My NDE (accidently posted elsewhere too! oops)

[Phoenix72]

Hi everyone,

Well joined a couple of weeks ago and did say hello on the Welcome thread, been meaning to get into chat and start contributing but life just seems to run away with you at times.

Back in March this year, well March the 8th at 11am as now etched on my mind forever! I was about to go out for lunch with my wife on our day off and after putting something in the car I walked back into the house and all of a sudden felt very unwell and dazed.

Remember holding onto a chair and then thinking "bugger this isn't good" and that was it! I had collapsed let out a scream and managed to end up on the floor in the kitchen. My wife ran own to find me shaking and foaming at the mouth in a seizure that lasted for 20 - 25 minutes, being an ex paramedic she knew it was bad and got help from next door to call ambulance and returned to find me blue not breathing and heart had stopped. She went straight into CPR and eventually I coughed and ambo arrived to take over, I have no memory of this at all, but.......!

What I do know is that I did know something was happening and to me it was and felt normal and surreal all at the same time and yet I was as calm as anything within my mind. I was so at ease and so peaceful and had no cares in the world. I didn't have the life flash before my eyes thing (which was probably just as well as more than likely been disappointed lol)

Blackness is all I could see and I mean total and utter nothingness, I felt nothing saw nothing and no emotions at all, just floating in a sea of dark flowing blackness and was so happy and contented. Then all of a sudden with a force that I cannot even begin to describe pushed me from behind and came round feeling very sick and confused a little put out and sitting in the back of the ambulance, answered a question that the paramedic asked me threw up and blacked out again only to wake up in the hospital.

I was absolutely shattered and it took a few days for me to recover and a whole week in hospital. Now I have been told Epilepsy as had a few more wobbles since but also could be a heart problem, all being investigated at present.

Now I have not told a soul about my experience accept here in my welcome post. My first thought when I came round was to ask for my wife Denise, I didn't because she passed away from cancer 10 years ago at the age of 30, and considering my current wife saved my life it might of upset her a touch and she is still shaken by it all. It was then that I realised it was Denise that pushed me and that there is another side to life, life and dimensions that we could not possibly comprehend.

Denise was always spiritual, she could read people she could see things in tea leaves and sensed stuff predicted stuff unbelievably well. In fact her first words to me when we met is she knew she would die young as she was needed elsewhere. Of course at the time I thought she was talking nonsense. But I did get into crystals/spirituality self help etc after she died I lost all that and seem to be just wandering through life not knowing what to do or where to go.

Tried different jobs but keep coming back to some form of counselling/coaching/befriending areas, even done a level 2 counselling course and then into Police but that's all gone now as couldn't do job with issues I may have. At the moment I am not working but looking into volunteering with a mental health charity. I cannot stop thinking about that day and how it felt and how peaceful it was and I actually yearn for that feeling again such an amazing feeling that I just cannot explain. I feel as though my inner core and feelings have changed dramatically since then, everything! towards my current wife (seeing differences I never saw before) my outlook on society and our wasteful consumerism lifestyle, mind numbing conversations about nothing.

Today I dug out all my old crystals,cleansed them and have them by my bed along with all my old books which I intend to read again. Sorry for the long post but needed to come out, I only have one person in the entire world I can talk to on the same level and he is in Australia and do not get much time to chat, but he does help. Thank you for reading (if not asleep by now) and would love to hear any thoughts on what I have written.

Peace and Love