Stress?

Any one with a definition or description of what is Stress?
eg some type of emotional conflict?

[Visitor]

One's ego or self-esteem is under threat of losing its self worth.
Example; fear of failure.

Originally Posted by Visitor

One's ego or self-esteem is under threat of losing its self worth.
Example; fear of failure.

thank you Visitor, I like the concept of ego under threat.

'fear of failure' - who set the standard of success? would that be me or some one else?..........

[Visitor]

Originally Posted by Lozenge Squeezer

thank you Visitor, I like the concept of ego under threat.

'fear of failure' - who set the standard of success? would that be me or some one else?..........

Both. In any regard it is just a fear of being able, or not, to respond (responsibility).
Fear of failure also contains fear of success. If successful, a new response-able benchmark has been reached. This may also also increase one's fear of failure.

Another word for stress is fear.

Originally Posted by Visitor

Both. In any regard it is just a fear of being able, or not, to respond (responsibility).
Fear of failure also contains fear of success. If successful, a new response-able benchmark has been reached. This may also also increase one's fear of failure.

Another word for stress is fear.

True, though the definition I use involves a conflict ie caught in fear & anger / sadness?

Simply put stress is a conflict between what I would love to do & what I believe others expect of me? ie who am I trying to please? this is an unconscious bit of programing, tell me if u agree or can improve on my wording?

[Visitor]

Originally Posted by Lozenge Squeezer

True, though the definition I use involves a conflict ie caught in fear & anger / sadness?

Simply put stress is a conflict between what I would love to do & what I believe others expect of me? ie who am I trying to please? this is an unconscious bit of programing, tell me if u agree or can improve on my wording?

Yes, conflict causes stress. In your example, the conflict is between what you want and what others want.
Both want it a particular way to satisfy their own ego/self-esteem.

If the ego senses any threat to its self-esteem (ego-energy) it panics and quickly will try to protect its fabricated validity.
This stress, this vulnerability, is one of the many forms of fear.

The ego's priority is to please itself to maintain its validity.
If that is not enough, it will try and get others to please/validate it also.
That is the goal of 'people pleasing'... if I please you I expect you to please me. It's all conditional and unauthentic.
That is why a lot of people don't really believed they are loved, because deep down they know they used emotional blackmail to get it.
Because they use conditions to attract love, when they actually get unconditional love they will not believe they are worthy of it. Or worse, abuse it out of their own blindness.

The deeper we look into our emotions and thoughts, the more we realize that there is only two ways of being. We are either fearful or loving. There is no in between.
Any form of stress or tension within us is a form of fear. Where as love is calm, soft and gentle (humble and meek).
Fear is impatient, critical, suspicious, jealous, envious, greedy, and all things the ego needs to compensate for its invalidity.
Love is patient, allowing, forgiving, never wanting or needing anything, for it comes from our Being through our heart.

Naturally the ego will try to claim this 'unconditional love' as coming from it. But as soon as it does, conditions appear.

Originally Posted by Visitor

The ego's priority is to please itself to maintain its validity.
If that is not enough, it will try and get others to please/validate it also.

I basically agree with u though is the ego trying to please or distract the feeliing mind from dismantling the ego? ............

[Visitor]

Originally Posted by Lozenge Squeezer

I basically agree with u though is the ego trying to please or distract the feeliing mind from dismantling the ego? ............

IMHO yes.
The ego censors the input to the brain. The feeling mind is influenced by either what is true or whatever the ego-mind creates.
For instance, there is the saying that 'pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional'. Pain is the stimuli and is true, while suffering is the ego-mind's story about not being able to accept/handle the pain, and is not true.
If the mind gets overloaded by the pain, it shuts it down by either releasing natural painkillers, or the mind shuts down to unconsciousness.

The main reason why the mind has created the ego is because the brain has no nerve ends of itself. Though its job is to sense the world it is in, it cannot sense itself.
To get around this dilemma, it uses memory of what its vehicle (person/human unit) has experienced that points to itself. This fabricated self story is called the ego.

The mind will never give up its only identity, but it can learn to be okay with its truth as a fabrication. And when it does the mind stops seeking further self-validation and gives space for truth to move in.

Well, this is how it is for me.

Originally Posted by Visitor

For instance, there is the saying that 'pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional'.

Like the saying though to me 'pain' is resistance to letting go of emotional bagage, ie 'pain' is in itself the expression of a conflict possibly between the emotions like anger & sadness, regarding letting go of a specific attitude or past event? A further example would be; where there is a lot of anger about not being loved as a child though there is equally a lot of sadness about not receiving loved which is unable to be released as social conditioning says that it is not ok to express sadness & anger in public or even in private hence we hold on to the pain? Would u agree with this or have a different attitude?

while suffering is the ego-mind's story about not being able to accept.

I very much agree with this.

Originally Posted by Visitor

The main reason why the mind has created the ego is because the brain has no nerve ends of itself. Though its job is to sense the world it is in, it cannot sense itself.
To get around this dilemma, it uses memory of what its vehicle (person/human unit) has experienced that points to itself. This fabricated self story is called the ego.

like this analagy.......

Originally Posted by Visitor

The mind will never give up its only identity, but it can learn to be okay with its truth as a fabrication. And when it does the mind stops seeking further self-validation and gives space for truth to move in.

Well, this is how it is for me.

again I like this analagy though may use different words to express a very similar situation......

much appreciated Visitor.........

[Visitor]

Originally Posted by Lozenge Squeezer

Like the saying though to me 'pain' is resistance to letting go of emotional bagage, ie 'pain' is in itself the expression of a conflict possibly between the emotions like anger & sadness, regarding letting go of a specific attitude or past event? A further example would be; where there is a lot of anger about not being loved as a child though there is equally a lot of sadness about not receiving loved which is unable to be released as social conditioning says that it is not ok to express sadness & anger in public or even in private hence we hold on to the pain? Would u agree with this or have a different attitude?

much appreciated Visitor.........

I too appreciate your questions, for they help me to stay true.

Regarding your other questions in the quote.
I can relate very strongly to what you are saying. As a child, my parents could only pass on what they have learnt, though inadequate at the time, yet they thought they were doing their best.
My parents background was surviving WWII in Europe. Father became alcoholic and chronic child abuser. I was the only child, living in fear and hiding.
If I cried during a belting, he would say, 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about'.

Later, I too became alcoholic and self-centered to the extreme. Ego-maniac they called it.
I was desperate to gain some self-esteem for it was beaten out of me. I exploited myself to the brink of death. My only options were total abstinence or death.

In recovery I started to learn, from the spiritually grateful, how to discern the truth of my life. I have been a truth seeker now for 27 years and still learning.
One of the main things I learnt about me is that I had everything back-to-front. Such as love. I was always wanting to be loved, but never was satisfied with what I got. Many relationships have gone because of it.
Now I know that it is not about getting love but giving love unconditionally. Like doing something for someone without them or anybody else knowing about it - its a real buzz to my heart and soul.

Instead of holding in emotions I now let it out.
With fear based emotions that I have trouble accepting and facing, I talk it out with friends in a loving way, for these can be very stressful and dis-empowering.
With love based emotions, I just let them flow out of me, for these are both nurturing and empowering.