Found soulmate / possible life partner but ex wife is a problem (LONG)

[ForgedInFire]

The judgment on this forum never ceases to amaze me..

gee.. isn't it obvious the poor guy is walking on eggshells to an ex wife that highly likely has a sever form of mental illness? Has no one here ever seen the kind of damage these dangerous individuals do to others? men, women and children.. none are immune from the cray cray's target sights.

anyone with a brain abnormality are nonfixable.. cray cray is for life. People pointing out that he answers all her calls.. but you dont know what shes saying to him either do ya? all it takes is a call to police and fake tears at any point she feels "right" in doing so and he goes to jail.. no questions asked!

This poor guy is very likely suffering manipulation and blackmail. So lets blame him? such lovely monkey brain egos...

instead of pointing any finger and say oh the guys behavior is "alarm bells" he should be guided to find qualified professionals on how to deal with that crazy woman..even if it means entering the legal arena. And also to begin healing himself from her abuse.

It's not wise to think he can 'handle it" himself.. he will find out that crazy doesnt go away or stop with time or space.

[Liz614]

I think you're all too right, ForgedinFire. Though it might appear to be another case of a man trying to have his cake and eat it too, it really is that he simply doesn't know how to deal with this disturbed woman. She has him by the you-know-whats, custody agreement says he gets the son every other weekend. But she is allowing him much greater access to him right now. He will see him several times a week for a few hours, and before he met me, he was over there a lot more. If he does anything to make her mad, she can cut him off from these visits. And I'm sure she will. It's really a sickening situation. I'm seeking a counselor myself because I know what I'm in for. I don't ever want him to feel he has to choose between me and his son, and if he ever does feel that way, I'm sure he would choose his son because he's a good man that way. But I know there is a really deep love between us I have never had with anyone. The kind of love that helps you heal yourself, and that makes you a better person. I have to let him try to very slowly distance himself from her in a way that isn't going to compromise his time with his son. He knows how precarious the situation is. She is continuing to control him using their son. From what I've heard about her, she is absolutely horrific. She had him followed and after he had a few beers at the pub and was heading to her house, called the police and when he pulled into her driveway, six cops ascended on him and he spent three weeks in jail. It was his second one. I'm not saying what he did was right but what she did was so wrong. So malicious. She could have warned him, do not drive here, or I'll have you arrested. But she's like a snake in the grass. She didn't care that he was driving tipsy, she cared about further destroying him.

I never thought about it until now, Forged. That he probably needs help healing. He actually said openly and in front of me to one of his friends that he still loved her, in the same platonic way I think he has for the decades he's known her. How on earth he can is beyond me but I guess it's because she is the mother of his child. She messed him a lot in sure. I give him a lot of affection and I know he really appreciates it. My friend suggested that the reason for how things were with their arrangement was just because she was the only woman in his life at all for those years. But now he has me and he's in love with me but has no idea how to make things okay with me and not lose me and not lose being able to see his son. It really sucks. I'm trying to be understanding. It's hard when I kind of just want to punch this woman in the face for what she did to him. The worst kind of crazy, malicious crazy. Thanks for your input.

[Liz614]

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be with him if he didn't choose his son, I couldn't live with that. I know every other weekend custody is hard. It just is so little time really, as they grow up so fast. I just hope this can somehow against all odds end well.

[SaturninePluto]

Originally Posted by Liz614

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be with him if he didn't choose his son, I couldn't live with that. I know every other weekend custody is hard. It just is so little time really, as they grow up so fast. I just hope this can somehow against all odds end well.

Hi.

I think it is very good the steps you are taking to further work this situation out, like seeing a counselor.

Perhaps as you begin to go into this with your counselor and speak with them, you may attain the perspective you need to further help yourself and the man you love through this.

Yes it is very hard for someone to be separated from their child or children. He must be going through a very hard time with this, not getting to see his son perhaps as much as he would really like to and enjoy.

So yes I imagine he needs to heal as well as this time, and you bring up a very good point about how long he has known this woman his ex-wife and him still feeling a platonic love and his reasons for it.

Punching her is not going to solve anything, and actually just make things even more complicated and much worse, of course I am sure you realize this.

I am still very much hoping this works out for you very well.

You seem despite the troubles to be happy with this man and individual.

Which is absolutely great.

I still stand however, that it indeed would be very nice for the two of you to enjoy time alone, and your movie time together without the phone calls.

Understand if he is aware it really bothers you, he actually should be speaking up to his ex about this.

If I were a man and a call from my ex bothered my current love or significant other I would tell the ex straight out in front of my current love that what she is doing by calling like that during those times, are bothersome, and to call in the morning or afternoon hours.

All my best to you.

[TwinFlameReunion1111]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

The judgment on this forum never ceases to amaze me..

gee.. isn't it obvious the poor guy is walking on eggshells to an ex wife that highly likely has a sever form of mental illness? Has no one here ever seen the kind of damage these dangerous individuals do to others? men, women and children.. none are immune from the cray cray's target sights.

anyone with a brain abnormality are nonfixable.. cray cray is for life. People pointing out that he answers all her calls.. but you dont know what shes saying to him either do ya? all it takes is a call to police and fake tears at any point she feels "right" in doing so and he goes to jail.. no questions asked!

This poor guy is very likely suffering manipulation and blackmail. So lets blame him? such lovely monkey brain egos...

instead of pointing any finger and say oh the guys behavior is "alarm bells" he should be guided to find qualified professionals on how to deal with that crazy woman..even if it means entering the legal arena. And also to begin healing himself from her abuse.

It's not wise to think he can 'handle it" himself.. he will find out that crazy doesnt go away or stop with time or space.

*Gasp*... Oh, no! Not judgment. How awful *we* are for the*"judgment on this forum" [sic] First let's take a look at the definition of judgment:
- An opinion or decision that is based on careful thought.
-The ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely.

Now let's look at what the OP requested in her post:
"Any advice appreciated. Sorry this is so long."

Therefore, since she asked for advice; I read her post, came to a conclusion by breaking up certain parts, and explained why I felt the way I had. I pointed out *possible* problems, yet, also clearly stated that I may be off the mark but suggested that she may be wise to keep these ideas in the back of her mind.

Now, not only is your premise flawed because your definition of judgment in the context you used it in; was erroneous, but it also shows how you made up false assumptions regarding myself passing " judgment on this forum".

Now I'm going to jump to conclusions regarding you that may or may not be true, just to be fair.

*You're are a male who loved a woman so much that the love you had for her shined bright in your eyes. She was your whole world, your life, your everything. At least you thought she was. Because what was once a beautiful loving angel; turned into a mean, backstabbing, psycho b*tech, who turned on you so quick that it made your head spin.
So that, what was, once glorious & beautiful; was now horrendous & malicious. Unfairly however, it was you who she tried to paint as the villain, the psycho, the bad guy even though it was her through & through.

You were devastated at first but knew you had to move on because you were fooled & deceived by everything you thought she represented. And eventually you did move on, but you replaced her love in your heart with anger, disappointment, & un-trust, that to this day has left you a tad bitter as a man who now tends to side with the male perspective much mor often then the female perspective.
Sound familiar? ;)
Have a fantastic weekend my friend.

[Nan948]

It is never too late to apologize. One of the greatest lessons of the twin flame journey is learning when to apologize and how to do it because the twin flame journey is filled with many mistakes by both parties not only to each other but to others as well.

I know that we are all learning and discovering and I think we should be more mindful and more compassionate with our comments, myself included.

I know that commenters are truly trying to help and not harm and that should also be taken into consideration.

When I read through this forum I realized that the majority are suffering, looking for answers and support and for a way to relieve the pain. This twin-flame journey is one that breaks you down, with the intention of building you back up, better than you were before if you let it. I understand that some day’s in this journey, patience and understanding is not even something we can connect with because the anger and pain takes over and we are easily triggered and possibly would rather hammer a nail than be calm and still. :-) I have commented on some of these posts here although I know I don’t have all the answer because I am just trying to figure things out just like the ones who are looking for answers.

I think that one of the greatest pitfall and what delays reunion between twins is that twins do not know how to communicate, open, honestly, compassionately, lovingly; no matter what the circumstances. They get caught up in their triggers and egos and get lost not only losing themselves once but twice through their twin flame as well. More than others, twin flames are required to learn open, honest high-vibrational, communication in order to reunite, thrive in their relationships and help others.

Open, heartfelt, honest, compassionate, loving, high vibrational, healing mode of communicating no matter the situation; and I think this is a big part of the lesson we need to learn before reunion can happen. This forum gives us a chance to practice this.

The twin flame triggers do not just stop because you are re-united with your twin flame. We must learn how to work through triggers and our egos and still come out loving and compassionate because this is our path and our gift to ourselves and the world. We will also need it in our twin flame relationship if we want to have a long-lasting and happy reunion that is healthy to others and the people around us. I think this forum is a wonderful place to practice and learn this lesson.

We are all in the stage of evolving, healing and learning. It is a difficult journey, so please everyone try to be patient, compassionate, and understanding with each other. It is our lesson to learn.

[Liz614]

Thank you all for the replies. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. I kept telling myself that right now, in this moment, there is no problem I am actually really suffering from. And I chose to just focus on the love I have for this man. I cannot control his ex wife or anything she chooses to do, and by starting to really despise this woman, I am actually becoming no better than her. And I don't help my boyfriend either. Every day that passes I receive further confirmation that he is the love of my life. He is teaching me about myself in such a beautiful, gentle way that no one ever has. He gets me, and he is completely kind to me and I trust he is not going to hurt me. I don't think he is my TF but maybe he is. I don't foresee conflict but he is a very advanced soul and maybe I did enough work in my last relationship to have become ready for a healthy TF union. I don't see either of doing any running or chasing. We both want each other completely. I do feel an incredible level of comfort with him, like he is home.

Speaking of home, I lost mine a few years ago and had to move in with my widowed dad. It was painful to realize that I would probably not leave his home until my kids were old enough for college (8 more years). I could never afford the rent here and the schools are too good to go somewhere else. I resigned to this reality and tried to make the best of it. Then I met him, he had lived down the street from me for 25 years. He owns a lovely home that is so devoid of warmth, love, that he has nearly built himself. And he says to me that he wants to take care of me and that we are going to be together whether or not I like it. He knows. He's known from the moment he saw me. He almost missed meeting me by a minute. This all happened weeks after I started really practicing conscious awareness I am absolutely in awe of how the universe works. I will also say that we are both very sensitive souls that can't hurt a fly and I honestly believe that our union is for the good of the world somehow. That's the point of TF relationships ultimately, correct? To ready us for that end. I thought my last boyfriend was my TF but all I did was hurt and suffer, but my love and I both believe that we had to go through our awful experiences to be able to be here together now. Whether he is or not, I hope he is the last man I will ever love.