I'm worried about my mother

[figaromelting]

Hi there,

I wanted to share briefly about her life situation as I am very worried about her. I understand that it is part of her path and that it is up to her what she chooses but it doesn't change that I care.

She has a drinking problem, she drinks vodka for up to 8+ hours at a time (mixed with diet coke) and chain smokes whilst staring at her Facebook screen. It is usually every other day although she is doing it right now and she did it last night to. The day in-between she is in an extremely negative mood and emanates negative energy around the whole house (I'm very empathic so it affects me). She is overly sensitive on these days to the point that she shouts and gets offended at everything you say. She usually shuts herself away in her bedroom on this day or in front of the TV or she buys things to block it out. She can even do the opposite and act overly happy and get annoyed if you don't laugh at her jokes with her. She also eats a lot of unhealthy processed foods which doesn't help the situation.

I've noticed that she has no attention span now and her breathing has become very loud and worrying. I can't talk to her because she won't listen or she shouts at me. When she drinks she suddenly becomes the 'confident' person she wishes she was when she was sober. Her family don't come and see her anymore because if they do she lures them into drinking too and they are put off. This means they don't talk to me either.

When she drinks I have to stay out of the way because she doesn't like to smoke outside and the room is just too smoky. I am 22 and living at home while I'm studying due to financial reasons. She has been doing this a long time, when I was a teenager I ran away because I couldn't handle it anymore. It's a very tough situation to be in.

I am on a personal journey of truth, love, wisdom, intuition and freedom and I know it is part of my journey to learn from her. It just scares me because I don't know how long she can get away with this. She's is such an intelligent, intuitive woman underneath this and I try to compliment her when I can even though she acts hostile towards me. She has so much potential and awareness but tries to act less than she is. It's just hard to understand. I just want her to be well and in good health so she can deal with her life situation.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, as you know she has to want to quit her bad habits for them to work. It is a sickness, don't take what she says when drunk personally. Look up Al Anon it is for family members like yourself that live with drinkers/drug abusers. It should help you cope.

[figaromelting]

Originally Posted by primrose

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, as you know she has to want to quit her bad habits for them to work. It is a sickness, don't take what she says when drunk personally. Look up Al Anon it is for family members like yourself that live with drinkers/drug abusers. It should help you cope.

Thank you, I appreciate your words. I feel the habits are so deeply ingrained that it is extremely difficult for her to stop, it's easier (in her eyes) to carry on, regardless of the consequence it seems.

All the best to you

[sea-dove]

Originally Posted by figaromelting

Her family don't come and see her anymore because if they do she lures them into drinking too and they are put off. This means they don't talk to me either.

When she drinks I have to stay out of the way because she doesn't like to smoke outside and the room is just too smoky. I am 22 and living at home while I'm studying due to financial reasons. She has been doing this a long time, when I was a teenager I ran away because I couldn't handle it anymore. It's a very tough situation to be in.

I am on a personal journey of truth, love, wisdom, intuition and freedom and I know it is part of my journey to learn from her. It just scares me because I don't know how long she can get away with this.

I personally think you see if you can go and stay with your family members, maybe they will be understanding and let you stay seeing how your mother is.

Right now I dont think there is anything you can do for her and no one should have to put up with being shouted at and having this kind of negative energy around them, this will affect your own energy even if you are in denial of this. She cant get better till she wants to get better and maybe you moving out would encourage to do more to try to get better? as staying with her.. obviously isnt helping her.

[figaromelting]

Originally Posted by sea-dove

I personally think you see if you can go and stay with your family members, maybe they will be understanding and let you stay seeing how your mother is.

Right now I dont think there is anything you can do for her and no one should have to put up with being shouted at and having this kind of negative energy around them, this will affect your own energy even if you are in denial of this. She cant get better till she wants to get better and maybe you moving out would encourage to do more to try to get better? as staying with her.. obviously isnt helping her.

Hi there, thanks for your comment I appreciate it. As mentioned I have to be here right now, it is my only option. I left before to to work in another country and the problem persisted even when I was gone, I don't think me being around changes it at all

Originally Posted by figaromelting

Hi there,

I wanted to share briefly about her life situation as I am very worried about her. I understand that it is part of her path and that it is up to her what she chooses but it doesn't change that I care.

She has a drinking problem, she drinks vodka for up to 8+ hours at a time (mixed with diet coke) and chain smokes whilst staring at her Facebook screen. It is usually every other day although she is doing it right now and she did it last night to. The day in-between she is in an extremely negative mood and emanates negative energy around the whole house (I'm very empathic so it affects me). She is overly sensitive on these days to the point that she shouts and gets offended at everything you say. She usually shuts herself away in her bedroom on this day or in front of the TV or she buys things to block it out. She can even do the opposite and act overly happy and get annoyed if you don't laugh at her jokes with her. She also eats a lot of unhealthy processed foods which doesn't help the situation.

I've noticed that she has no attention span now and her breathing has become very loud and worrying. I can't talk to her because she won't listen or she shouts at me. When she drinks she suddenly becomes the 'confident' person she wishes she was when she was sober. Her family don't come and see her anymore because if they do she lures them into drinking too and they are put off. This means they don't talk to me either.

When she drinks I have to stay out of the way because she doesn't like to smoke outside and the room is just too smoky. I am 22 and living at home while I'm studying due to financial reasons. She has been doing this a long time, when I was a teenager I ran away because I couldn't handle it anymore. It's a very tough situation to be in.

I am on a personal journey of truth, love, wisdom, intuition and freedom and I know it is part of my journey to learn from her. It just scares me because I don't know how long she can get away with this. She's is such an intelligent, intuitive woman underneath this and I try to compliment her when I can even though she acts hostile towards me. She has so much potential and awareness but tries to act less than she is. It's just hard to understand. I just want her to be well and in good health so she can deal with her life situation.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

Just PRAY you be there when your mother has her emergency , and she will! Pray for guidance on what to do at that moment. Then just let go as best you can and live life.

[figaromelting]

Originally Posted by VisionQuest

Just PRAY you be there when your mother has her emergency , and she will! Pray for guidance on what to do at that moment. Then just let go as best you can and live life.

I appreciate your honesty

I've been in similar situations... It was never alcohol for my mother, but narcotics. It got worse when my stepfather died - I was about 12 at the time, and she got angry with him as they were separated and he had lied to her, told her he quit drinking and they were ready to get back together. Then he died of liver failure because he never really quit drinking. My mom went into a downward spiral.

For most of my preteens, I cared for my younger sister as my mom really didn't. I moved away to live with my dad during high school and she was in and out of rehab with different family members taking care of my sister. I didn't realize it at the time, but I kinda abandoned my sister in the process. But it was the only way to keep me sane. At 26 now, I am much more responsible and have my head on better than my sister, although she has matured.

I'm getting off topic, my mom used drugs as an escape from dealing with the harsh reality she lived in (she was physically and sexually abused as a child, her father was an alcoholic, and her home life was very dysfunctional and chaotic) so when my step father died she lost control. I don't really know what helped ease her out of it, she ended up in and out of rehab like I said. She even moved from CT to FL to escape her old friends and temptations, but found it there as well. My sister and I followed her thinking it was a new beginning. I was fresh out of high school, my mom ended up on probation and violated it, and at 18, I was solely responsible for my 13 year old sister while my mom served a 2-month jail sentence. The only reason we got by was the death benefits money we were receiving from my step father's passing. My sister was rebelleous and out of control, it was a nightmare.

We evenutally moved back to CT and she was still into drugs, but I was an adult and escaped. My sister started following my mom's path, drinking, smoking pot, stealing, etc... She ended up coming to live with me when she turned 16.

Today, my mom has only been sober for 10 months.... She wasn't crazy out of control before that, just doing it "on occasion" every few weeks or so. But then I became pregnant... Since my mom had no job, and she really is a sweet person who is great with kids, I gave her the choice... stop it all, everything, and come live with me and take care of my new baby. Was that stupid of me? Perhaps... on my due date (my baby was born three days later), I caught my mom doing "it" while we were staying up at her friend's house so I could be close to the hospital.

I kicked myself for thinking she'd be able to stop altogether. But surprisingly, since she has moved in with me and is away from everyone, she has been good. She actually told me this morning that she feels more sober than she's ever been, even moreso than the one whole year (years ago) that she was able to be sober.

My child, her granddaughter, was her turning point. She realized how screwed up she'd been when raising us and she didn't want to miss her granddaughter growing up (and she knew, as the oldest child, and probably the most responsible and sane individual in our family, that I would not allow her a relationship if she weren't sober). Since moving in with me, she's eating healthier foods, reverted back to her spiritual side (she maintains Jesus, I am more Buddhist, but we see the duality in both) and she is able to be alone with herself, to meditate and actually relax and be at peace at times.

But, unfortunately, the drugs, and now all of the pharmaceuticals they have her on and that she's had to experiment with, has left her body and her mind a bit unstable. She has problems with her teeth, her back, arthritis, anxiety, sleeping, stomach/digestive issues, restless leg, and a number of other issues.

Her mind is a constant flood of thoughts. She talks way too fast, mumbles half the time so no one understands her, never stops talking, is very oblivious to all of this, and it's extremely difficult to live with her. She sometimes reminds me of a 14 year old girl. She is overly sensitive, doesn't think logically, does things on impulse, and when you correct her or give her constructive criticism, she just gets upset or annoyed.

I support her financially 100%. She brings in about $180 dollars a month in food stamps and that's it. I buy her everything she needs, provide her with room and place to live, and she watches my daughter while my hubby and I work.

I'm so sick of her at this point, she drives me INSANE.... but I have to remind myself that at least she is sober. Problem is, I haven't forgiven her 100%, I don't know if I ever could. She has so much love for me and sometimes I am cold towards her. I don't know how to change it.

So all in all, my only advice to you is what I know.... And all I know is that you never know what next year, or 5 years from now will bring. She has to work this out on her own. She has the power of choice, the decision can only be hers, although you can help influence her.

For my mom, it took me having a baby for her to turn her life around. I'm no where near suggesting you do the same. You are in a different point in life than I am. And you are forced to live with her, not the other way around.

How much longer do you have to live there/finish your schooling?
Do you have a job or are you actively looking for something that will help you be more self sufficient? I think perhaps she needs isolation to help her either understand her plight or hit rock bottom so she can pick herself back up.

Interventions help. When multiple people talk or even just write letters, it helps.

I don't even remember it, but apparently I once wrote a letter to my mom saying I wished she would die because at least I wouldn't have to worry if she was alive or dead when she didn't come home for weeks at a time. She still reads it as a reminder to this day.

Write a letter, meditate, and talk to her higher self in meditation. I did this with my mom and was able to tell her exactly how I felt without having to actually make my physical mom upset.

Blessings and love for you

This is a really awful situation for both of you- and kudos to you that not only do you want to help her, but you understand that there is some learning here for you too. http://www.alternatetherapy.info/ this site is very intellectual, but there is a lot of wisdom there which helps one to understand. Your mum seems to feel pretty worthless, and there is very little you can do to alleviate that- only she can decide that she is more important than the addiction. She needs a purpose to bring her out of this feeing of uselessness.

[figaromelting]

Originally Posted by SunshineShadow

I've been in similar situations... It was never alcohol for my mother, but narcotics. It got worse when my stepfather died - I was about 12 at the time, and she got angry with him as they were separated and he had lied to her, told her he quit drinking and they were ready to get back together. Then he died of liver failure because he never really quit drinking. My mom went into a downward spiral.

For most of my preteens, I cared for my younger sister as my mom really didn't. I moved away to live with my dad during high school and she was in and out of rehab with different family members taking care of my sister. I didn't realize it at the time, but I kinda abandoned my sister in the process. But it was the only way to keep me sane. At 26 now, I am much more responsible and have my head on better than my sister, although she has matured.

I'm getting off topic, my mom used drugs as an escape from dealing with the harsh reality she lived in (she was physically and sexually abused as a child, her father was an alcoholic, and her home life was very dysfunctional and chaotic) so when my step father died she lost control. I don't really know what helped ease her out of it, she ended up in and out of rehab like I said. She even moved from CT to FL to escape her old friends and temptations, but found it there as well. My sister and I followed her thinking it was a new beginning. I was fresh out of high school, my mom ended up on probation and violated it, and at 18, I was solely responsible for my 13 year old sister while my mom served a 2-month jail sentence. The only reason we got by was the death benefits money we were receiving from my step father's passing. My sister was rebelleous and out of control, it was a nightmare.

We evenutally moved back to CT and she was still into drugs, but I was an adult and escaped. My sister started following my mom's path, drinking, smoking pot, stealing, etc... She ended up coming to live with me when she turned 16.

Today, my mom has only been sober for 10 months.... She wasn't crazy out of control before that, just doing it "on occasion" every few weeks or so. But then I became pregnant... Since my mom had no job, and she really is a sweet person who is great with kids, I gave her the choice... stop it all, everything, and come live with me and take care of my new baby. Was that stupid of me? Perhaps... on my due date (my baby was born three days later), I caught my mom doing "it" while we were staying up at her friend's house so I could be close to the hospital.

I kicked myself for thinking she'd be able to stop altogether. But surprisingly, since she has moved in with me and is away from everyone, she has been good. She actually told me this morning that she feels more sober than she's ever been, even moreso than the one whole year (years ago) that she was able to be sober.

My child, her granddaughter, was her turning point. She realized how screwed up she'd been when raising us and she didn't want to miss her granddaughter growing up (and she knew, as the oldest child, and probably the most responsible and sane individual in our family, that I would not allow her a relationship if she weren't sober). Since moving in with me, she's eating healthier foods, reverted back to her spiritual side (she maintains Jesus, I am more Buddhist, but we see the duality in both) and she is able to be alone with herself, to meditate and actually relax and be at peace at times.

But, unfortunately, the drugs, and now all of the pharmaceuticals they have her on and that she's had to experiment with, has left her body and her mind a bit unstable. She has problems with her teeth, her back, arthritis, anxiety, sleeping, stomach/digestive issues, restless leg, and a number of other issues.

Her mind is a constant flood of thoughts. She talks way too fast, mumbles half the time so no one understands her, never stops talking, is very oblivious to all of this, and it's extremely difficult to live with her. She sometimes reminds me of a 14 year old girl. She is overly sensitive, doesn't think logically, does things on impulse, and when you correct her or give her constructive criticism, she just gets upset or annoyed.

I support her financially 100%. She brings in about $180 dollars a month in food stamps and that's it. I buy her everything she needs, provide her with room and place to live, and she watches my daughter while my hubby and I work.

I'm so sick of her at this point, she drives me INSANE.... but I have to remind myself that at least she is sober. Problem is, I haven't forgiven her 100%, I don't know if I ever could. She has so much love for me and sometimes I am cold towards her. I don't know how to change it.

So all in all, my only advice to you is what I know.... And all I know is that you never know what next year, or 5 years from now will bring. She has to work this out on her own. She has the power of choice, the decision can only be hers, although you can help influence her.

For my mom, it took me having a baby for her to turn her life around. I'm no where near suggesting you do the same. You are in a different point in life than I am. And you are forced to live with her, not the other way around.

How much longer do you have to live there/finish your schooling?
Do you have a job or are you actively looking for something that will help you be more self sufficient? I think perhaps she needs isolation to help her either understand her plight or hit rock bottom so she can pick herself back up.

Interventions help. When multiple people talk or even just write letters, it helps.

I don't even remember it, but apparently I once wrote a letter to my mom saying I wished she would die because at least I wouldn't have to worry if she was alive or dead when she didn't come home for weeks at a time. She still reads it as a reminder to this day.

Write a letter, meditate, and talk to her higher self in meditation. I did this with my mom and was able to tell her exactly how I felt without having to actually make my physical mom upset.

Blessings and love for you

Hi there, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It takes a lot of strength to tackle through everything you have with such integrity. I can really relate to many things you have said especially the part showing about your mums mind being unstable because of her choices. My mum reminds me of a 14 year old too, I feel the roles have now reversed. At the moment it could be another three years until I finish, only because I want to save money rather than spend money I don't have on a place to live just for the sake of it. I'm trying to prepare for my future in the wisest way I can which I understand is about sacrifice.

I've found what helps me get through it is channelling my energies into things I love, that is why I've started painting, writing and cooking. I know I have to live my life by example and take whatever lessons I can from it. I can turn a negative situation into a positive. I don't know what will happen in the future and I understand now that I have to leave her to do what she has to do.

Good luck to you and keep sharing your inspiration with the world