What do you think about the roles of parents?

[rainbow.sprinkles]

a stay at home parent is by default going to be responsible for "most" of the childcare. However, I think it's only fair that when the other parent gets home from their job that they sort of take over and spend some time with their child who they've missed out on all day. Parenting is exhausting, and anyone would need a break after doing it alone all day. In my opinion, housework should always be split as close to 50/50 as possible for equality's sake; after all, you both live in the space, so you both need to be contributing to keeping it clean. That said, energy levels are always in a state of flux, and sometimes one partner might need to pick up thee slack if the other partner needs some extra rest. this is especially true in households where one or both partners have any sort of mental or physical illness. it's all about supporting one another.

[Clover]

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

I personally benefited from a staying home mom who forgo her career and worked from home for my dad's business. She paid others to do all housework but she was the primary caregiver for me.
I knew that she had her own professional aspirations and personal life goals. So, I am very grateful that she sacrificed those dreams

Beautiful & heart warming comment here, I think every mother whose put in the work wants to hear this from their children

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

To answer your question.
The working parent should volunteer if he/she has enough energy for physical work of doing the housework and childcare. But it should not be mandatory.
Staying home parent should assume most of the housework and childcare.
However, as far as the income sharing, it must be 50/50 in a marriage, especially with children.- without a question.
In fact, most staying home parents control the finance - paying bills, etc. Budget setting and Investment decision should be made together.

I wholeheartedly agree with this 100% I was a career woman before and when I had babies. I gave it all up to stay at home with my children and raise them myself. So, I couldn't agree more with your entire assessment here and I have lived by it.






I should add to the OP, having small/little children is temporary. They grow up,its not always going to be a 24-7 job, so Definitely consider having a back up plan for your future.

[Kcmoh44]

PARENTS must provide for the material and spiritual welfare of their children. They must love their children in a responsible manner and provide for their healthy growth. They must inspire their children by their own exemplary life and must never neglect to correct their faults. Parents are responsible to provide the necessary food, clothing, shelter and medical care insofar as they are able.

They are equally responsible for providing sound education and a sound knowledge of their religion as well as moral training of their children. Parents must keep their children in healthy environments and rear them to be useful, self –supporting, loyal citizens, and informed, practical members of society.

[Blue Tiger]

Having small children is no walk in the park. Even though my kids are grown, I well remember those days of too little sleep and others thinking they knew how to raise my kids better than I did.

I had no chance to be a stay at home parent. I wish I had. You have that chance, but you rightfully feel judged. People should just leave you alone.

The priority needs to be what is best for the baby. As long as the house is safe, don't sweat the housework too much. My kids remember the things we did together, not whether or not the house was clean (mostly it wasn't lol).

Maybe ask your partner to do specific household tasks? It would be lovely if partners just KNEW what needed to be done around the house, but honestly their mind has been focused on work all day and they may need some guidance. Or suggest partner plays with the baby so you can get dinner together for you both?

Just my thoughts.

[Ariaecheflame]

I'm always downsizing and minimising stuff so that I have less cleaning to do. To me, the more stuff and the bigger the house represents more valuable time wasted on cleaning stuff which serves little emotional value to me.
My value is the time I invest into my relationships with my family and that is a massively underestimated emotional investment which requires me being healthy and happy so that I can best take on that role.

I do value providing nutritious meals but not at the cost of my own sanity. I find cooking dreadfully boring and so what I do is just cook a massive pot of food or make a massive salad when I am hungry (for breakfast at 6am or for lunch) and then I have meal in the now and a heap of leftovers for when I don't want to cook. The worst time for me to cook is after 12pm as I'd rather be having fun and hanging out with people I love. So generally, I don't cook dinner cause I've already cooked it at breakfast time.

My family clean up after their own mess and if it's not urgent, I just put their stuff in their corner and shut the door. Their stuff is their responsibility, we all have relationships with our things which is a learning process in itself, I'm not going to deprive them of the opportunity to connect with their own 'stuff', however it might manifest.


When I'm on my deathbed, I'm not going to be thinking that I should have washed more dishes or had some fantasy clean house.

For me, I had to figure out exactly what my values are and that is time spent in connection, my own mental, emotional and spiritual well-being and providing nutritious meals.

My own well-being has to come first otherwise my other values suffer.

I don't value cooking which conflicts with my value of providing nutritious meals so I'm always evaluating ways which I can compromise.
When it comes to cleaning, I only care if the working surfaces are workable, things are generally in the vicinity of where they live so they are easily found in rush hour and the floor is swept. Everything else is not of high value to me so I simply let it go.

Figure out what you value and you can start to drop anything which doesn't serve those values.

[Brucely]

Im surprised by the money sharing results. I guess nobody has been with someone stupidly careless like me