Six months of no contact. It's hurting again...

[lunapixie]

Hello all,

Last November I promised myself that I would not contact my ex no matter what crazy signs, dreams, or synchs came my way. In the past I used to interpret the crazy signs as meaning that I should reach out to him. I've experienced the same types of earth-shattering synchs since I went NC but this time not once did I contact him or even look at his social media. So basically I have no idea what's going on in his life for the last six months.

But a couple of weeks ago I started to feel the now-familiar feelings of painful longing and restlessness again, exactly as I've always felt during all our separations over the course of the last five years.

The last thing I know is he was back together with his still-married girlfriend. Basically, he compromised everything for her including his precious "image." I had a few months of peace and quiet but, as usual, the pull is back. Why?

Plus... every day is a struggle to keep myself from looking at their social media. Every time I looked at their stuff it always ended up hurting me and destroying all my progress so I refuse to put myself through that again no matter how I feel or how much I may be "guided" to. No way! There's no need for me to know anything about their lives. That's their business and it has nothing to do with me. But it's hurting so much right now... I can't stop crying and I don't even know why I'm crying since the very last thing I want is to ever see him again.

Why do I feel this constant need to look at his social media? I've done everything I can to stop myself from doing it. Work, listening to music, shopping, going out, etc..But this thing is relentless and I don't know how to stop it...

I used to think that it was over, that I had overcome it and that both he and I were finally free from this phenomenon. He seemed to be fine living his normal 3D life. So it appears that it's just me now, riding this wave by myself...

I would really appreciate any kind words you could offer me right now if anyone feels like replying. Thank you :)

[alcyone]

Originally Posted by lunapixie

Hello all,

Last November I promised myself that I would not contact my ex no matter what crazy signs, dreams, or synchs came my way. In the past I used to interpret the crazy signs as meaning that I should reach out to him. I've experienced the same types of earth-shattering synchs since I went NC but this time not once did I contact him or even look at his social media. So basically I have no idea what's going on in his life for the last six months.

But a couple of weeks ago I started to feel the now-familiar feelings of painful longing and restlessness again, exactly as I've always felt during all our separations over the course of the last five years.

The last thing I know is he was back together with his still-married girlfriend. Basically, he compromised everything for her including his precious "image." I had a few months of peace and quiet but, as usual, the pull is back. Why?

Plus... every day is a struggle to keep myself from looking at their social media. Every time I looked at their stuff it always ended up hurting me and destroying all my progress so I refuse to put myself through that again no matter how I feel or how much I may be "guided" to. No way! There's no need for me to know anything about their lives. That's their business and it has nothing to do with me. But it's hurting so much right now... I can't stop crying and I don't even know why I'm crying since the very last thing I want is to ever see him again.

Why do I feel this constant need to look at his social media? I've done everything I can to stop myself from doing it. Work, listening to music, shopping, going out, etc..But this thing is relentless and I don't know how to stop it...

I used to think that it was over, that I had overcome it and that both he and I were finally free from this phenomenon. He seemed to be fine living his normal 3D life. So it appears that it's just me now, riding this wave by myself...

I would really appreciate any kind words you could offer me right now if anyone feels like replying. Thank you :)

I think you look at his social media because it brings comfort to you. When you can see him, it feels familiar inside you... creates good feelings sort of. You're not riding the wave by yourself hun. I remember many years ago how it hurt so bad to think about how I lost "the love of my life" but it gets easier in time. There's no stopping it, the only thing to do is to ride it out and it will heal in time. You can focus on what will make you happy, and healthy stuff and that might give you a little boost (: at least it does for me, when I follow through. I met my twin flame / catalyst / sc when I was 13. I always thought life would be easy and nice back then but man she really flipped my world around.. I never imagined all this would happen. It makes you feel crazy at times.

I hope you feel better sooner rather than later take care.

[lunapixie]

Thank you so much for your reply!

I can't look at his social media, though. That's just the thing. I want to but last year when he unblocked me after four years and I finally had the chance to look it made me physically sick. I don't even recognize him as the person I once knew anymore. Plus seeing photographs of him and his girlfriend traveling and doing amazing things together hurt me so much that I unfollowed him at the time even though they weren't together then. He kept all their pictures up, unlinke most people who say they hate their exes.

There is no sign of me on his social media. It's like I never even existed.

I can't stop crying...

[Liz614]

Originally Posted by lunapixie

Thank you so much for your reply!

I can't look at his social media, though. That's just the thing. I want to but last year when he unblocked me after four years and I finally had the chance to look it made me physically sick. I don't even recognize him as the person I once knew anymore. Plus seeing photographs of him and his girlfriend traveling and doing amazing things together hurt me so much that I unfollowed him at the time even though they weren't together then. He kept all their pictures up, unlinke most people who say they hate their exes.

There is no sign of me on his social media. It's like I never even existed.

I can't stop crying...

I really have been where your so I understand your pain. If it's any consolation, once I let go of each of the two men that caused me tremendous pain, I then met kind, loving men who helped me heal and loved me unconditionally. I know you can't imagine it now but rest assured, if you let go of him then you open yourself up to someone who is right for you. Don't look at his photos, work on your spirit and keeping your thoughts in the preseht not the past or the future. Pretty amazing things start to happen when you do that. This pain you are feeling will be a distant memory trust me.

[Goddessa]

Hi lunapixie. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can only imagine that kind of pain. If I imagine myself looking at pictures of my tf looking happy with someone else......just imagining it hurts like crazy. I think its a good thing that you decided to stop looking at his social media, but we all know that this kind of connection doesn't need phones or internet connection.

I know how that painful longing can just creep up on you when you think you are making progress, so you are not alone.

Sending you lots and lots love
Xxx

Obsession mainly. He really isn't interested, has his own situation
sorted out for the time being, so you may as well move on.

He isn't the only fish in the sea. Go out on some casual friendly dataes. Look for
things about him you didn't like and ponder on those a little. I mean, is
any unattainable bloke worth frittering your life trying to pursue?

Just my views but your happiness and enjoyment of life should be where you're at.
You've a chance to learn a big spiritual lesson here: you're in charge of you.

♥

[Goddessa]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Obsession mainly. He really isn't interested, has his own situation
sorted out for the time being, so you may as well move on.

He isn't the only fish in the sea. Go out on some casual friendly dataes. Look for
things about him you didn't like and ponder on those a little. I mean, is
any unattainable bloke worth frittering your life trying to pursue?

Just my views but your happiness and enjoyment of life should be where you're at.
You've a chance to learn a big spiritual lesson here: you're in charge of you.

♥

Lunapixie, the above poster has never had a twin flame experience (according to her), so keep that in mind :)

I don't think you're obsessed at all.

[LoveYourself]

Originally Posted by Goddessa

Lunapixie, the above poster has never had a twin flame experience (according to her), so keep that in mind :)

I don't think you're obsessed at all.

I agree Godessa :)

I'm going through what you're going through at the moment. His energy is so strong around me at the moment, it's like he's here with me!
As for his FB, I would say keep off it. It will only hurt you :( I had a very strong urge to go and look at his wall the other day and I wish I hadn't :( there were loads of photos of him and her together and it hurt like hell!!
It's only been a week for me and I was just starting to get to a good place :) I was focussing less on them together and more on myself.
Like you I had this overwhelming urge to go and look at his FB wall. The urge was just too strong to resist! Now I feel that I've taken a step backwards and I have to build myself up again!
You're doing incredibly well, keep up the good work and don't let this incident make you back slide :)

[missxchief]

sounds like you're purging. really FEEL the emotions coming up right now, examine them, go into the pain, figure out the root cause. cry and wallow as much as you want but...and heres the important bit- set a time limit on it. I know its not easy but ultimately its for your own good and will help you grow.

and delete your facebook. or at least deactivate until you feel more grounded. I did. best decision ever.

[missxchief]

sorry double post ignore this