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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

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  #1  
Old 12-06-2017, 01:56 PM
keokutah keokutah is offline
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My grandpa is dying

I've lost a lot of people before, death is no stranger to me, but this is the first time I've ever been in the situation where I have time to actually say goodbye.

Every other time in my life, death has been unexpected or they had dementia so you couldn't talk to them, but this time it is expected and he is aware most of the time so I'm not sure how to handle it.

My grandfather has been given weeks to live.

I have regrets that I never got the chance to know him well enough. It's just that we live so far away so I rarely got the chance to visit with him. I feel like he is a great man and it is an honor to have him as my grandpa and the few times I have gotten to talk to him, I have learned a lot and really respect him.

I feel like I need to express that before he leaves, but I don't want to upset him by getting all emotional in the last days he has left, what is the right thing to do?

He's never been the kind of man who likes gifts, he usually hates whatever anyone gives him, but he enjoys art, and I am an artist, so I am contemplating painting him something, and giving him a card along with it. He's absolutely in love with his cat, it's one of the only joys of his life, and I'm thinking I should paint his cat.
I want to write a card with it, and just briefly say what I expressed here... that I think he's an amazing man and I regret that we haven't spent a lot of time together.
Father's day is coming up too so I can always use that as an excuse to give it to him so it doesn't come off as awkward and weird.

Surely he's aware that he's dying of leukemia most of the time, but sometimes he does get dementia and they have to explain it to him over and over again so I'm just worried that I might upset him by saying something like "i wish i got to know you more before you had to die" im going to make sure to word it in a better way.

Anyway, he's sort of made the choice to die. He has a do not resuscitate, and he didn't want to be treated, he doesn't want a blood transfusion to extend his life etc etc and at this point my mom is letting him eat junk food just because since it's the end of his life, he might as well enjoy it and do whatever he wants. Even though a part of me disagrees with that, another part of me thinks that's the right thing to do.

I feel helpless and powerless. If I was in control of the situation I would be forcing him to get treatment and trying all sorts of naturopathic cures to save him, things I've told my parents about, and I don't think they've tried enough, but at the same time I guess he's the one in control of his life and he doesn't want those things, besides I think he is at a point of no recovery, I don't think there's anything more they can do at this point, but still I feel powerless and like I should be doing something to save him. At this point, if I mention how I feel to my parents it will just make them feel like they aren't doing enough and I don't want them to feel that way.

A similar thing happened when a friend of the family died of cancer. I was actually very mad at him because he just gave up and was eating unhealthy things like macaroni and cheese every day, so of course he was sick, he never even tried to adopt a healthy lifestyle and was super negative, and to this day I am still angry at him for not even trying to fight the cancer and putting us all through that.
I wish people weren't allowed to just give up and die. It's a shameful death like suicide, in my opinion, i would just never want to put my loved ones through that personally. I swear if I ever find out I have a short time to live, I will be positive and will fight and live every day like it's my last (and that's actually happened to me before, thankfully I never died lol but that's how I handled it personally).

I feel like I need to "do" something. My spirit guide told me I don't have to do anything other than showing my love.

But I still feel like I need to do something to express myself.

The thing is I don't want to be there 24/7 like my mom is. It depresses me and overwhelms me, I guess everyone handles grief differently, I usually prefer to be alone when I am mourning, I just can't do it, and that makes me also feel selfish and like I'm not doing enough.

She literally drops everything in her life and takes care of people when they are dying, and I think it's very hard on her health, plus I have to work so I can't.

But I do want to go down there and say goodbye to him one last time. I am really liking the art idea.

So then I just think of what I would want if I were to die. I certainly wouldn't want people to abandon me, but I would definitely understand if they couldn't handle it, because I know what's that's like.

I think of the times when I was going through tons of surgeries and the time I had cancer in this life and I remember that people brought me gifts.

I know most gifts are meaningless, but some gifts are sentimental and actually mean a lot.

And I thought death is supposed to be a celebration of life. I don't know... I just feel like the right thing to do is give him a painting.

When I asked my dad if that was the right thing to do he was just like, "well he's not going to have it for long" but if I can make him happy even just for a moment, I think it would be worth it.

What do you think I should do?

And as far as my emotions go, I know I need to deal with all of that.
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  #2  
Old 12-06-2017, 02:06 PM
Eyeland Eyeland is offline
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By all means, followyour heart and yesgive him a painting,it's subjective of course but i found that to be a wonderful thought.
Death is indeed a celebration of life. Iwas pondering about it today by coincidence. If you think about it....only life destroys life. A soldier kills his enemy, a careless driver a pedestrian, a virus someone unlucky, our own body destroys itself with age. Death is the merciful release in each and every case in my eyes. And the ultimate gate....tomaybe better places.
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  #3  
Old 12-06-2017, 02:26 PM
shoni7510 shoni7510 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Death means a lot of things to people, some good some not so good. For me the hard part is knowning before hand that you are going to die, I find that people react differently. I would do what your grandfather did and refuse to have my life extended in any way. I would like to face my destiny in peace and surrounded by those who agree with me, I don't want arguments over what route I should or should not have taken. A painting of his dog sounds like a thing he may appreciate and he will take it with him beyond death. When you die he will show you that painting in the afterlife especially if you make it and give it with love.
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  #4  
Old 13-06-2017, 01:29 AM
Tobi Tobi is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6,024
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keokutah
I've lost a lot of people before, death is no stranger to me, but this is the first time I've ever been in the situation where I have time to actually say goodbye.

Every other time in my life, death has been unexpected or they had dementia so you couldn't talk to them, but this time it is expected and he is aware most of the time so I'm not sure how to handle it.

My grandfather has been given weeks to live.

I have regrets that I never got the chance to know him well enough. It's just that we live so far away so I rarely got the chance to visit with him. I feel like he is a great man and it is an honor to have him as my grandpa and the few times I have gotten to talk to him, I have learned a lot and really respect him.

I feel like I need to express that before he leaves, but I don't want to upset him by getting all emotional in the last days he has left, what is the right thing to do?

He's never been the kind of man who likes gifts, he usually hates whatever anyone gives him, but he enjoys art, and I am an artist, so I am contemplating painting him something, and giving him a card along with it. He's absolutely in love with his cat, it's one of the only joys of his life, and I'm thinking I should paint his cat.
I want to write a card with it, and just briefly say what I expressed here... that I think he's an amazing man and I regret that we haven't spent a lot of time together.
Father's day is coming up too so I can always use that as an excuse to give it to him so it doesn't come off as awkward and weird.

Surely he's aware that he's dying of leukemia most of the time, but sometimes he does get dementia and they have to explain it to him over and over again so I'm just worried that I might upset him by saying something like "i wish i got to know you more before you had to die" im going to make sure to word it in a better way.

Anyway, he's sort of made the choice to die. He has a do not resuscitate, and he didn't want to be treated, he doesn't want a blood transfusion to extend his life etc etc and at this point my mom is letting him eat junk food just because since it's the end of his life, he might as well enjoy it and do whatever he wants. Even though a part of me disagrees with that, another part of me thinks that's the right thing to do.

I feel helpless and powerless. If I was in control of the situation I would be forcing him to get treatment and trying all sorts of naturopathic cures to save him, things I've told my parents about, and I don't think they've tried enough, but at the same time I guess he's the one in control of his life and he doesn't want those things, besides I think he is at a point of no recovery, I don't think there's anything more they can do at this point, but still I feel powerless and like I should be doing something to save him. At this point, if I mention how I feel to my parents it will just make them feel like they aren't doing enough and I don't want them to feel that way.

A similar thing happened when a friend of the family died of cancer. I was actually very mad at him because he just gave up and was eating unhealthy things like macaroni and cheese every day, so of course he was sick, he never even tried to adopt a healthy lifestyle and was super negative, and to this day I am still angry at him for not even trying to fight the cancer and putting us all through that.
I wish people weren't allowed to just give up and die. It's a shameful death like suicide, in my opinion, i would just never want to put my loved ones through that personally. I swear if I ever find out I have a short time to live, I will be positive and will fight and live every day like it's my last (and that's actually happened to me before, thankfully I never died lol but that's how I handled it personally).

I feel like I need to "do" something. My spirit guide told me I don't have to do anything other than showing my love.

But I still feel like I need to do something to express myself.

The thing is I don't want to be there 24/7 like my mom is. It depresses me and overwhelms me, I guess everyone handles grief differently, I usually prefer to be alone when I am mourning, I just can't do it, and that makes me also feel selfish and like I'm not doing enough.

She literally drops everything in her life and takes care of people when they are dying, and I think it's very hard on her health, plus I have to work so I can't.

But I do want to go down there and say goodbye to him one last time. I am really liking the art idea.

So then I just think of what I would want if I were to die. I certainly wouldn't want people to abandon me, but I would definitely understand if they couldn't handle it, because I know what's that's like.

I think of the times when I was going through tons of surgeries and the time I had cancer in this life and I remember that people brought me gifts.

I know most gifts are meaningless, but some gifts are sentimental and actually mean a lot.

And I thought death is supposed to be a celebration of life. I don't know... I just feel like the right thing to do is give him a painting.

When I asked my dad if that was the right thing to do he was just like, "well he's not going to have it for long" but if I can make him happy even just for a moment, I think it would be worth it.

What do you think I should do?

And as far as my emotions go, I know I need to deal with all of that.

I am sorry to hear your Grandpa's health is declining fast. Bless his Soul.

With my own mother and father, when it became obvious their days on Earth were becoming fewer, I just gathered all the memories, and sat with them, and hugged them, and thanked them for what they had done for me in my life. And we might reminisce, about happy times, or funny things that had happened, or special times when they gave me their support.
I was physically not with either my mother or my father at the moment of their passing. I missed my Dad's passing by a few days, an dmy mother's by not getting up early enough that morning, as I had been sitting with her the night before until past midnight. My brother beat me to the hospital that morning and was with her when she left.

I don't know if it is already arranged, but if your Grandfather loves his cat, then what will give him great peace and relief, will be to know his cat will be safely cared for and loved after he has left. That is probably the most important 'gift' you could give him -to reassure him if you can, about that. There will be a diplomatic way of saying it, without referring to his state of critical health right now. But he probably knows anyway. Even beyond his dementia episodes.
Maybe you could say something like: "If anything were to happen to you Grandpa, then (name of his cat) will be well loved and looked after by xxx"
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