I gave up

[smARTistic girl]

I gave up yesterday, my twin is apparently needing space and won't tell me. Instead he's just started ignoring me again, a move he's pulled before. Although it hurts like hell, I'm usually ok with it, but yesterday I finally had enough. We were not lovers, we were friends... and I have *never* let a friend treat me so poorly. I'm tired of it. Of feeling like I'm the only one trying... so I made up my mind to just let go and let it be. I took everything off my phone that reminds me of him and sent him a telepathic message to take care. I felt okay for a short while, but then absolutely broken. I cried all fricking day and night... even when my brain was saying, "this is stupid, quit crying" and "it's for the best, you'll feel better". *smh* Weird.

I didn't fight it. I just let it wash through me. It's somewhat better this morning, but this is the first song I heard this morning. It's "invincible" by muse. I'm a fan, but never heard this song until now (full disclosure, for some reason I thought it was green day when I heard it.) Of course I'm like "whoa"

"Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
You will be alright
'Cause there's noone like you
In the universe

Don't be afraid
What your mind conceals
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe

And tonight we can truly say, together we're invincible

Sharing the struggle
They will pull us down
but please, please lets use this chance to turn things areound

And tonight we can truly say, together we're invincible

Do it on your own
It makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be
And whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable

Sharing the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please lets use this chance
To turn things around

And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible
Together we're invincible

Sharing the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please lets use this chance
To turn things around

And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible"

*sigh* I'm trying to respect his wishes here and do the right thing. I think the syncs should take a break for a while, don't you?

Thanks for listening to me whine (for make no mistake, that IS what I'm doing ;)

Take care.

[gypsymystique]

We all need to whine sometimes.

[Andromeda27]

You're doing the right thing by releasing. Your story is eerily exactly like mine. He was ignoring me for months, I was getting clear messages that he didn't want to talk but I kept pushing it. I finally let it go. I decided to just concentrate on me. The syncs were crazy and making ME feel crazy. I learned it was ok to give up on trying to push him, but it was not ok to give up on myself.

2 weeks ago I suddenly had this crazy push that I needed to tell him exactly how I felt. It was terrifying, but I did it. I sent a novel of an email and was sure that I just burned up any chance we would ever have because this would surely scare him off, but I had to do it for ME.

Last weekend I wrote in my journal that I was so tired of this. I didn't want to wait anymore, I've been trying so hard and I'm just DONE. I went for a walk under the full moon and made my request clear, I need SOMETHING. Either for us to move forward or for the cord to be cut and have this done with.

The next day, he reached out. We have completely and totally reconnected and I can tell you that every hurt and every day of the last 8 years was entirely WORTH IT.

You are SO close. Don't lose hope!

Smarty sorry to hear yr going thru a tough time - surrendering to what is is all you can do really and allow yrself to feel whatever comes up...find your way to compassion for him - from his shoes, he is in love with a woman who is unavailable - so as easy as it is to say we can be friends, the reality is with a connection like this it's easier said than done....I am sure he wonders what exactly it is you expect from him. Just ride the waves Hun you will be ok x

[Teal]

You got a lot of strength in you. Good for you. I think loving soul has the right thing here in saying he is in love with you.

I additionally picked up on this...He wants you more then as a friend. He seems to settle on this because he does respect your decisions.... He gets tied up in knots. He is trying to find a way to let go of the notion of "romantic"" If that make any sense. He will jump back and forth between just friends and "romantic"

and as loving soul said ride the waves...

[smARTistic girl]

Thanks to all of you for your supportive words. They mean SO much.

That's the thing, I don't want him to have to go through that. *I* don't want to have to feel him go through it. I want him to move on, to lead a happy life, even though it's without me in it.

TBT, I just want it to end. I'm tired of being strong. It hurts WAY too much. I've let him go. I just hope this need I have to make sure he's alright fades. It's THE thing that has kept me attached all this time. I know if he truly is a twin, it probably won't, but maybe it'll get easy enough to live with. Right now it's kinda unbearable. I don't need the syncs. I truly don't.

[Teal]

There is so much talk about how to locate/identify/sustain/ and all the other must haves. Oh that is right there is a app for that.

where are the get out of this connection "experts" lol.

[Jatd]

((hugs)) Hang in there sweet one!

We are all very capable of living a fulfilling life without our twins - HOWEVER - it is no mistake or joke of the Universe that u have been brought together - there is a purpose to it - and if we cld just come together and then move on so easily then what would be the point of that? The purpose is to literally throw the cards in the air - for each to question their very existence and purpose here so that we are brought to our full realization of self and of our purpose here...no it's not a few month or even few year process - it will remain, and we will grow through it - like it or not - we can only find acceptance and surrender to Gods/Universal plan - and instead of fighting for control, embrace every moment of life and align further with our truth.

[Impulsv]

So sorry to hear your going through this. Like loving soul said it is hard to love your twin n get confused how its not to be romantic. I keep telling myself I know it's unconditional but I struggle with it. It's a continued emotional rollercoaster. I keep asking why he won't let me go then if romantic feelings aren't there for him. But he won't and I can't either. Seeing your post is seeing his point of view that he is probably hurting too. Can feel my pain that I want more. I guess both our lessons are to bless this connection and find that joy without him. Easily said then done