Massive emotion when I tried to emotionally let them go. Why??

[RobinDawn]

I think Just Because has some great insights. The truth is we never really know exactly what another's experiences are.

I think the 5th option might allow you to clear the air. I can also add that I've been in a position of just being s friend. Its a little different though- an ex wants us to be friends, and I cant. I literally get physically sick to my stomach at the idea of him being with someone. He's also a major distraction to my life and myself because how I feel is too intense.
Ive been on both sides

[Hanalei]

JustBecause - those are some really interesting insights, thank you for your post!

It's certainly possible he thinks there's a catch to my liking him. It seems as though he noticed me far before I ever truly noticed him.... all I know is his walls are up almost all the time. Only twice have I seen them down, and only for a couple of seconds. He's a whole different guy when that wall comes down. I really, really like the guy underneath...

I never asked him out explicitly although I did say that I'd love to get to know him better if he ever was interested in that. I guess he read between the lines on that one. When I talked to him recently, actually, I was trying to clear the air, because this has been going on too long and I'm getting tired of not knowing where I stand with him. Seeing him looking at me all the time and getting nervous around me but never trying to take it beyond that. I did ask him if I bothered him or made him uncomfortable, and he said no, and then told me he just doesn't have time to date anyone right now and quickly exited the conversation. He was fine facing me and looking me in the eyes but he had that line rehearsed so it was hard to read the emotion with it. I figured that was him writing me off, so I initially just let it go and figured it didn't matter and I'd just forget about him. And then I keep thinking about how he has acted around me all this time and it just does NOT add up with the words that came out of his mouth. He has given me every reason in the book to be pretty much 100% certain he does have feelings for me (and it's not just me seeing this!), so for some reason, I just can't take his words at face value. There's more to it. I may never know what that is, obviously, but in some way it just seems like he's resisting it because in reality he's afraid of it and won't admit that to himself. I was afraid of it for a long time. Until about a week ago, actually. I finally realized I was afraid of letting anyone in, I was afraid of being vulnerable. Then I get this from him. Sort of ironic.

I'm trying not to seem weird and obsessive about this, because I'm not, but for some reason I just can't let him go. On some level I have known from the beginning that this connection was different, and the moment we met solidified that, as has everything since then. Maybe you guys are right and THAT is why he's pulling away? Because HE knows it's different and it freaks him out?

All I really can do is wait and see, I guess. He isn't particularly comfortable talking to me one on one, and never has been - usually he just gets nervous and trips on his words, and I guess that's probably why he avoids talking to me. I'm the only person he seems to be that way around.

My life has not been the same since we met. He changed that the moment he touched my hand. I guess that's why I can't release him from my thoughts and I just ended up tearing up instead...

[wednesdayschild]

Sorry I tried to quote this but it didn't work!
I am saying this from a guy's perspective. I am only theorizing here: Even though he has feelings for you, and he obviously knows you have feelings for him, is it still remotely possible that he cannot believe - literally cannot believe - that someone "as amazing as you are" could ever truly be interested in "someone like him"? Some young guys, even a few handsome ones, have gone their entire lives without ever being noticed by women that they view as attractive; therefore, they tend to get very nervous when in their presence (just like in the movies). Even though you asked him out (I assume), he may still be unable to stop thinking that there has to be some sort of catch, "because something as wonderful as this can't possibly be for real!" I know I was in that position a couple of times, and that is exactly what I was thinking. As a result of my doubts and extreme nervousness, because I couldn't believe such a girl was interested in me (she really was), I totally blew it. I didn't know how to act around her, except to be very nervous, so she soon gave up on me. Your twin flame (I prefer to call him your soulmate) may be blowing it too for the very same reason. It doesn't matter that you made your feelings for him clear to him, his fears and doubts about himself are still ruling his mind.

Maybe he believes that if he starts dating you, you will eventually see the "real him," the "unexciting him," the "flawed him," and you will then realize that he isn't as great as you thought he was, and you will eventually dump him. He would, therefore, rather never have you at all than risk having you and then losing you because you've discovered that he "isn't good enough." I repeat that he may be thinking this about himself. I'm not saying it.

This is really interesting!
A friend of my TF and someone who has known us for a while, told me that he had been hoping something would happen between us for months but (and this resonates with what he has told me) he was scared, so petrified that I was some kind of Goddess and that he wasn't good enough for me at all. He had/has self esteem issues even though I consider him to be really attractive (other women say he is too), fit and healthy and the sweetest, kindest guy you could ever meet. But we are not in someone else's head. The image they convey to the outside world is sometimes not the same as what image they have of themselves inside them. I have discussed this no end with him and he can't see himself through my eyes yet, although he says he's feeling better about himself due to my unconditional love for him. He told me that if we are just friends, he has less chance of messing it up and ruining what we have.
Is he on Facebook or social media? It would be a more indirect way of contacting him, less threatening for him. Just an idea! :)

[wednesdayschild]

Originally Posted by Just Because

I am not discounting any of the above theories and advice. They are all great and probably very accurate. That being said, here are some other options and possibilities for you to consider:

1.) Don't you and he have a mutual acquaintance who might be able to enlighten you regarding what's going on his mind? You could either get that person to ask him in a way that doesn't arouse his suspicions, or maybe you know one of his friends who already knows.

2.) I am saying this from a guy's perspective. I am only theorizing here: Even though he has feelings for you, and he obviously knows you have feelings for him, is it still remotely possible that he cannot believe - literally cannot believe - that someone "as amazing as you are" could ever truly be interested in "someone like him"? Some young guys, even a few handsome ones, have gone their entire lives without ever being noticed by women that they view as attractive; therefore, they tend to get very nervous when in their presence (just like in the movies). Even though you asked him out (I assume), he may still be unable to stop thinking that there has to be some sort of catch, "because something as wonderful as this can't possibly be for real!" I know I was in that position a couple of times, and that is exactly what I was thinking. As a result of my doubts and extreme nervousness, because I couldn't believe such a girl was interested in me (she really was), I totally blew it. I didn't know how to act around her, except to be very nervous, so she soon gave up on me. Your twin flame (I prefer to call him your soulmate) may be blowing it too for the very same reason. It doesn't matter that you made your feelings for him clear to him, his fears and doubts about himself are still ruling his mind.

3.) Maybe he believes that if he starts dating you, you will eventually see the "real him," the "unexciting him," the "flawed him," and you will then realize that he isn't as great as you thought he was, and you will eventually dump him. He would, therefore, rather never have you at all than risk having you and then losing you because you've discovered that he "isn't good enough." I repeat that he may be thinking this about himself. I'm not saying it.

4.) Wild theory: Maybe he never wants you to see what type of family he has.

5.) With the greatest sincerity in your heart (real, heartfelt sincerity, because you have convinced yourself that you really mean it), you could apologize to him for putting him on the spot by asking him out on a date (if that's what you did). Tell him that you feel terrible that you made him so nervous around you, because you like him too much to make him feel uncomfortable. Tell him you won't do it again, but that your original offer will always stand, and that he can accept it if and when he is ready. Also make it clear that if he never accepts it that's fine too (even if it really isn't), because you just want him to be happy in whatever way works for him (i.e. selfless, unconditional love). Tell him that, for now, you just want him to feel comfortable around you again. If that works, you can both start the process over again from a better perspective, because he really might start feeling comfortable around you again.

Justbecause, so sorry I messed up trying to quote you! You put forward some awesome insights. it's weird that everyone's perspectives are so different! I was sitting on my hands for months thinking, 'he's too good for me, he's out of my league, he'll never want me.' But he was thinking the same. The thing is that even though I think I am attractive in some ways, I am not arrogant enough to think, 'oh that guy is in so much awe of me he can't even speak'. I appreciate your input here because I am quite shocked that guys think this about girls. I guess it's all about guys being the ones who have to 'chase' but I suppose that bull**** attitude just doesn't work these days. Guys are scared to :) we need to understand this and help them out by taking the lead sometimes!

[Hanalei]

I tried the online route a while back.... he pushd me away even then. This entire time, he way he acts around me has not matched up with the way he acts *toward* me. Its like he likes me a lot from a distance but does not want to let me get any closer to him than that. Even from the beginning. Its like once he realized he had a real shot at this, he got scared and backed off.

One reason this all makes him stand out is because every other person I have met, even guys the same age, are generally fine talking to me. They dont get weird, they dont get intimidated, they dont push me away. They talk to me like anyone else. They have no problem looking me in the eyes, sitting or standing next to me (usually in non-flirty ways). He has never been able to do that. He tries now and then but he always gets weird and nervous and generally seems to avoid me one on one. My guess is maybe he cant control it and he doesnt like that feeling, so avoiding me = staying in control of himself?

He is super hard on himself when he thinks he could have done better at something. Imsee him get that way and I wish I could go and give him a hug and help him chill out. I feel like he needs me and doesnt even know it....or maybe he does. He is a confident guy (seemingly) but he does a total 180 in front of me and gets really shy. Its actually one thing I like about him. I have reason to believe he has had a crush on me for well over a year so I guess thinking he isnt good enouh is a legitimate possibility, crazy as it is.


This all correlates to dreams I have had, for the most part, which is strange in itself.

I am going to try and just focus on appreciating him for who he is from a distance (I see him all the time), keep my energy open and positive, and let him come to me if and when he feels ready. Obviously he knows I am interested, so its in his hands if he ever wants to pursue it.... I dont think I could bring it up again myself because he probably would avoid even talking to me. In a way, I am glad I brought it up and that he said the word "dating" to my face because at least we both are on the same page...

I actually, today, feel like the conversations yesterday wih my best friend and with you guys on here (especially you, actually!) Helped me a LOT in calming down and thinking more rationally. So thank you soooo much!

[wednesdayschild]

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I tried the online route a while back.... he pushd me away even then. This entire time, he way he acts around me has not matched up with the way he acts *toward* me. Its like he likes me a lot from a distance but does not want to let me get any closer to him than that. Even from the beginning. Its like once he realized he had a real shot at this, he got scared and backed off.

One reason this all makes him stand out is because every other person I have met, even guys the same age, are generally fine talking to me. They dont get weird, they dont get intimidated, they dont push me away. They talk to me like anyone else. They have no problem looking me in the eyes, sitting or standing next to me (usually in non-flirty ways). He has never been able to do that. He tries now and then but he always gets weird and nervous and generally seems to avoid me one on one. My guess is maybe he cant control it and he doesnt like that feeling, so avoiding me = staying in control of himself?

He is super hard on himself when he thinks he could have done better at something. Imsee him get that way and I wish I could go and give him a hug and help him chill out. I feel like he needs me and doesnt even know it....or maybe he does. He is a confident guy (seemingly) but he does a total 180 in front of me and gets really shy. Its actually one thing I like about him. I have reason to believe he has had a crush on me for well over a year so I guess thinking he isnt good enouh is a legitimate possibility, crazy as it is.


This all correlates to dreams I have had, for the most part, which is strange in itself.

I am going to try and just focus on appreciating him for who he is from a distance (I see him all the time), keep my energy open and positive, and let him come to me if and when he feels ready. Obviously he knows I am interested, so its in his hands if he ever wants to pursue it.... I dont think I could bring it up again myself because he probably would avoid even talking to me. In a way, I am glad I brought it up and that he said the word "dating" to my face because at least we both are on the same page...

I actually, today, feel like the conversations yesterday wih my best friend and with you guys on here (especially you, actually!) Helped me a LOT in calming down and thinking more rationally. So thank you soooo much!

It is really frustrating and I feel for you. I understand totally. If it helps at all just try and remember that he must also be going through some real frustration at himself. You have approached him and done what you can but he is the one who is holding back. He will be the one doing the soul searching. Just keep smiling and projecting the open energy and maybe he will just have to realise that his fears are less scary than the pull he feels towards you. You could always disappear and see if he tries to find you? If he feels your absence it might push him to seek you out!

[Just Because]

Originally Posted by Hanalei

JustBecause - those are some really interesting insights, thank you for your post!

Thank you, and you're welcome.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

It's certainly possible he thinks there's a catch to my liking him. It seems as though he noticed me far before I ever truly noticed him....

I just had a feeling that might be the case.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

He's a whole different guy when that wall comes down. I really, really like the guy underneath...

And he MAY be thinking it's just the opposite. I've been in his shoes. But once I knew for sure how my soulmate felt about me, I was almost drunk with self-confidence for the first time since maybe third grade (the last year that I wasn't "the new kid in town").

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I never asked him out explicitly although I did say that I'd love to get to know him better if he ever was interested in that. I guess he read between the lines on that one.

There were no lines in your invitation to read between. The invitation you gave him was the same thing as asking him out on a date, except that it was much classier than just asking him out on a date. I'm no expert, but I think a date can be seen by many people as something casual, with the implication that it doesn't have to lead anywhere (that's what I was always told). I THINK that telling him you want to get to know him better made it very clear that you really "like" him. And that is a great thing! In my opinion, you gave him the best type of invitation. If the girls/young women who had shown a similar interest in me (and in whom I was also interested) had been that clear in their interest in me, I might have fainted from a combination of happiness and disbelief.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I did ask him if I bothered him or made him uncomfortable, and he said no, and then told me he just doesn't have time to date anyone right now and quickly exited the conversation. He was fine facing me and looking me in the eyes but he had that line rehearsed so it was hard to read the emotion with it.

Last night I thought of four additional possibilities for his unusual reluctance/resistance, but each one of them is probably too much of a stretch (some far more than others), and you would probably immediately know the answers; therefore, I don't want to speculate on the internet. My only point in saying even this much here is that there can be all sorts of valid reasons for you not to give up on him too soon, or to force yourself to stop "liking" him for possibly wrong reasons.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I figured that was him writing me off, so I initially just let it go and figured it didn't matter and I'd just forget about him. And then I keep thinking about how he has acted around me all this time and it just does NOT add up with the words that came out of his mouth. He has given me every reason in the book to be pretty much 100% certain he does have feelings for me (and it's not just me seeing this!), so for some reason, I just can't take his words at face value.

Based on everything you've said about him, and my having been in vaguely similar shoes to his, I agree with you completely. You are not imagining it.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

Until about a week ago, actually. I finally realized I was afraid of letting anyone in, I was afraid of being vulnerable. Then I get this from him. Sort of ironic.

It certainly is.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I'm trying not to seem weird and obsessive about this, because I'm not, but for some reason I just can't let him go.

You came to the Soulmates & Twin Flames forum for a reason, and it seems like a valid one to me. Based on your choice of words in your posts, you don't seem weird or obsessive at all. My soulmate and I gazed with the greatest affection into one another's eyes for a full month before we ever spoke to one another (staring like that was something I had NEVER done before, but suddenly it seemed totally natural to do it, in fact, it felt wrong - heartless - NOT to do it). Actually, she spoke to me first at the end of that month, because I was so terrified of being wrong about her - even when I KNEW I wasn't wrong - that I couldn't get the words to come out. It didn't help that every ounce of my blood was always in my feet when I was around her, which is why my head was always full of air. That month of looking into one another's eyes almost every weekday in the college library is how I KNEW she loved me even if she refused to admit it out loud until a few weeks after we had become friends. I didn't know she was already taken during that first month...

Originally Posted by Hanalei

All I really can do is wait and see, I guess. He isn't particularly comfortable talking to me one on one, and never has been - usually he just gets nervous and trips on his words, and I guess that's probably why he avoids talking to me. I'm the only person he seems to be that way around.

What type of people (male and female) does he usually hang out with? You haven't said what sort of environment this is occurring in, school or work. I'm not trying to get you to reveal which it is, if you don't want to. I'm only saying it because I wonder how much of a chance there is for social interaction, so that you may observe him with others. In school, there would be a lot more time for that than there is at work.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

My life has not been the same since we met. He changed that the moment he touched my hand. I guess that's why I can't release him from my thoughts and I just ended up tearing up instead...

That certainly seems like a soulmate or twin flame reaction to me.

[Just Because]

Originally Posted by RobinDawn

I think Just Because has some great insights. The truth is we never really know exactly what another's experiences are.

Thank you. No, we never truly know what another person's experiences are, but I've always tried, at least when it comes to trying to figure out the unusual behaviors of people (usually only nice people, but sometimes mean people too; I was much more understanding of and patient with mean people when I was young; now I don't have the desire or the patience).

Originally Posted by RobinDawn

…an ex wants us to be friends, and I cant. I literally get physically sick to my stomach at the idea of him being with someone.

I was in a somewhat similar situation, so I know what you mean. I was open to returning to being "just friends," but I still couldn't quit feeling disgust at the thought of her being with him.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

A friend of my TF and someone who has known us for a while, told me that he had been hoping something would happen between us for months but (and this resonates with what he has told me) he was scared, so petrified that I was some kind of Goddess and that he wasn't good enough for me at all.

I knew I was on the right track, but rarely do I ever get such confirmation as this! Your TF is probably still pinching himself because he can't believe it's real!

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

He had/has self esteem issues even though I consider him to be really attractive (other women say he is too), fit and healthy and the sweetest, kindest guy you could ever meet. But we are not in someone else's head. The image they convey to the outside world is sometimes not the same as what image they have of themselves inside them.

Everything you wrote there is completely true, especially that last sentence.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

I have discussed this no end with him and he can't see himself through my eyes yet, although he says he's feeling better about himself due to my unconditional love for him.

So many people have tried to tell me what you told him, and I even half believed some of them, but I grew up around kids (not all of them!) who treated me as "less than" when I knew I was not "less than"; nonetheless, I still walled myself off in certain ways because I absolutely hated being treated as less than when I knew I wasn't. But the damage had been done. They trained me well, because I couldn't stop thinking that everyone else is going to see me as "less than" too. I didn't want to give them the chance, so I almost never took risks with girls/women. It didn't matter that a few really great women insisted that it's not true, because it's very hard to undo the tangled mess that society can make of our brains when we are young.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

He told me that if we are just friends, he has less chance of messing it up and ruining what we have.

I would probably think the same thing, if I were in this shoes, but, unlike him, I would be perfectly willing - in fact downright eager - to dive right in and risk messing it all up.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

Is he on Facebook or social media? It would be a more indirect way of contacting him, less threatening for him. Just an idea! :)

That same thought occurred to me last night after I turned off the computer. At the very least, I thought that reading his message board (or whatever it's called) might be a way to get a better sense of who he is, even if she doesn't correspond with him there.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

Justbecause, so sorry I messed up trying to quote you!

That's okay! Do you know how many messes I would have made here already if I didn't repeatedly (in almost OCD fashion) hit the "Preview" button on every post before I finally submit it? A lot!

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

You put forward some awesome insights.

Thank you again!

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

The thing is that even though I think I am attractive in some ways, I am not arrogant enough to think, 'oh that guy is in so much awe of me he can't even speak'.

Very well said!

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

I appreciate your input here because I am quite shocked that guys think this about girls.

I would think that guys would think it about girls far more than girls think it about guys.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

I guess it's all about guys being the ones who have to 'chase' but I suppose that bull**** attitude just doesn't work these days. Guys are scared to :)

Absolutely. Well, most of them are anyway. There are a fair number of guys who aren't afraid of rejection, and many of them handle themselves in a way that gives all the rest of us a bad name. Hollywood and the corporate media love to focus on those jerks in order to make it seem as if most guys are like that.

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

we need to understand this and help them out by taking the lead sometimes!

I wish most women would have done that when I was in my younger years!

[Hanalei]

@WEDNESDAYSCHILD
I will do that. Just continue to stay positive toward him, not back away but give him space, and let him come around if and when he is ready to. I hate waiting, but its not like I have any choice. I cant sit and wait for him, since he may realistically never choose to act on his apparent feelings. But strangely, I have not had feelings for anyone else since I met him. Theres a few guys who are cute or whatever, but I feel absolutely nothing more than friendship toward anyone else. Its sort of weird.

I have gone over a month wihout seeing him, and to my knowledge, it did not appear to affect him. Thats the longest I have been away from him. The next time he saw me he got visibly awkward again and after his initial momentary stare, he avoided my eyes. Thing is, right now I see him all the time. But that is ending soon and unless he chooses to at least talk to me online, I may never see him again..... which is one reason I found the nerve to just walk up to him and ask if my presence made him uncomfortable in any way (and then got the story of not having time to date.)


@JUST BECAUSE
The way I know him is very casual, not a work setting. He has plenty of chances to talk to me if he truly wanted to. Although either of us catching the other completely alone is not very common. Thats why I took my chance when I did. I mostly see him with guys his age but Ive seen him around a couple of girls and he either doesnt notice them at all or seems normal. Its certainly possible he is just awkward around women in general. But.... if nothing else, I have not noticed him trying to get the attention of any of the other girls at the same place as us. Not that theres a LOT, but he normally does not act any differently around them than around guys. With me he gets all shy and weird.


You guys seem to agree that Im not imagining his behavior toward me, and that clearly there is something between us that he is trying to resist. I guess thats good - maybe Im not totally out of my mind! LOL. I guess when it comes down to it, all I can really do is wait and see how this plays out. Wait. The hardest thing in the world to do...!

Im certainly not going to give up on him, but it doesnt seem like theres anything else I can do unless he changes his mind, since what he gave me was basically a no, though not a concrete no. Its his choice now. But I feel like trying to talk to him again (unless HE chooses to) would just annoy him. Obviously hes resisting me. Only he can really work that out for himself.... funny thing is, hes still going to be seeing a LOT of me over the next few weeks whether he wants to or not! I cant just wait for him, but honestly, it may be a while before anyone else starts looking attractive to me. So it might not matter if it takes him a while.


By the way, JustBecause, your input is particularly interesting to me! Its really insigtful to see thoughts and experiences from someone who has been on the other end of a similar situation!

[Just Because]

Originally Posted by Hanalei

By the way, JustBecause, your input is particularly interesting to me! Its really insightful to see thoughts and experiences from someone who has been on the other end of a similar situation!

Thank you. You are welcome to ask me anything you like. That's one of the reasons I like coming to this website. I may not have all the answers, but I might have a few.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

The way I know him is very casual, not a work setting. He has plenty of chances to talk to me if he truly wanted to. Although either of us catching the other completely alone is not very common. Thats why I took my chance when I did. I mostly see him with guys his age…

The phrase "with guys his age" implies that you aren't the same age as he is. Is there even the remotest possibility that he is worried about the age difference, if there is one? I am not asking you what your age is, but it might (or might not) help me to figure him out a little better if you could give me a very general age range for him, such as, is he somewhere under 20, or is he in his 20s, 30s, or 40s? My imagination has him in one of those decades, but it's only my imagination. You DO NOT have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought I would ask for the sake of a bit of clarity. I repeat, you do not have to answer if you don't want to.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

Ive seen him around a couple of girls and he either doesnt notice them at all or seems normal.

Have you ever heard of him dating anyone before? Or do you not know him or his friends well enough to have discovered that information?

Maybe he had a very serious relationship in the past and was hurt very deeply and is afraid that it might happen again if he gets too close to you.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

Its certainly possible he is just awkward around women in general. But.... if nothing else, I have not noticed him trying to get the attention of any of the other girls at the same place as us. Not that theres a LOT, but he normally does not act any differently around them than around guys. With me he gets all shy and weird.

One possibility, out of several that I can think of, is that none of those girls are even half as appealing to him as you are. That may even have been the case before he first saw you. On the other hand...

I'm not entirely joking when I say the following: Maybe he had long ago made up his mind to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, but then you came along and put a serious and very unexpected dent in his determination / plans. Now he is now terribly conflicted.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I guess when it comes down to it, all I can really do is wait and see how this plays out. Wait. The hardest thing in the world to do...! Im certainly not going to give up on him, but it doesnt seem like theres anything else I can do unless he changes his mind.

The secret is to know how long to wait without waiting too long. I have no idea how long that is in your case. The aging process doesn't put itself on hold while we are waiting. I speak from personal experience. I posted this commentary on 9-16-16. It's already back on page 4, so some people might groan if you commented there and brought it back to page 1 again. So, if you are moved to comment, you may want to come back here to do it. If you have nothing to say about it, that's fine too. I am not trying to fish for attention.

Originally Posted by Hanalei

I feel like trying to talk to him again (unless HE chooses to) would just annoy him. Obviously hes resisting me. Only he can really work that out for himself.... funny thing is, hes still going to be seeing a LOT of me over the next few weeks whether he wants to or not! I cant just wait for him, but honestly, it may be a while before anyone else starts looking attractive to me. So it might not matter if it takes him a while.

This may be very difficult for you to do, but you might consider not going to your mutual "hangout" for a few days, or for a few visits (however often that is). He could very well start missing you. As a result, he might be very happy / relieved to see you again when you finally return. And that, in turn, might cause him to stop taking you for granted. I would like to think that you have nothing to lose by trying it, because he seems to be winning the "battle" as things are presently going. If my plan backfires, then maybe this will be a way of getting to the truth.

P.S. Off topic: When I first saw your Spiritual Forums nickname, I had to repeat it a few times out loud before I could remember where I had heard it before. Although it's not spelled the same, I remember it from the 1960s song, "Puff, the Magic Dragon." Is that just a coincidence?