Of Runners & Chasers

[Dudla]

For a long time I believed that my TF was the runner and I was the chaser. This because I always seemed to be the one more invested in the relationship. I believed that I was ready to give up everything and be with him if he became available. In the meantime, I dealt with my own insecurities and jealousies, went through my share of ups and downs as we continued our parallel lives of being bound together while remaining committed to our families.

Only very recently, my perspective shifted and I was shocked at what I realised - it's me who has been the runner all along! Whenever, I felt that he was getting closer to his family, I was the one ready to run from the relationship and he would be the one to chase, make up and make me see sense. I would try and cut off communication and he would show up and try to talk to me. His physical presence always broke my reservations and I would melt into him. Again whenever his wife has reacted, making things very uncomfortable for him on the homefront, I have reacted by saying that maybe we should not meet anymore and that appears to be the only option available. He has always stood his ground and said that any other option but that is acceptable to him and despite the turmoil at home, he has withstood the relationship.

The moment I realized that I am the runner, I also saw the lesson I have to learn. Whenever, I have faced problems, my instinct has been to run away and distance myself from the issue. I now know that the lesson I need to learn is to stand my ground and remain committed to any issue upto its culmination, no matter what.

[FairyCrystal]

An important lesson to learn. But not running away from things doesn't mean you stay committed to any issue up to its culmination, no matter what. It also means being able to say "No". That is taking responsibility. Running is not daring to do that. So not daring to commit, and not daring to draw a line and quit when you want and should.
The latter is likely the cause of having difficult with the first.
If you subconsciously force yourself to stay with something once you've committed, you make it impossible for yourself to end something. Then YOU go over your own boundaries because you daren't speak up and say "I'm done. It doesn't work anymore for me."
If you've done that often enough you develop fear of committing -and thus run from it- cos you fear being stuck in/with something that doesn't work, again!
There's much more behind running than just having difficulty to commit. You don't just have difficulty to commit, there's something behind it.

To be honest, I'd say learn the lesson, then move on. There's no point in committing to an unavailable man. That's only leading to heartache and pain. It's co-dependency, not love and will keep the doors shut to a complete, healthy love relationship with an available man.

[Dudla]

Thanks for your caring and concern FairyCrystal

Fact is that neither of us are really available. We have recognized that we are Twinflames (or if we do not want to use labels - something very special that transcends time and space and lifetimes) but we have karma to fulfill and are both in karmic relationships. We do hope and pray that in this lifetime we will be blessed with complete and true union but if not "que sera sera what will be will be"