Feeling a tad numb

[Liz614]

I came across this today and thought of this thread:


"Does it serve you?In coaching, we choose the more empowering perspective or way of thinking rather than the disempowering ones. The bottom line is, whatever you are in, love or infatuation, know that as long as it gives you more energy, you are laughing and joyous most of the time, then it is serving you. If you find yourself sad, desperately waiting, needing and lonely, then whatever you define it as, it is unhealthy and does not serve you in a positive way. What’s more, the time you are wasting in it is time that could be better spent on yourself and attracting someone into your life that makes you feel fabulous.Men and women are more productive when they are in healthy relationships, or happily single. It is the halfway business that makes us obsessive and dysfunctional. So be aware of the feelings and your self talk around your current relationship. Are you screaming out that it is pure unadulterated love or are you busy wondering what it is? Whatever you decide to define it as, the only important decision you can make is to decide if this relationship makes you feel better about yourself or worse. Obsession is unhealthy attraction caused by the addiction to a “high” or a feeling even when short encounters with the person only leave you hurting even more and pining for the next meeting or contact and miserably making up excuses and justifications for their bad behaviour. Often people justify being trampled on like a doormat with illusions that what they are feeling is pure unconditional love and it saddens me that they have concocted such painful and humiliating experiences to mean love in their own heads. It is your God-given birth right to just be happy and joyful and if the relationship you are in does not support you in experiencing this joy, and if you are in any way being abused, then LOVE yourself and choose. No one deserves to be abused. We do have choice, even if choosing what you know inside is right for you may seem scary. Yes, though it may all seem a little frightening, hibernating in a cave will not serve you in anyway, and as Eckhart Tolle says: “Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room"

http://m.idiva.com/opinion-relations...fatuated/27925

[Nan948]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I so dislike this feeling of being a bit numb after we've been together. I should be ecstatic, happy as a lark, and I am. I love him, he loves me, everything is well. But I miss him. Not in a really pathetic way, I am still doing things, having fun, working on my goals, so I'm not pining really. But I still feel sort of numb. As if my heart chakra closes after we've been together. It's just not enough, not enough time together, but I think if we'd spend more time together this feeling would only get worse.
It's almost as if it's self protection to not be totally overwhelmed by longing?
I know the time after you've been together should be a time of joy, integrating of what you have shared, growing etc. until you want/can connect again and thus open up for the other. But dang, it's hard.
Like I said, I am doing things, am busy, not bawling my eyes out, have fun as well. But somehow.. I don't know. I just don't feel complete. I think that's why I partially close my heart so I don't feel the pain of being apart again.
And I know you have to be complete on your own, and I know I am. In spite of that being with your TF adds something that you can never have or create on your own, complete or not. And it's that something, and that deep sense of belonging when we're together, that I miss. And probably why I get numb so it doesn't hurt so bad. But it puts me off-kilter as it makes me feel as if it isn't there anymore. Sigh.

Sound familiar?

I agree with you Paige Ignited. It is good to miss the ones you love. "No man is an island" and we are not "Robots". It is a blessing if you are gifted with someone that you love so much that you miss them when they are not in your space. Not many people have that.

"People with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive." From your description of your relationship, I don't think this applies to your situation.

Physical closeness is most especially important in a romantic relationship. A big part of that relationship is to share daily life with, kisses, hugs, snuggles, eating together, sharing jokes, looks, energies in all its form and when your significant other is away, yes your life will feel like something is incomplete/lacking because you know what is missing.

FairyCrystal, I get it. I hope you two can be more together than you are apart. It is painful to be with someone you love when they bring such happiness only to see them come and go. And I know that there are telephones, Skype, Facebook, but it is just not the same.

As I said before no man is an island and God did not send us down here to be alone. That is why he gave us friends, families, love interests, children, and don't forget the pets and those strange people walking around that we call "strangers". :-) We all need people. Yes love yourself, have a life that is filled with enjoyment and be able to stand on your own two feet. But that doesn't mean we can't love others and miss them and feel longing for them when they are not around. And this does not make you co-dependent. It just makes you human with healthy emotions.

Your heart and your body is just telling you that you love your significant other and wish he was around more. Don't worry about those feelings and don't feel guilty about having them, maybe this is why you are numbing yourself. Just try to enjoy the time you have together to the fullest and hopefully these temporary separations will come to an end soon.

[Liz614]

The man I am with now is probably my TF. The man I wasted the past three or four years of my life believing was my TF wasn't at all. The difference is huge. The man I am now with I absolutely feel connected to and joyous at all times when we are apart. We frequently check in with each other by text or phone call, something like just "thinking of you". Very short and simple but we do this every day 2-3x a day and then he calls me every evening. I think what it is is that I have zero doubt he is the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, and he has no doubt either. That has given me such a sense of peace and has allowed me to go about my own daily life with no sense of pain other than the normal missing him, but he lives right down the street from me and I do not see him every night and we both actually are on the same page with that. We seem to have an unspoken knowing that we have our whole lives ahead of us so let's find the balance right now between taking care of ourselves, and losing sleep because we are spending intimate nights together.

In short, we are on the same page with everything and that is unbelievably comforting. I'm not saying this man isn't your TF. I'm only saying I felt like you did with the man before this one who I mistook for my TF. I felt very incomplete and the longing was very strong. I was trying to reach into this man and connect with him in a way that simply wasn't possible. I had a difficult time picturing us living together even. With this man I am now with, I feel completely at home in his home and with the thought of living with him someday. I'd say perhaps your enotioms might be your gut trying to tell you something. It's not a pleasant way to live so I hope you are able to find a way to live with those feelings or connect better with your man so that you feel more inner peace. Because that feeling of inner peace is, to me, when you know you are in a relationship where you can grow and evolve, which is the purpose of the TF rematindop.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Paige Ignited

I think and feel it's perfectly normal to have a 'missing' feeling to a slight degree, always, with this kind of connection, no matter the work that needs or not to be done. After all, we miss a mother, a father, a child, a friend at times.
So in my view there's no difference really.
The heart is designed to feel, and I believe the heart is allowed to feel, that, of which we love. No matter what.

In your case I don't think it has anything to do with co-dependency. The same as in my case. I miss my twin, but I'm not going to die or fall in a heap, now, without him. But I'm certainly not co-dependent on him in any case.
Being single and celibate now for 4 years, (by my own choice and happy with my choice to the core) hardly puts me in a co-dependent state of 'needing' him.

If you didn't miss him 'at all' in the slightest, I'd be more worried of that!

Exactly! Thank you Paige!

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Nan948

I agree with you Paige Ignited. It is good to miss the ones you love. "No man is an island" and we are not "Robots". It is a blessing if you are gifted with someone that you love so much that you miss them when they are not in your space. Not many people have that.

"People with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive." From your description of your relationship, I don't think this applies to your situation.

Physical closeness is most especially important in a romantic relationship. A big part of that relationship is to share daily life with, kisses, hugs, snuggles, eating together, sharing jokes, looks, energies in all its form and when your significant other is away, yes your life will feel like something is incomplete/lacking because you know what is missing.

FairyCrystal, I get it. I hope you two can be more together than you are apart. It is painful to be with someone you love when they bring such happiness only to see them come and go. And I know that there are telephones, Skype, Facebook, but it is just not the same.

As I said before no man is an island and God did not send us down here to be alone. That is why he gave us friends, families, love interests, children, and don't forget the pets and those strange people walking around that we call "strangers". :-) We all need people. Yes love yourself, have a life that is filled with enjoyment and be able to stand on your own two feet. But that doesn't mean we can't love others and miss them and feel longing for them when they are not around. And this does not make you co-dependent. It just makes you human with healthy emotions.

Your heart and your body is just telling you that you love your significant other and wish he was around more. Don't worry about those feelings and don't feel guilty about having them, maybe this is why you are numbing yourself. Just try to enjoy the time you have together to the fullest and hopefully these temporary separations will come to an end soon.

Thanks Nan! Very insightful posting I love it, because it is so true. Very wise words! Thank you so much!
And indeed my relationship with him is far from that description. It's the most nourishing one I've ever had.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Liz614

The man I am with now is probably my TF. The man I wasted the past three or four years of my life believing was my TF wasn't at all. The difference is huge. The man I am now with I absolutely feel connected to and joyous at all times when we are apart. We frequently check in with each other by text or phone call, something like just "thinking of you". Very short and simple but we do this every day 2-3x a day and then he calls me every evening. I think what it is is that I have zero doubt he is the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, and he has no doubt either. That has given me such a sense of peace and has allowed me to go about my own daily life with no sense of pain other than the normal missing him, but he lives right down the street from me and I do not see him every night and we both actually are on the same page with that. We seem to have an unspoken knowing that we have our whole lives ahead of us so let's find the balance right now between taking care of ourselves, and losing sleep because we are spending intimate nights together.

In short, we are on the same page with everything and that is unbelievably comforting. I'm not saying this man isn't your TF. I'm only saying I felt like you did with the man before this one who I mistook for my TF. I felt very incomplete and the longing was very strong. I was trying to reach into this man and connect with him in a way that simply wasn't possible. I had a difficult time picturing us living together even. With this man I am now with, I feel completely at home in his home and with the thought of living with him someday. I'd say perhaps your enotioms might be your gut trying to tell you something. It's not a pleasant way to live so I hope you are able to find a way to live with those feelings or connect better with your man so that you feel more inner peace. Because that feeling of inner peace is, to me, when you know you are in a relationship where you can grow and evolve, which is the purpose of the TF rematindop.

Yes, it is the most beautiful thing to have such a connection. We both are at peace, there is no rush, not in the sense I've experienced that in the past with others. But the longing to be together more is there still. Which is logical when you match like we do. Wouldn't be healthy if you didn't want to be together more often. Just like what Nan said in her posting. Spot on.
There is no trying to reach into him to connect, there's no need for that. We are connected.

[jro5139]

I get that it is natural to miss someone, but closing one's heart chakra doesn't sound healthy to me, aren't twin's supposed to open each other's heart chakra's (at all times, whether together or not?). Isn't that one of the points of this happening?

One thing I see going on here on this forum, is what is natural of course as humans, we tend to look at other's situations from the perspective of our own. It's important to consider, that although we have all come to conclude we are in a twin flame experience, we are all not working on the same issues. We don't all have the same issues to begin with or the same short comings to deal with. So often times, I see others giving advice to someone in relation to their own issues, which is natural, but may be the case or may not be the case.

I wanted to address the idea of a void, because I personally had a realization that I had a void that I was trying to fill with the people that I deemed to be soul connections. My void, wasn't that I wanted to fill it with one person or a romantic relationship, my void was I wanted a large tribe. The void came from me never having a tribe, I was not close to most of my family and changed schools to often to establish a large group of friends like most people do. So I think I tried to fill that lack with the people I deemed my soul family, but what I found was it led to mostly disappointment.
Then I finally came to understand why I never found a large tribe, and that was because I was looking for people who exist without much dis-function in their lives. Then I realized that where I live, there just aren't many people around like that, so finding a large group of them is nearly impossible.
When I observe many people around me, in their relationships, whether they be friends, lovers, partners, whatever... they are so dis-functional and God-awful that I would rather have no relationships at all, than ones that cause me more chaos and pain.
What I observe from others around me, is that most people will live their lives in dis-function and never grow or attain a higher level of being, they will stay in the same dis-functional and unhealthy relationships for their whole lives and never overcome their issues. Even with the women that I deemed my soul family, what is currently happening with some of them, is that their dis-function is ruining our relationship. Not mine, but theirs. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, I just know I'm not as dis-functional as others around me. I think, also, this might have to do with where I live. I feel there are other sections of the world, countries, where their may be a higher percentage of people that are either awake or at least more self-aware. But moving is not an option for me.
I bring up the void, FC, because when I read your other post about not feeling as close to your family, I thought void as well.
While I think it's true that "no (wo)man is an island" it is also true that there are some of us that are meant to do a majority of this on our own.

Inika, your description of tf resonates with me and my experience a lot and I find I nearly always agree with your posts.
And one more thing on that note, I think all this telling people that "that isn't your tf" isn't helpful, because whether they are technically tfs or not they came here to seek advice and help with whatever it is. And anyway, what is and is not a tf is very much open to debate as far as the specifics and who's to say who is correct or not.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Yes, it is the most beautiful thing to have such a connection. We both are at peace, there is no rush, not in the sense I've experienced that in the past with others. But the longing to be together more is there still. Which is logical when you match like we do. Wouldn't be healthy if you didn't want to be together more often. Just like what Nan said in her posting. Spot on.
There is no trying to reach into him to connect, there's no need for that. We are connected.

Hi Fairy
Can I be honest and from experience say that yeah okay you miss each other and that's not a problem. .. Missing is need however and it links to dependency regardless of how we might want to coat it.. Fine in normal relationships but tf's need to heal all pain to effectively be together.

It's just how I see it...

[Liz614]

I'm not one to tell someone who is or isn't their TF. I'm not sure entirely that they exist. What I do know is that I'm in a relationship right now that feels vastly different from anything else I've had. It is very much like what my parents had that I thought I would never find myself. Looking back on their 30 year marriage (my stepdad took care of my mother for years before her death), I know there was some codependency to some degree for sure. But there was a lot of love, respect and admiration between them. Either one of them would have fallen apart if the other had left them. Deeply wanting and even feeling like you need someone isn't necessarily a bad thing. What I have with this man, as my parents had, is the peaceful sense that we belong together and are equally crazy about each other. I am apart from him quite a bit and my emotional state is good, bouyant even. I didn't even have that sense during my ten year marriage. I see now that I actually wasn't connected with any of my three prior bfs/husband.

What brought me together with these other men was fun, attraction, adventure. From the moment I met my boyfriend I felt this was something so different. I knew he was in pain as was I. I told him I wasn't ready for anything, but he showed up the next week at the pub trivia and said he wanted to take care of me. The thing is, we do need each other. I do want to be around him more than I am, I understand that feeling. But I listen to my gut and i think I read him too and I give us both space. My husband and I moved in together after three days. We were almost never apart in ten years. I was pretty attached to him and didn't want him to go places without me. With this guy I don't mind when he sees other people in his life and I'm not part of it, I am now so completely okay with being alone that I actually need to be alone. I feel like that's when I work on my spirit. His love for me fuels that. I was only suggesting that something seems amiss if you are feeling incomplete when apart from him. Im 43 and been through a lot and all I can really do is share my perspective without claiming that it's in any way the truth for you or anyone else, it's simply my truth. I only know that in my case, I felt incomplete with the other men because I felt bad about myself, which ultimately helped destroy us.

I could say I wish I'd gotten professional help but I don't think it would have made us a better fit. In my case I had to get destroyed by my previous relationships, as did my boyfriend, to be able to be where we are at with each other, which is completely grateful. Knowing we aren't going anywhere. Knowing we earned this. We both went through hell with our exes, flat out abuse. His ex even used to punch him, tried to take his son, completely emasculated him for three years, mine just abandoned me over and over for three years, ignored my suffering, and then finally told me go die in a fire. So I guess maybe I don't feel those things with him, that longing and sense of incompletion, because I had to learn to let go as a matter of survival. In some ways I had to kill of my old self and be reborn. I think he might need me more than I need him and it doesn't scare me at all. I was meant to love him and help him heal. I was beaten too in my 20s. We are completely broken souls but we are truly helping each other heal. That's why I think it's okay to need someone. But you should feel complete and if you don't, try to find out why, that's all. I wish you the best. We can heal whether on our own or through the love of another.