake, but the other side of Him is the power that lives within us and the force that bends time and reality...creates and explodes stars...goes dancing sky-clad throughout the universe to the beat of His cosmic drum. Shiva is the perfect being and the perfect non-being. Everything we see, everything we feel is Shiva and what happens on the surface of our lives is only the veil of Maya...His Shakti that separates us from Him.

Your fear, your ego, your world...it's all an illusion in the grand scheme of things, in that place where the 'big picture' matters and Shiva is the master painter of it, using sacred geometry and mathematics to do so.

To me, Bhakti means acknowledging Shiva with love, both inside and out and realising this is who I am, what I believe in despite my belief in it, this is my soul-path to love and worship Him and this is my calling to be in service to Him, whatever he have me do - but He's not forthcoming about that most of the time. lol

I hope you can make the connection. Your ego is gonna fight you all the way there, give you hell and it's a real baptism of fire, but once the first teardrop falls, that's all it takes.

Aum Namah Shivaya

Last edited by Shivani Devi : 28-07-2017 at 02:47 AM.
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Old 29-07-2017, 03:02 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Shall I go there? Yep, I shall go there.

Do you know what Rudra means Shivatar? Rudra means to cry....to howl.

Rudra represents all the tears of pain, regret and remorse.

In the Upanishads, Sage Yajnavalkya states that there are eleven Rudras - the five senses/karmendriyas (that which relays sensory information to the mind), the five Jnanendriyas (that within the mind that makes sense of sensory input) and the Atman/Soul making up the eleven. It is said that when we die, when all these shut down and close off, they make us cry and hence, they are called Rudras.

Shiva is also called Rudra because when Brahma created the world and Shiva saw what a reckless job he did, Shiva cried and His tears fell to Earth...these became the Rudraksha beads and this is why Shaivites wear them.

Rudra is usually felt inside and worshiped by those who have felt very deep pain and turmoil in their lives. He seems to be the only thing that can make sense of it all, where any kind of 'loving God' cannot. Lord Rudra/Bhairava is death itself - death of ego, of pride, of fear and physicality.

Associating with Rudra means you have transcended the physical body and you embrace death with your soul.

I also think I have scared you off now, but I also understand I have given you massive shaktipat over the past two days so it's going to take some time to integrate this into your being and your awareness. Stuff is happening for you now, but take your time and I wish you love and peace.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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Old 05-08-2017, 04:37 AM
CrystalNoob CrystalNoob is offline
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Sounds amazing... wish I could feel this kind of power...
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:01 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Originally Posted by CrystalNoob
Sounds amazing... wish I could feel this kind of power...
No, you don't.

Unfortunately, it was all too much for Shivatar to handle...not to mention what it did to awareness yesterday when he linked with my energy.

It's a constant struggle to keep myself from drowning in it and suffering the same fate. It's only the love of Shiva stopping me.

Once you have this kind of dark power, it needs to be channeled into action. It needs an outlet or else it just keeps building up inside and causes your whole consciousness to implode...

...and while that may be great in the 'self realisation' aspect of things, people who are not ready for it will just commit suicide.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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Old 05-08-2017, 06:22 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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In the end, nobody can have any idea really.

This is what happened to Ravana! This is what happened to Bhasmasura! to Duryodhana!

Finally, even their love of Shiva couldn't save them, so they drowned...until God came along and put them out of their misery...

Now, when God comes along and puts one out of their misery, they obtain Moksha (liberation) on the spot! right there and then!

...and I am just waiting for that.

Om Namo Bhagavate Rudraaya
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