Leveling Up

[ForeverRestless]

What about... when you finally reach that point in your journey when you have been through so much with your Twin and you've endured so much back and forth and pain and joy and everything in between. And you're finally just like, "I give up?" What I mean to say is, I'm at this point where I don't even care what he thinks about me anymore. Of course I still love my Twin, but I have an amazing romantic partner in my life who I'm building a life with, who chooses to be with me every day, who gives me the things my Twin was not capable of or willing to give me. I would be an idiot to give that up and, over the past couple of months, I've been slowly reorganizing my life to integrate more with that of my partner. I'm moving in the direction of him and away from my Twin Flame, and I'm taking steps that actually put more obstacles between me and my Twin. And for the first time, I just accept it. There are a lot of things I know. Like, I know that I impacted my Twin the way he impacted me and I know, based on the things he's said, that he still loves me... but in what way? Love doesn't have to be romantic and it doesn't have to be about possession. And even if Twin does love me, that means nothing about what he's ready for or capable of or willing to do. It says nothing about the evolution of his ego or the walls he puts up to intimacy or the ways he hides behind his sarcasm and nihilism. Love is not enough. But I know that I deserve to have someone in my life who cares about me and makes sacrifices for me, and now I do. And it's not my Twin. And while I'm hopeful for my Twin's personal journey, I still say that it may take 20 years for him to get anywhere near the place where we COULD be together, if we wanted to even try that. So now here I am. In this new place where I'm so over it that I've stopped fearing what my Twin thinks of me, stopped architecting scenarios where he'll "never be able to see me cry," stopped trying to hide from him or worry about him rejecting me or choosing someone else over me. I'm making decisions for my own life. I'm choosing to be with my partner, and whether my Twin thinks I'm a crazy person (he doesn't... yet) or thinks I'm overreacting or prefers to be with another woman instead of me or whatever... I am so far beyond cycling through those emotions that I'm at a point where I don't really give a hoot how he sees me or even if he blocks me on social media or WHATEVER.

Which brings me to why I'm writing today. It's about writing. There's a selfish part of me that wants to make the decision his and not mine. For years I was hiding. Hiding from having to face my feelings for Twin. Hiding from Twin's rejection. Hiding from the pain I felt by knowing Twin chose to be with another woman. Basically it's a Schroedenger's Cat situation... if I never tell Twin my feelings, then there's always two possibilities: he could love me, or he could reject me. Not speaking up was all in the fear. I didn't want to know either way. Because it was just as likely for him to reject me, I refrained from telling him my story. I didn't want that 50% possibility of being rejected, so I avoided it, in fear. Now I'm not afraid. So here's the part I recognize as selfish: This is all about me. This is all about me being able to move forward in a relationship with a clear head. If I give Twin all the information about what I was feeling and how much I missed him and how much I loved him and how long I waited... he won't be in the dark about everything. He'll know that the reason we weren't together was because of his inaction, and if he feels totally cool with me being with another man and does not regret it, it's OK. And if he does regret it, at least it won't be my fault, but his. He'll literally have all the information. And I won't be held back by the thought that, "If Twin just had the whole story, he'd be with me right now." Instead, I'll know that Twin has all the info, and even so, we're not together. In this strange way, it will help me move forward in my actual relationship because I'll know, even having all the information, Twin STILL chose this life he's made with another woman. I'll be able to dive in more fully into my new partnership knowing that me and my boyfriend chose each other, while Twin chose to close the door. I mean, in essence, I've already decided to close the door. But that selfishness I speak of... it's wanting him to know it was his fault (if he does regret what happened). I mean I can write around that and put everything more delicately, but the reality is I waited for almost two years for Twin to come back to me, and he didn't, so I got into a new relationship. I want Twin to know why I did what I did. And that I'm making decisions for my life that are about me. And I no longer feel embarrassed if he knows I couldn't get out of bed for three months in 2015 because of how much I missed him. I don't care what he thinks of me anymore because I'm not losing anything I have not already lost (romance, friendship, whatever). He's on the other side of the planet and he's giving me nothing, so what's the difference. At least he'll still be giving me nothing but all the information will be out on the table, right? And my heart won't remain tethered to Twin thinking, "if he just knew how much I loved him, if he just knew the whole story, then we would have made it as lovers." I won't be held back by that constant lingering possibility any longer. And i'm ready to be free of him. And fully with my partner, knowing 100% that Twin decided against being with me, and that my life is on the right track... without him.

How twisted is this line of thinking? How weird is it that I now no longer care if he sees me as weak/broken/desperate for having loved him as much as I did and been in as much pain as I was. How weird is it that I'm at the point of not caring if he says, "you're crazy. don't ever talk to me again," and blocks me? I know I won't be asking anything of Twin at all, because I've already chosen my life with my partner. I'll just be telling Twin all the information he didn't have in the past.

Does this make me a horrible person, or just a person who wants to be fully unburdened, free of her secrets, radically honest, with her heart free from the prison of potential and possibilities? I don't want to keep wondering what COULD have happened IF ONLY. I want to know that my life is happening exactly this way because I choose this life. And before you say, then just LIVE the life you're living and forget about him... it's not that easy with a Twin. Because I've tried that about 67 times over the past three years and the feelings always cycle back. The unknown, the unfulfilled potential, the things that could have been hold me back from moving forward. At this point I'd rather him just say, "I never loved you," and then I'll just know. It can be finalized. It can be confirmed. And I can be free. And I'll know that I was moving in the right direction all along (which was away from Twin, rather than my heart and my energy always reaching toward him).

I realize that on the slim chance that he does love me and still miss me, he'll feel a huge sense of loss, but is that really so wrong, considering how much excruciating pain I've been through over the past three years? In such case, isn't it about time he felt a fraction of what I did? As usual, the energy of this connection is making me feel a bit jerked around. I know that the simple, 3D answer is just, "forget him and move on with your life, girl." But trust me, that isn't possible here. All the cards need to be laid on the table. This cycle needs to feel complete, because I am sick and tired of living life in a limbo of what COULD be.

[FairyCrystal]

So you want to make sure that before you move on with another, your TF doesn't come to the miraculous realization that he still wants you? That is still making your life dependent on him, it is still giving your power away. Letting him decide what happens to you and your happiness.
You say you're done with it, but this means you are not. You keep yourself in a limbo, no one else is doing that to you. Why would you set yourself up for another round of pain and rejection to find out that it's over with your TF? You say you are fed up with it, yet you are soliciting for more pain. If the man had wanted you back, he would've by now.
Also, if he is your TF, you are energetically connected, so he'd already know and feel how much pain you've been in and that you're about to move on.
Maybe you can do a meditation in this. Cassady Cayne has some free meditations and you can use the TF Connection Tool for this to communicate with his Higher Self.
I can understand the dilemma you find yourself in. In a sense this is like closing the final door and that is hard. But I think you should do this on your own. Do that free meditation, trust that he already knows what he needs to know if you are TFs because of the connection.
Then make your own decision about whether or not you want to embrace love & happiness in life or not.
I'm also wondering if your partner knows about this? If he's open to this sort of thing (soul connections) maybe you could talk to him about it. He's your partner, he'll support you. And as it is, HE is the right person to turn to for support.
And again, I completely understand your dilemma. As a matter of fact I've been thinking about this scenario myself in the future, how that would be for me. But I do believe it's a choice of either remaining stuck in that self-imposed limbo for the rest of your life OR choosing for you and your happiness.
But I do feel very strongly you should make this decision, not your TF. You'll feel far more empowered to know you had the strength to choose and create your own happiness in life and didn't leave that up to another person. Don't give your power away.
If it helps, do that free meditation and tell his HS during that you are moving on and letting him go. Then embrace your new-found happiness and love in life.

[KaH29]

It took me a long time to come to the realization that my twin flame is no more important that other soul contracts / soul mates that I am meant to interact with for my souls highest development. Discovering this has been my leveling up. My balance. I too am seperated by an ocean from my twin flame. But you know what? Maybe this is exactly what we BOTH wanted to experience. Maybe we were dancing around in Astral bliss heaven when other souls approached us and were like HEY- You guys are awesome!! How bout we have another go on Earth school together and you both can teach us about divine love. It'll just take a minute of Gods time and you'll be back together before you know it. Who knows? My twin is about to get married to another soul mate and I couldnt be happier for her. I know she loves me and I love her and you know what? I even love her soul mate because I remember. Be love and have fun. ALLLL IS WELLL

[FairyCrystal]

Maybe this helps you, about the difference between letting go and giving up, how to do it etc. etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOoQ-YUaUzg&t=17s