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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 18-11-2016, 03:02 AM
ChibiFangirl ChibiFangirl is offline
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Questions about Polyamory

So I consider myself a polyamorous, even though my life is still beginning (I'm only 21) though I haven't gotten to the part where I have kept a relationship long term nor have I gotten to the point where I have multiple partners, so it makes this sort of questions a bit complicated.

The last year and a half I've had problems with keeping a relationship. After I "broke up" with my crush So of October of this year I thought I met my soul mate becuase he looked exactly like the guy in my dreams and had the same personal qualities and hobbies. However we broke up after a month of dating (which is a totally another story with in its self) So that leads me to a few questions;
1-If a couple (triangle or whatever shape you want to associate polys with) with a spiritual bond break up, is it possible to get back together and this wasn't the best time to be together or do you think it may not of been the guy in my dreams and some odd coincidence? [I mean there are a lot of men with long dark hair, six feet and have some sort of artsy and spiritual personality, right?]
2-Is it possible for a poly person to have multiple soul mates becuase I've only seen the same guy and no one else, at least not in the past year and a half? Thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 28-01-2018, 01:28 AM
CosmicPartyGrl CosmicPartyGrl is offline
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I know this a very old thread but I hate that it was left empty. I personally believe you can have more than soul mate. Friends and family who are important markers in your life could be a soul mate, and/or just someone you had to meet for your own personal growth. It could be that at a later time you end back up together but take this time apart to look inward and find out what you need going forward.

I'm polyamorous for over 10 years now and I definitely believe you can and do have more than one soul mate and just people you're meant to be meet in your life. Without my three partners I know my life would be drastically different. I love them. Hang in there and maybe do some research on polyamorous dynamics and see if you identify with some of its ideals.

Good luck!
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  #3  
Old 14-02-2018, 07:49 AM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmicPartyGrl

I'm polyamorous for over 10 years now and I definitely believe you can and do have more than one soul mate and just people you're meant to be meet in your life. Without my three partners I know my life would be drastically different. I love them. Hang in there and maybe do some research on polyamorous dynamics and see if you identify with some of its ideals.

Good luck!

If soul mates exist - what would be the point of multiples?

It's not enough to have multiple partners whom are not special enough individuals to commit to, now the ever longed for soul mate becomes a shared thing?

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"

A soul mate is regarded as special, the one. It sounds as though you don't really understand the concept of "the one" - its not an insult by the way but you'd be missing out on an actual soul mate by claiming that your teacher, bus driver & swimming instructor were all your soul mates.

I jest a little but multiple partners after university age is often a sign of something under the surface that isn't being addressed.

The OP isn't experienced enough in relationships to realise that others can use & abuse someone who doesn't ask for loyalty or respect from the beginning.
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  #4  
Old 17-02-2018, 09:45 PM
Tortoise Walks Tortoise Walks is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
If soul mates exist - what would be the point of multiples?

It's not enough to have multiple partners whom are not special enough individuals to commit to, now the ever longed for soul mate becomes a shared thing?

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"

A soul mate is regarded as special, the one. It sounds as though you don't really understand the concept of "the one" - its not an insult by the way but you'd be missing out on an actual soul mate by claiming that your teacher, bus driver & swimming instructor were all your soul mates.

I jest a little but multiple partners after university age is often a sign of something under the surface that isn't being addressed.

The OP isn't experienced enough in relationships to realise that others can use & abuse someone who doesn't ask for loyalty or respect from the beginning.

Loyalty and respect can exist in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. Why assume otherwise? Sure there can be folks who do not experience loyalty or give respect or love but it's definitely not restricted to polyamorists. Why not ask OP why she considers herself polyamorous and what that means to her?

Being the ONE to me means recognizing that no one can come between you spiritually. You just are ONE - together, separate, (regardless)... living within each other... the love and ONEness can be felt deeply. Whispers to you in the breeze...

With the ONE no limitations are required. Jealousy and fear of authenticity can be (need to be) dissolved and transmuted (as I experience on my path). Being the ONE doesn't mean a promised picture perfect shared life together... We don't do ALL of our soul work with one other person - no matter how amazing the connection. And all of our soul growth doesn't end by university age... Heck the ONE may not show up in your life until much later in life. Maybe even post marriage and kids...

We each get to make choices in how we live, learn, grow through the connections and experiences that life brings. To me its about being exposed to/connected with/opened up to such crazy love potential and living life accordingly... by aligning and realigning each day with that bandwidth/frequency of love and allowing the same for my loved ones.

I do respectfully commit to more than one relationship at a time. Everyday I spend time and energy with people whom I share my life with lovingly on a regular basis... and others I share my heart and presence with for a few minutes or hours as our paths cross... Why is it so challenging to imagine that multiple loving, respectful, loyal, committed relationships can coexist at one time when sexual energy is present? Relationships where everybody grows and leans towards abundance... reveling in the joy/challenges each other brings. I think it's co-dependence, social taboo and fear of one's world being shaken up more than anything... fear that "their love" will up an leave or treat them poorly and they'll have to go through the process of redefining themselves as an individual.

Do you need to feel like you are the ONLY ONE for whom deep love is felt in order to feel special enough? Why does the existence of one other or multiple loves or sexual partners get tossed into the non-committed, disrespectful bucket almost automatically? Does love for another diminish love for you? There absolutely can be respect and commitment for each person especially if we drop possessive and ownership mindsets. All with the intention of the highest growth and greatest well being for our partners in love.

Not everyone spends every night/day/idea of their life with one other person in continual 24/7 regularity... Life is fascinating, careers are intriguing, friends are wonderful, there are endless possibilities as there are different families and destinations. I am thankful for all of the curious loving soul connections that I meet along the way that have helped shaped who I am today... I don't always know what it will look like except that I'd like to nourish an open heart.

The way I see it... if there is a ONE... (in some kinda TF-like soul connection or a One Soulmate perspective) facing any insecurities/fears that arise from my authentic relationships and feelings with soulmates who I love/cherish/share time/affection/truth/growth with in my life is part of the spiritual journey.

Loyalty and respect for everyone... not just the ONE.
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  #5  
Old 18-02-2018, 03:28 PM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tortoise Walks
Loyalty and respect can exist in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. Why assume otherwise? Sure there can be folks who do not experience loyalty or give respect or love but it's definitely not restricted to polyamorists. Why not ask OP why she considers herself polyamorous and what that means to her?

The way I see it... if there is a ONE... (in some kinda TF-like soul connection or a One Soulmate perspective) facing any insecurities/fears that arise from my authentic relationships and feelings with soulmates who I love/cherish/share time/affection/truth/growth with in my life is part of the spiritual journey.

Loyalty and respect for everyone... not just the ONE.

The OP is only 21 & is basing the idea of the soul mate on a "picture" within mind - not based on feelings.

At the end of the day - I don't care!

If someone is young however & are being swayed towards a potentially damaging lifestyle then .. sorry .. I will speak up.

They don't have to listen but at least I said something. If a youngster purchased a fast motorbike it would be the same concept.

I.e don't run before you can walk. Don't jump from person to person just because a single relationship has not worked out - especially so young.

Poly-amorous relationships are between those people to sort out - but lets be truthful - unless you live within a commune how is the time & attention shared out evenly?

How are you "there" for more than one person at once?

If there are two tragedies or three how do you decide who you prioritise?

If there were multiple children - which get attention & when?

Now for a 21 year old most of these problems/ questions are a few years away - BUT - it's a big culture shock, especially if one of the "other" people are obsessive or jealous types. Or if a child happens to be thrown into the mix.

It sounds as though the OP is not yet ready for "commitment" & that is fine.

A person may never be ready to fully commit to one person - that's your choice but don't pretend that everything is rosey & bright.

Polyamorous relationships often stem from a bad place, commitment or family history whereby a person doesn't feel that they deserve to be treated particularly special so they "share".

I would like to think that my initial post & this one is one of responsibility not just a knee jerk reaction because it suits or doesn't suit me.

If a person were to post about eating paint chips or stones I swear one person would justify it "because I do it all the time".

.
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  #6  
Old 21-02-2018, 04:24 AM
Tortoise Walks Tortoise Walks is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
The OP is only 21 & is basing the idea of the soul mate on a "picture" within mind - not based on feelings.

At the end of the day - I don't care!

If someone is young however & are being swayed towards a potentially damaging lifestyle then .. sorry .. I will speak up..

I resonate with the idea that every woman would benefit most from feeling into what is in her heart's authentic alignment. Know or lean into her own inner compass. THIS more than any other's outside words and advice or expectation that isn't her own and does not resonate inside.

Once I found trust in my own inner compass and leaned in ...
my fears had less and less of a fearful hold on me. It did take a huge dark night of the soul to set me on my way... followed by a wallop of a spiritual connection that catalyzed the heck out of me. Maybe unaddressed issues extending well into adulthood... maybe exactly what is required for my particular path... to each his/her own... my trust is my courage to approach life!

Relationship concepts like monogamy and polyamory can be expressed in damaging ways... and loving ways, IMHO. Naive (in age or thought) or not ~ life comes and we grow or... stagnate and decay... I commit to my heart's growth! and trust it's resilience... cuz' I feel it. And. I've witnessed its shattering and resurgence well often enough. Sure, you can call it rosy colored glasses if you like

I consider it part of many shifts in my perspective... and focus. reconsidering belief systems that while they served me this far... inside I was needing to purge what no longer serves me an re-emerge.

I appreciate knowing that I am free to relate and know people and love whoever my heart chooses to love. Sharing authentically (what is good for me to express) in face of any fear, leaning into my journey of releasing attachment to outcomes. People choose/love to be in my life and I theirs. (Maybe my kids don't feel this way but even this perhaps is perfect...) While kind and patient I will not allow social norms, nor a love's fears and insecurity, to confine my heart... I honestly share with the people closest to me how I feel and it's been good for me so far. Is it always easy? Heck no!!!! Relationships and being authentic and communicating with care takes a lot - especially if one has inner wounds to heal. and shadow stuff to see. And I do. Do you?

Personally, I'm not hopping into multiple beds and sexual escapades from love to new love... This seems to be an idea about polyamory that I bump into a lot and I guess I am choosing to speak up about this assumption. There are about as many expressions of polyamory as there are types of families... If you have a family or want a family you'd like to prioritize your time... Ok! Have at it! Polyamory doesn't stop you from organizing your life this way.

It can be challenging to know what structures and concepts to re-evaluate... and building from the broken ground up... beliefs that resonate and empower. From knowing what one desires, committing to growth... and holding no expectations and belief of entitlement to it... Rather manifesting through self motivation, passion and commitment. Authenticity being it's own gift of freedom... We show up not out of duty or predetermined/chosen hierarchy but because we desire it and commit to it each day.

Wife, ex-wife, sister, friend, lover, daughters, sons, co-workers, Co-Founder, ... Bandwidth and time can be limited no matter the reason... and emergencies happen... yes. Planning ahead and being real about what you are looking for is essential. People do split attentions and share attentions and find all kinds of ways to support each other. Especially if we are coming from a generous and loving place. Basing our choices to limit love for someone because of some projected/imagined date(s) of conflict is fear based, IMO. If there is an emergency I imagine your life partners will do what they can to show up. Or you have a network of support... for those times when we are not immediately on hand for a variety of reasons. This is where interdependence helps me feel safe and provided for. Do you have an emergency contact list?

What is damaging about acknowledging and intentionally holding space for our loved ones and ourselves to be free to receive and give love. Can you consider that its possible to love more than one... If it is possible I'd like to hold space for it's potentiality rather than put an immediate kibosh on it because... why? How do you suppose your partner shares any love they have for another in a system that potentially breaks down when life happens and love is felt. Whether it includes sex or not. Sex can get us all overly excited and blocked right?... hehe...

Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
They don't have to listen but at least I said something. If a youngster purchased a fast motorbike it would be the same concept.

I.e don't run before you can walk. Don't jump from person to person just because a single relationship has not worked out - especially so young..

Monogamous often jump from person to person too... especially while young. Never worked for me... YMMV. OP seems to want more stability and long term connection. I hope she found her way...


Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Poly-amorous relationships are between those people to sort out - but lets be truthful - unless you live within a commune how is the time & attention shared out evenly?

How are you "there" for more than one person at once?

If there are two tragedies or three how do you decide who you prioritise?

If there were multiple children - which get attention & when?

Now for a 21 year old most of these problems/ questions are a few years away - BUT - it's a big culture shock, especially if one of the "other" people are obsessive or jealous types. Or if a child happens to be thrown into the mix.

It sounds as though the OP is not yet ready for "commitment" & that is fine.

A person may never be ready to fully commit to one person - that's your choice but don't pretend that everything is rosey & bright.


I suspect we have different ideas on what commitment means :-)


Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
Polyamorous relationships often stem from a bad place, commitment or family history whereby a person doesn't feel that they deserve to be treated particularly special so they "share".

*relationships often stem from a bad place, commitment or family history whereby a person doesn't feel that they deserve to be treated particularly special* FULL STOP YES!!! We inherit a lot for sure...

Relationships bring up our stuff and maybe so many who attempt polyamorous relationships may be trying to limp a dying relationship along rather than put it to rest... at least they are trying something... taking action... maybe the exploration helps a relationship reach a different level... relationship structure won't matter one bit if the relating is broken...
practice practice practice


Quote:
Originally Posted by knightoflenity
I would like to think that my initial post & this one is one of responsibility not just a knee jerk reaction because it suits or doesn't suit me.

If a person were to post about eating paint chips or stones I swear one person would justify it "because I do it all the time".

.

I appreciate your desire to share wisdom as you've attained it. I'm interested in the situations you've witnessed. Just doing the same... OP considers herself polyamorous. At least at the time of this post. I'm just accepting that as a meaningful and conscious choice for the OP to make. If it shifts or changes in time and experience... Ok.

To answer the original question... can a soulmate return even after a break up when timing or whatever is better?

Anything is possible. best to live as if there is no guarantee... and imagine your greatest story. live life fully Now. And welcome love into your heart. Even if that means loving and accepting yourself and your love for someone who doesn't want to share their life with you atm. for whatever reason.

Cheers
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  #7  
Old 23-02-2018, 06:27 AM
angelic star angelic star is offline
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If you mean we have many potential partners in terms of soul mates, yes, our family, friends, classmates, teachers they are all our soul mates. That is we build something substantial with them over a period of time and those relationships have integrity. I am full with them. And they have been around me for the longest time.
I am busy person and and I can't entertain anymore than that. Or else my entire life would be invested on multiple partnerships, and sorting them out, waste of my time. That's how it is for me. I have chosen my priorities.
But maybe for someone they have chosen their priorities in terms of developing relationships with others for many different reasons, and that's how they like to view relationships and life as. It's okay. As long as people have healthier view about themselves and others, about relationships in general and have healed their inner wounds just enough and redeemed themselves just enough to know they are making right choices in terms of developing relationships with others.

I feel if one is operating from a place of sadness, it can be something one might have chosen differently in terms of filling emptiness, anxiety, emotional well being, it's possible that when one is not completely healed they might make choices that might not be conducive to their over all well being , and relationships they chose. Those choices might have consequences, because you have not understood yourself own self, and are navigating through what you understand of life and relationships that you might not have healed enough from.
If one is chosing relationships from a place of growth, a place of understanding, a place of unconditional love for self and another, a place of empowerment and happiness, then they might attract healthier connections that really fill their cup. Because then one does have guilt/ fear/ shame to overcome.
The latter is what most people venture into, developing bonds with others, and even exploring partnerships with some romantic potentials, until they haven't found someone they decide to spend their life with. That can be quite the journey. In that sense most people are polyamorous then.
Otherwise developing a healthy sense of self, and letting go of fear or emptiness, denial might be very hard to find in a relationship through another, if love , healing and understanding has not been found with self first.


It depends how people view 'polyamory' as. We definitely can love more than one person and that love might not be just limited to 'romantic ' love only. Even if it's romantic love , it depends how you would define that love as. Love as physical intimacy with multiple people ? or love as sharing a soul bond , unconditional/ selfless love to another, like a parent to a child. Even one friend to another
I watch this show called the bachelor, idk if you others are aware of the show. People just romance multiple people, I guess it takes a certain kind of courage and vulnerability to explore those partnerships. But even those people who chose multiple partners, want to find the one person they can spend the rest of their lives with. When I watch the show, I feel like 'finding the one person for the rest of a lifetime' might be a joke, because they end up changing partners anyways lol.
That being said, are all people likely to do something along those lines ? No. There are also people who are serious and more committed than the rest.
I have friends who have been around me for longest time, we have survived lol. I don't see why that is so hard, unless one or both partners want to make it that way. That being faithful or being loyal to one person is very hard lol. it really isn't.
I remember watching an interview of two celebs about a decade ago. The interviewer asked them " Is it hard to stay loyal to each other ? you are both young and famous "
They both said confidently ' It's not hard at all. I don't see why when you are in love , can you even think of another man or woman '
They both are now happily married and have been so for more than decade, which is hard in the glamour industry with so many good looking and talented people around you are romancing on screen all the time.
I don't see being faithful / or loyal as very hard concept. People demand loyalty from each other. Partners demand loyalty from each others, and it can happen for a lifetime, if its meant to be.


About jealousy and posession in partnerships. Someone just told me about their wife, 'some amount of possession is healthy', and its true. People get jealous/ mad/ bitter/ argumentative with each other all the time. We all want to defend what we think is right, we can also be possessive and protective of what we believe in and extend it to others or in our partnerships. People enjoy each other's attention and possession as well. I think we even like out enemies/ or the ones we hate so much, because they trigger us enough to care to rebel or oppose them. Like hate/ conflict a twisted form of love. Even friends get possessive of each others, it's not just limited to romantic partners.
Some amount of possession and protection is healthy, and maybe people who like to call themselves polyamorous can get possessive and protective of more than one person or multiple people, because it's human nature to care for anything enough that has integrity or means something to them.
in any case, multiple partners or not, we find love variously. Some of us find it through various people, and others through a partner for a lifetime.

I don't see how an act of possession is so unhealthy or toxic in a partnership, that you must seek out other people to prevent it or be complacent about it/ get over it. That might as well mean they have not healed their jealousy/ trust issues as much as they make themselves and others believe.
Events and circumstances might render toxic outcomes and negative emotions like toxic jealousy / unhealthy obsession or unhealthy sense of possession. If you loved hard and your partner cheated on you for years, you might not want to commit again in life. But a soul need remains and it might has well be channeled for different reasons. Either inability to commit again, or inability to heal or access a major life trauma that left an impact and loss of self.
It can be used for good reasons too, and acceptance of life and relationships, without attachment on a more positive side. Taking life as it comes, without expecting outcomes. That is general acceptance of one self and having no relationship goals as such. Lots of young people do that. So, most of us might be polyamorous these days. Or in one's later years, after a certain period of time and maturity when you cannot go back and change events that happened. So one take life as it comes, because life had thrown them in many situations anyways.


I think the problem is people aren't very noble these days, so you see people being unfaithful more easily than they were earlier times. My grand mother married my grandfather when she was 18 , and she was almost exotic and extremely beautiful as a young person. They stayed happily married for a lifetime, my grandfather couldn't do without my grandmom. The concept of being unfaithful/ cheating is almost foreign to them.
In a time when we value emotional freedom more, that emotional freedom might be more important than commitment. And we extend those emotional choices to our physicality as well. Sometimes they can be of sexual nature ( that to most people is an outrage ). Sometimes we might forgive these little injustices because some of us follow our whims and impulses more than a desire to commit.
People have lost faith in loyalty / faithfulness these days because people cheat more often these days. So some just prepare themselves emotionally by not committing to one person because of fear. And others maybe , the one on the brighter sides, who are more passionate actually take courage and put themselves out there and have more courage to explore love and relationships, until they feel settled with themselves and find more stability than relying on an external source, in terms of romantic love.
And for others that 'romantic love' might be found variously, throughout life, constantly with so many people. They don't care for stability and don't have stability.

Last edited by angelic star : 23-02-2018 at 08:39 AM.
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Old 23-02-2018, 08:42 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiFangirl
So I consider myself a polyamorous, even though my life is still beginning (I'm only 21) though I haven't gotten to the part where I have kept a relationship long term nor have I gotten to the point where I have multiple partners, so it makes this sort of questions a bit complicated.

The last year and a half I've had problems with keeping a relationship. After I "broke up" with my crush So of October of this year I thought I met my soul mate becuase he looked exactly like the guy in my dreams and had the same personal qualities and hobbies. However we broke up after a month of dating (which is a totally another story with in its self) So that leads me to a few questions;
1-If a couple (triangle or whatever shape you want to associate polys with) with a spiritual bond break up, is it possible to get back together and this wasn't the best time to be together or do you think it may not of been the guy in my dreams and some odd coincidence? [I mean there are a lot of men with long dark hair, six feet and have some sort of artsy and spiritual personality, right?]
2-Is it possible for a poly person to have multiple soul mates becuase I've only seen the same guy and no one else, at least not in the past year and a half? Thoughts?

Honest opinion?

Your profile shows you to be aged 21. It sounds like (rightly) you're exploring yourself in relation to others emotionally and sensually. As long as you aren't going out of your way to hurt others' feelings it would seem something that you have to go through. Try to end anything on an agreeable note though if someone does get obsessive (or you do) the break may turn out rancorous. Just has to be borne and one hopes to learn social lessons from it.

Not helpful but my answer to both your questions is "it's possible." It depends what you seek in a soulmate. To me it's a very deep affinity with someone, nigh 100% trust but doesn't have to involve the carnal.

I well remember myself at 21... no comment, LOL.
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Old 23-02-2018, 09:03 AM
angelic star angelic star is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiFangirl
So I consider myself a polyamorous, even though my life is still beginning (I'm only 21) though I haven't gotten to the part where I have kept a relationship long term nor have I gotten to the point where I have multiple partners, so it makes this sort of questions a bit complicated.

The last year and a half I've had problems with keeping a relationship. After I "broke up" with my crush So of October of this year I thought I met my soul mate becuase he looked exactly like the guy in my dreams and had the same personal qualities and hobbies. However we broke up after a month of dating (which is a totally another story with in its self) So that leads me to a few questions;
1-If a couple (triangle or whatever shape you want to associate polys with) with a spiritual bond break up, is it possible to get back together and this wasn't the best time to be together or do you think it may not of been the guy in my dreams and some odd coincidence? [I mean there are a lot of men with long dark hair, six feet and have some sort of artsy and spiritual personality, right?]
2-Is it possible for a poly person to have multiple soul mates becuase I've only seen the same guy and no one else, at least not in the past year and a half? Thoughts?

Right, I missed that part. If you are just 21, you have just begun to venture into adult relationships. If there is someone you have been seeing in your dreams, yes this could be potential partner.
There is something about timing, they call it divine timing if you believe in it. Everything happens when it's meant to.
We all have multiple soul mates. Depends how you define soul mates as. If soul mates as romantic partners, yes. I think 21 is young to define definite relationship goals, but some people have them early too.
I recently had a friend , she is 25 get married last year and move to another country with guy she only knew for roughly 8 months I think.
She had two boyfriends for longer time before the current one came along, but it never happened with them. And now she suddenly married and surprised everyone. But these relationships were not like having multiple partners for her, even though she was open to love, she is serious and committed.
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Old 23-02-2018, 09:12 AM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Soul mates were never regarded as multiple partners:

Via dictionary. Com

"Though the phrase soul mate gained steam toward the end of the twentieth century, the idea goes all the way back to Plato’s Symposium, written in 385–380 BCE.
In Symposium, when the two dialogists discuss love, Aristophanes tells Socrates that human beings used to have four arms, four legs, and two faces, and they were happy and complete. But Zeus was jealous and split them in two with his thunderbolt, and now humans spend their lives searching for their other half. This idea of an “other half” has been with us ever since.

But the phrase soul mate itself was first recorded in 1822, when the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote in a letter, “To be happy in Married Life . . . you must have a Soul-mate.”


It's the new age type authors redefining terms to suit book sales.

Lots of well meaning people are being openly deceived & what's worse is that they try to convince others.
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