Do you sometimes feel like this?

[Delay_Reaction]

You desperate want to reach out to this person yet also want to keep them far away from you as possible for sanity's sake?

You share insane chemistry with him/her that you can literally cut it with a knife.

You experience intense eye contact that when you stare directly into this person's eyes, nothing else exists in that moment.

At the same time, you experience periods when the same person has trouble looking at you and the only thing you feel is THEIR pain and confusion.

Whether they are single, taken, engaged, married, divorced, widowed, you have never been able to get into a stable relationship with this person, There's never been a "right time". Only excuses. Meanwhile, they have been able to get into other relationships while freely coming back in and out of your life as they please.

Whether you've been intimate with this person or not, the longing is always still there. Maybe you can go days, weeks or months without thinking about them, but then suddenly, BAM! They are right back into your thoughts.

You wish that they are happy and fulfilled yet also feel either hurt or angry that they continue to look for intimacy elsewhere instead of with you.

You have no idea how to classify this connection. You just know that it exists and it's super-energized yet also super-polarized.


Anyone???

Yes, in case anyone is wondering, I got triggered recently and it sucks.

[happyhaunts03]

Yep. Story of my life. I don't think you ever really "move on" from something like this. It's just always there, festering. Most of the time, I try to enjoy the experience. But, sometimes it's just too much.

[Seenthelight]

Yes, every single thing you just said.

[Ldlf16]

Yes and I owe myself about 2,098 apologies for putting up with it and getting drawn back in, despite all the warning sirens.
I keep thinking we just have to exist like this and find it ok.
But the extremes are too self-destructive.
I thought tiw as inescapable but i think (hope) the hate I feel will eclipse the love for good. Then it can just die.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

You desperate want to reach out to this person yet also want to keep them far away from you as possible for sanity's sake?

You share insane chemistry with him/her that you can literally cut it with a knife.

You experience intense eye contact that when you stare directly into this person's eyes, nothing else exists in that moment.

At the same time, you experience periods when the same person has trouble looking at you and the only thing you feel is THEIR pain and confusion.

Whether they are single, taken, engaged, married, divorced, widowed, you have never been able to get into a stable relationship with this person, There's never been a "right time". Only excuses. Meanwhile, they have been able to get into other relationships while freely coming back in and out of your life as they please.

Whether you've been intimate with this person or not, the longing is always still there. Maybe you can go days, weeks or months without thinking about them, but then suddenly, BAM! They are right back into your thoughts.

You wish that they are happy and fulfilled yet also feel either hurt or angry that they continue to look for intimacy elsewhere instead of with you.

You have no idea how to classify this connection. You just know that it exists and it's super-energized yet also super-polarized.


Anyone???

Yes, in case anyone is wondering, I got triggered recently and it sucks.

Yes - all of the above. Especially the part in bold.

Frankly, no. I have my emotions under control.
Perhaps there were times when I was a teen but not now.
Maybe I'm just the ice maiden around here.

☼

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Frankly, no. I have my emotions under control.
Perhaps there were times when I was a teen but not now.
Maybe I'm just the ice maiden around here.

☼

Well, good for you. I never got the chance as a teen, to be frank. Or in my 20s or 30s. And now I am in my 40s I am enjoying learning all about y feelings and fully acknowledging that actually, I can be an ice maiden - but in my case I have cut myself off from feeling some things due to how deep they have cut (e.g. losing 4 people in 4 years, and they were just the ones who died).

I think, for me, this soul connection came into my life to teach me to feel, to know what it is to feel - the crux of it is, for me to ACTUALLY FEEL, and that is the bit I avoid for whatever reason - it hurts, I don't have time - or more correctly, space etc etc.

We are all here on these forums for different reasons - I would say for the majority of people exploring this idea of twin flames or soul connection or whatever, the chance to feel (and be okay with the idea that sometimes we cannot control our emotions) is precisely why we visit the forums in the first place. I'm not even entirely sure one can control emotions all the time anyway, emotions aren't meant to be controlled... understood, managed, felt, yes. Controlled - not sure about that one. It is in the controlling (for me - suppressing) that the problems start.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

I think, for me, this soul connection came into my life to teach me to feel, to know what it is to feel - the crux of it is, for me to ACTUALLY FEEL, and that is the bit I avoid for whatever reason - it hurts, I don't have time - or more correctly, space etc etc.

I can very much relate to this, I think that's what this connection has primarily been about for me, too (and probably my 'twin' as well, we both suffered with emotional repression as the result of traumatic upbringings) - I was an acutely sensitive, highly-strung child, but I learnt in time to repress my feelings because I deemed them to be shameful. It's been an extremely difficult and painful journey, but an absolutely necessary one all the same; a life of emotional repression is scarcely a life at all, in my opinion.

I'm not even entirely sure one can control emotions all the time anyway, emotions aren't meant to be controlled... understood, managed, felt, yes. Controlled - not sure about that one. It is in the controlling (for me - suppressing) that the problems start.

Again, I'd agree (with the caveat that I'm not entirely clear on the distinction between managing emotions and controlling them - could you elaborate?). It's certainly possible to control your reactions, and also very necessary because reactive behaviour only tends to create more pain in the long run (this is something I've learnt the hard way, as is so often the case), but as far as emotions go I think it's far healthier to allow them to flow freely. Emotions are ultimately only energy, after all, so to attempt to control them is to hinder the flow of energy; that can be far easier said than done, because the majority of us learn to repress our emotions from a young age, and it is, of course, also important to act responsibly, but it's definitely worth it in the long-run, I think.

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

I'm not even entirely sure one can control emotions all the time anyway, emotions aren't meant to be controlled... understood, managed, felt, yes. Controlled - not sure about that one. It is in the controlling (for me - suppressing) that the problems start.

True but I couldn't see myself being obsessive over someone who's simply lost interest in me or is a non-starter, someone I feel strongly attracted to but know is unlikely to work out; or someone who messes me around. There is a fine distinction between control (by way of rationalising why and how) and suppression which never used to work for me because they'd always be lurking there. Only a few years ago I'd have classed myself an ultra-romantic, ready to fall for anything that melded but now... LOL, perhaps I've burned emotions out, parted too many times... observed others sacrificing an honest emotional appraisal for pain and anguish too much.

If I get dumped my first thoughts are "I'm free!" There are plenty of fish in the sea. What's interesting is my current b/f is emotionally level-headed. We seem to fit. Perhaps we're semi twin flames on the anodyne level!

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

True but I couldn't see myself being obsessive over someone who's simply lost interest in me or is a non-starter, someone I feel strongly attracted to but know is unlikely to work out; or someone who messes me around. There is a fine distinction between control (by way of rationalising why and how) and suppression which never used to work for me because they'd always be lurking there. Only a few years ago I'd have classed myself an ultra-romantic, ready to fall for anything that melded but now... LOL, perhaps I've burned emotions out, parted too many times... observed others sacrificing an honest emotional appraisal for pain and anguish too much.

If I get dumped my first thoughts are "I'm free!" There are plenty of fish in the sea. What's interesting is my current b/f is emotionally level-headed. We seem to fit. Perhaps we're semi twin flames on the anodyne level!

In that sort of context, rationalisation often is suppression, ie an emotional avoidance strategy. The problem is that it becomes such an ingrained pattern of behaviour - particularly in people who've experienced a lot of trauma in their formative years - that it isn't recognised as such, and usually only becomes apparent when their suffering becomes sufficiently acute.

EDIT: Actually, no, that's not quite right. It's important to recognise when your feelings aren't being reciprocated, yes, and to recognise if/when you've developed an unhealthy obsession. At the same time, it's also important to be conscious of what you're feeling - eg rejection, upset - and to open to those feelings; what often happens, though, is that we either try to distract ourselves from those feelings, or we'll try to rationalise them away, tell ourselves we shouldn't be feeling them or else deny them altogether, and these aren't ultimately healthy strategies because, as I say, we're simply blocking the flow of energy.