Detachment vs. numbness

Please bear with me, because explaining this question / issue is akin to unraveling a ball of yarn a kitten has been playing with.

I believe that in order to manifest something, a person needs to feel positive about it, while also remaining detached - up to a point - from the desire / need for it.

Remaining detached is relatively easy for me (after years of practice) when it's a small matter, however, when the matter is urgent and/or a big problem, that all goes out the window.

I currently have two massive problems - and I do realise that describing them in those terms isn't helping, but please bear with me anyway.

One of the issues is a financial one, and so much depends on my ability to overcome the mess that I can no longer tell which way is up. The pressure is consuming me, and causing writer's block - which is a major problem as I am a writer. It's a vicious circle. Stress > less creativity > more stress > even less creativity.

I have addressed the feng shui of my home; brought my best glassware / china / linen / ornaments out of storage, and now enjoy them daily; give thanks for all I have; do my best to give attention only to the things I do like, such as expensive cars and beautiful homes. (I am genuinely happy for the folks who own them, too.) I am trying to maintain awareness of any avenue that could improve my finances, (IE I'm not just focusing on a pay rise or different job). I'm trying to remain open to creative ideas, generally. Even so, things go from bad to worse.

The other issue is with a relationship. I'm finding it all but impossible to differentiate between a healthy "if you love someone, set them free" feeling and just being plain numb from the pain & frustration of it all.

So, my questions is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome, while still maintaining a healthy level of wanting that creates the magnetic attraction needed to draw whatever it is to you?

Any and all thoughts / advice will be gratefully considered.

White Wolf

[Adrienne]

White Wolf, I will start with this for now and get back to you with a few ideas

blessings,
Dream Angel xx

[Xan]

So, my question is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome,


You learn how to release negative feelings and desperate desires, rather than either getting caught up in them, struggling with them or denying them (which people often think is detachment).

The best way I know to release negative emotions and change emotional patterns is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's an article about it at: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478


Xan

[Roselove]

I struggle with this myself, as xan suggested eft is great for negative emotions as are bach flower remedies to deal with under the surface emotions.. medidation helps in detaching as does visualzing already having it.. it's about getting in the flow, don't think you lack, get into the feeling of already having it.. easier said then done i know, i would start medidating and look at ways to raise your vibration to attract, focus on doing things you love and try to keep yourself in that mood, if you do have negative emotions don't push them down that will only repress them further, talk them out, journal etc.

[Xan]

So, my question is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome,

Wolf... Detachment doesn't mean not feeling, but you can become detached by simply watching your feelings as they come and go... with allowing and accepting... and conscious breathing.

And you can learn how to release negative feelings and desperate desires, rather than either getting caught up in them, struggling with them or denying them.

The best way I know to release negative emotions and change emotional patterns is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's an article about it at: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478


Xan

[Adrienne]

Xan, this EFT must be quite powerful, between that and mediation, those two seem to be a cure all ! Just wondering, do you ever recommend anything else ? LOL !

Dream Angel xx

Hi White Wolf and everyone

It is probably the hardest thing I ever had to learn - "detachment" and "being"! The main problem is that I dont really know how I got there! But I do think it has something to do with KNOWING you will overcome all hurdles that might be placed in front of you...... and that everyone has their own life's journey (eg my kids).... and I can do no more than assist them when asked.

I am afraid my 'advice' tends to come in the way of stories from my life, so please bear with me! In the last eon, was unhappily married with 2 small children and just wanted out, but I didnt work, didnt have anywhere to go, etc..... One day I just thought, that's it... I just need freedom to be me: we are out of here, packed up and went to stay with parents. You know within a month, I was living in a nice house, people had provided me with furniture, I was getting the sole parent pension, and found it was more than enough to get by. I was offered a part time job which I hadnt applied for, and met heaps of new friends. The point of that sory is, the "urge" was so strong that I now see it was my soul telling me to move. I had no idea what was going to happen to me, but I knew I HAD to do it. (BTW my husband was quite a nice guy, but we just weren't good together).
This, I think, was my first important lesson in detaching from the outcome of my action, but just KNOWING I was doing the right thing, even though at the time I felt terribly selfish because I was doing this for myself alone.

I find, when faced with an anxiety, to work out the worst case scenario of that issue. Most often, you will think, "yeah, if I have to, I can live with that". Now, for instance, as you live in good old Oz, the worst case scenario (money wise) is that you will have to do some other menial job to provide an income or receive Centrelink benefits (about $300 pw), and get free medical etc.

So I would raise the question of ego....... sorry to do that!! Does writing provide your "ego self" with a sense of status, being productive and worthwhile, being acknowledged, etc? If this is the case, perhaps it is these aspects of your self you are being asked to examine. Just a thought of course. We are all brought up in a culture built around providing for ourselves, being productive, being useful, having things, being important, being well educated, being "someone".... well you know what I mean. It is my experience that once you have released the need for all of those aspects (in other words, everybodies opinion of you), you are half way there.

The only other thing I would like to ad to this is, I believe you manifest things and experiences when your SOUL is animated (excited), and not your ego.

Thanks for letting me ramble!
JEN

Sorry White Wolf....... just thought of one more thing.

You talk about "improving" your finances....... in other words, you are really focussing on the LACK of finances........ if you get my drift. If you focus on what you are lacking, that is exactly what you will draw towards you...... more lack.

So, just put everything away that is causing you anxiety and go for a picnic! Glory in the world around you, and as you say, give thanks for what you have, where you've been, the experiences you have had (both good and bad) which have made you the person you are today, the people that have come and gone in your life, and life!

Hell, I might just do that too....... sounds great!

Love JEN

Thanks so much everyone.

I have worked out a Plan A, (and if that fails, a Plan B).

At the risk of sounding like I'm ignoring everyone's suggestions - I'm not - the things that normally work for me just aren't working this time / in this situation.

For the record, Jen, I see your point about the worst case scenario, but Centrelink is not an option for me, (and that's not an ego thing - it's a matter of because I didn't have a "normal" job before, they don't recognise me as being "unemployed" now.) Anyway, $300- p/w doesn't even cover my rent, and before anyone says, "move house", I have to stay where I am due to familial responsibilities.

Yes, I am STILL having my self-pity party...

*****

I'll try the EFT and the Bach flower remedies.

White Wolf

Hi JEN and everyone.

Just thought it best to clarify something, since I haven't been a member here long enough for anyone to know what I'm really like.

I mentioned being a writer simply because a lot of folks write, therefore writer's block is a nuisance to them - but writer's block for a professional writer is akin to a sprained ankle for a pro-athlete.

Anyway, I've had more than my share of menial jobs, and as for the ego thing ... put it this way, my job is as glamorous as that of a garbage collector, and less useful to society. (I don't put any store in societies idea of which jobs are worthy and which aren't. It's simply a case that I've put in the hard years to get to where I am, and watching it all fall apart is tough.)

I hope that makes some sense. (Feeling particularly inarticulate today.)

hugs all 'round,

White Wolf