why

[butterfly79]

why would someone (spouse) who says loves you, treat you the opposite.
He makes me feel useless, unworthy, stupid, ugly ect. Like I'm not good enough for him. I know I am but that's just what he wants me to believe I guess. I notice that when I'm not around,he actually smiles and has a good time. ( I see it in pictures he takes when I'm not there). I don't get it. I really don't get it. I'm already troubled but this is just drowning me away. I don't know what to do anymore.

Just my opinion of course, but.... Walk away and don't look back.

I agree that you should leave him. My ex told me everyday that he loved me, yet he was unfaithful more than once. Actions speak louder than words. It doesn't seem that he respects you. You deserve better.

Maybe he feels that he is the reason for the bad times you have been facing ! and maybe my keeping away from yourself he's making it right !! clearly not working !

Originally Posted by butterfly79

why would someone (spouse) who says loves you, treat you the opposite.
He makes me feel useless, unworthy, stupid, ugly ect. Like I'm not good enough for him. I know I am but that's just what he wants me to believe I guess. I notice that when I'm not around,he actually smiles and has a good time. ( I see it in pictures he takes when I'm not there). I don't get it. I really don't get it. I'm already troubled but this is just drowning me away. I don't know what to do anymore.

Because spouses sometimes regard the person in their lives as a convenient bed partner or someone on which they can vent their spleen so they can look good to every other person in their circle of semi-friends, colleagues, etc. It's the saddest of situations and, frankly, men fall into a complacency a lot quicker than most women. But many people in relationships take the other for granted far too much, without being grateful for what that person brings to their lives.

Now if you were to say, "I think our time is up...what d'you say we move on....?" what do you think would happen?

Of course, if kids are involved it's difficult. To me, a couple have duties and responsibilities toward their children above and beyond their own whimsies.

...

[Lollypoppet]

The fact that he makes you feel like that is very toxic to you! You should realise that you are none of those things at all.

You should NEVER be around someone who makes you feel less than you deserve.

actions speak louder than words.

dump his butt.

It is the lack of communication and the lack of confronting your spouse and truly revealing how you feel that hurts you. I'm sorry. You are hurting yourself more than your spouse. A relationship is a partnership. Yes, you can leave him. However, leaving him DOES not rid yourself this problem. We must learn from every bad situation the creator gives us. You must learn from this experience. Learn then move on. If you don't learn and get to the root of the problem then that problem moves with you to the other relationship. leave him once you've grown. However, the problem does not go away. It stays. It stays with your with the other relationship. You have not learn communication and you can't just learn it by leaving.

For example. My partner might say he loves him. However, I can't tell him how I feel. I leave him. I enter a new relationship and I can't tell him how I feel. I leave him and it's the same process again...

Do you get what I'm saying?

[Faith33]

butterfly,
If it's any consolation, know that you aren't the only one in such a situation.

As to why they act in this manner...insecurity? arrogance? who knows...

Question is; do we continue to allow it?

a huge part of a relationship is respect. why would you want to stay with someone who does not respect you unless you have no self esteem?