False ascension matrix?

[Sarahpro]

Hello,
I am wondering if I am caught in the false ascension matrix. A few months ago I was meditating then felt this novel bliss that wasn’t amazing it was just like hm..that was weird and kinda scary. Ever since then became obsessed with ascension and completing my awakening. The day after that suddenly had an intrusive thought that I should leave the planet, and in retrospect felt like that was an energetic invasion. Then constant insomnia and intense paranoia and anxiety. my crown chakra started expanding and showing me crazy stuff incl info pertaining to sexual perversions, weird Buddha energy, and I just felt so ungrounded. Heart began to weaken but could be because I was pushing away the fearful shamed part of myself. Then had more thoughts I should leave the planet, and then sudden intrusive thoughts about fallen angels, NAA, false ascension etc.
Currently difficult to connect with love- there is a burning sensation in my heart chakra. I have all the help and tools I need but feeling extremely confused, racing thoughts, trying to get myself back but feels like the fear I’m resisting is making me feel more and more disconnected from myself.
I know I need to face the fear- I am trying meds and they don’t seem to cover it up- however when I try to do that on my own I get caught in my head and paranoid that going deep into myself without equanimity will do further damage. So I have my mind set on soul retrieval or some journey where I can feel whole and integrate trauma.

Anything that feeds the consumer mind and anything that has a group on the internet and makes sense to a person that lives in the world today is part of the game of enlightenment/ matrix