A broken relationship - advice please.

Hi there,
I hope you’re all well, happy and having fun?

I have a question please and would love some input from those that are perhaps more experienced or someone that shines a little brighter than me at the moment.

The start to my life began without a father, sexual abuse by a neighbour and systematic bullying from school right through my Fire Fighter recruitment period.

I met this wonderful lady where I was in a deep and loving relationship on and off for 3 years. This angel who I was with was beautiful, patient and where my spiritual path begun.

I was angry on and off throughout the relationship, flirted online with girls and generally not the ideal partner, however she constantly showed me an unconditional love of which I will never forget. I was spinning out of control going through friendships like sweets. It all got too much and I decided I wanted to end my existence, but because I couldn’t at the time trust anyone with my cat didn’t. Sad when I look back. I'd only come back very quickly!

On a last ditch attempt after bouncing off therapists like a pinball machine, I visited an NLP practitioner. Within 2 hrs of visiting this guy, my life changed, the sky’s opened, the sun shined and began to feel happy for the first time in my life. It was like an angel had stopped by and performed a miracle!

I was so hooked on this NLP and the fact I could help people in less than happy position change their life, that I got certified in NLP, EFT, Emotrance and Reiki.

Alex the girl I mistreated, allowed us to be together so many times, I’ve lost count, but at the end of last year she had a brain hemorrhage and god’s honest truth, I didn’t know what to do as I was so scared she was going to die, backed away. I lost her again.

I visited a very reputable medium who over a year ago strongly told me to stay away from her. When we got back again it broke 6 months later, she was right.

It’s been some 7 months since we last spoke and we met last week and was close again, and loving towards each other. She told me she’s going to Australia to recover however happy I am for her, want her so much.

I asked her last year if she’d never consider me as a lover again, please tell me so I can be set free, spread my wings and fly. But she won’t say yes nor no. It used to tear me to pieces and can feel it coming back again. I can't really ask her again.

So here we are again. I want her, want her to be happy and want her to be my wife, but what do I do?

I thank you so much for reading this. All my love.
James. x

Kia ora, Hello,

My blessings to you and her. It's such a familiar story told by men that I've been in relationships with. Anyway, there's so much I can say on the subject, yet choose not to.

I will say this however, it's time to move forward, to let her go in love & in light. I know it's gonna be painful letting go, it feels like dying, well, it basically is. It's the death of a way of life so that the birth of a new, even better way of life can emerge. I sense you still have some healing to do within yourself on an emotional level, that's probably why you said this....

"I asked her last year if she'd never consider me a lover again, please tell me so I can be set free, spread my wings and fly. But she won't say yes nor no. It used to tear me to pieces and can feel it coming back again. I can't really ask her again."

You are already free to spread your wings and fly, the question is, are you willing to choose that for yourself?

Dig a little deeper to find out why you relate to her this way. The mystery will unravel on it's own and you'll look back and think..., Wow, after all I've been through I'm even more magnificent.

PS: When you were growing up others had power over you (grown-ups made decisions for you, even abused this power by abusing you). Now, it's different. You have all the power over yourself right now. What you choose to do with it is entirely your choice........may the force be with you, smiles.

Hiya,
When matters concern love it is sometimes best to listen to your heart. However due to some outside influences sometimes we cannot gain what our heart desires.

This woman you have "fallen" for perhaps is not sure about relationships. Her own past might hinder her from wanting a deep relationship in full. It is possible that destiny isnt in your favour and so you might have to try and move on and wait untill you meet your partner. Angelicious has given some good advice with strong truth behind it. Everything is up to you.

There may be times when love is like a boat and your heart is being bashed at by the waves of your emotions, but if you make it through the terrible storms which your heart must face then you will surely appreciate and understand love more. When its meant to be no one should ever dare try to take it from you. I bless you for the future in the eyes of love. As everyone deserves love especially if they are willing to work for it in the positive way.

love and blessings to all

Originally Posted by simyboye

I was so hooked on this NLP and the fact I could help people in less than happy position change their life, that I got certified in NLP, EFT, Emotrance and Reiki...but what do I do?

Hey James,

Sometimes the answer can already be in the question asked!

Why not use your certified skills on your own situation?

The answer may be closer than you think.

Bob23.

Hi there and love and light to you all?

Thank you so very much for your sincere replies. I kind of expected what I read. I'm serving in the fire service and face many difficult and life threatening situations thus far, my life has also be compromised for the sake of others, but Alex and my love for her is by far the most difficult so far... I'm not going to make out its easy because it hurts so bl**dy much! Please excuse my profanity.

My wings feel tied back, but my love remains so deep for this girl.

Those voices in my head tell me to move forward. I seem to be the only one single, the only one un-married and without kids without my crew at work, and my friends at home. Maybe I'm lucky to be so free. Loves such a difficult thing eh.

Thank you for reading this.
James
x

Howdy,

I agree with Angelicious' advice here. It's going to be difficult, but you need to let this girl go with love and light. This is going to sound contrived and be of no help to you in the turmoil you are in right now - but if you can allow yourself to let her go, she will come back to you under the right circumstances - when both of you are ready. Right now - this narrative seems to be embedded within an abusive framework - it's on, it's off, you stay, you go, she's committed and not committed, - whether you can see it or not, this is a form of abuse between the both of you masked by 'love'. This is not loving behaviour. I'm not suggesting you do not have strong feelings for her and she for you - after all I know only what you have posted here - but I see this a lot. People justifying theirs and others behaviour by "but I love him/her". Love in its highest spiritual form is beautiful, powerful and pure, it can change lives, but love that is not also equally about respect, freedom, truth, care, nurturing, the self, and the other, can be corrosive. Give yourself permission to fly, you do not need it from anyone else. You need to love yourself before you can love her - anything less than this does no justice to the partner you choose.

Take care.

Oh ... and by the way,

Don't buy into social expectations about marriage, kids and all that. If you're not ready - you're not ready. Don't measure your life by those around you. You need to be on this path right now - have faith in that. If you want that other stuff - and remember it is a choice - it will come to you when it's right.

Adios

Hi Simeyboye

I am sorry u r going thru such turmoil... I resonated with ur early experiences, happened to me too.. takes many years to heal from child abuse.. and many years to learn how to truly love unconditionally...

But u know what, first of all, u need to learn to love U. Unconditionally.

I have let people go from my life who I have loved dearly and it is very hard.. I have lost people v close to me who have passed on from this life too.

there's a saying, if u love someone, let them fly free, if they come back to u, then its real love, if they don't, then it never was meant to be..

Let her fly away with ur blessing and ur love.. and u never know, if its meant to b, she may well just walk back into ur life...

I wish u love, joy, peace and blessings

Jan

It seems it also is a matter of guilt you feel about what you've done in the past which clouds your judgement. Most of us live their present this way. I also get the sense the quilt you feel also is one because you caused pain and, were never honest. It may be you feel the need for her forgiveness or acceptness in order that you can give yourself permission to fly.

My personal feeling is "No one", not even a psyhic can tell you to or not to return. They don't make the future. It seems to me you've reached the honesty stage of some journey and in mists of the decision stage. Honesty is not enough. That's the delema with change, the fear you must give up old ways, but we carry the baggage.

You already know what you're going to do and it's really not anyones place to tell you what, except to say you "will" do what's in your heart to, whether it is today, a week, or ten years from now. Play out ten thousand senerios or "yes and No's", you already know (even if we knowingly make the wrong decision we will try to correct things) Time isn't a relavent matter. So in the end, free your mind for one day and think of nothing and let the answer come forward, then come back to life and decide.


"Broken wings make flight impossible.....
And it is in our nature to soar, and so, it hurts
all the much more."

Originally Posted by lemmex

...............My personal feeling is "No one", not even a psyhic can tell you to or not to return. They don't make the future.

Hi Lemmex,

That's absolutely true what you've said (I quoted it above), no one can tell simyboye (James) what to do & we don't create his future. I think you'll find that we have given solicited advice, in other words....he asked for our input. Yet everyone here knows it's his choice in the end to follow our advice or not.