Cancelled plans to meet with my long-distance TF, what is the meaning of this?

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

I am not giving my power away because I've just decided to focus on my business and where my life was before this happened. I also don't feel like talking to him much at this point.

Because the thing is, we talked before about he moving here permanently in the future, and if he doesn't come here now with something that is simple to resolve, what would happen about moving for good!?

Anyway, you are right, he should do the effort regardless of being a TF or not. If he doesn't, we are not on the same page.

But please give him a chance. How simple is it to resolve? The Monarch debacle was commercial. It's failed 800,000 people booked on package holidays, flights the lot. It's probable that he could get a refund for a plane ticket but that'll take time with so many to process.

He may not have enough ready money just to rebook on a reliable airline. I don't know what distance is involved.

But know that, assuming he's telling the truth and stuff, this isn't his fault. The airline hoped to get a trading extension. Just a great shame that it wasn't a week ago because he'd now be in a position where he couldn't get back!

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

Thank you FairyCristal!

I guess on my second post I was realising a few things I wasn't realising on the first one...

The reason why I am not expressing my feelings about this to him is because I don't want to put any pressure on him, like he feels that he does have to come here and jump on that flight. Because I feel that needs to be his decision.

And I also want to see what he does, the effort you were mentioning. That is why I am backing off a little and giving him space to do whatever he wants to do with no pressure.

Because he is saying all the time that he misses me and wants to come and be with me, so let's see if his actions match his words.

I have no idea at this point of what he is thinking about doing, if he is calling Paypal to ask if he'll get the refund this week, if he is checking return flights, etc. He doesn't mention anything. Which is not a good thing I think.

I don't know, I guess I would like him to reassure me that he still wants to come on that available flight and he's taking care of things. But he doesn't say anything. The only things he says is "I miss you so much" or "I want to be with you", etc, which is kinda starting to annoy me.

I am not giving my power away because I've just decided to focus on my business and where my life was before this happened. I also don't feel like talking to him much at this point.

Because the thing is, we talked before about he moving here permanently in the future, and if he doesn't come here now with something that is simple to resolve, what would happen about moving for good!?

Anyway, you are right, he should do the effort regardless of being a TF or not. If he doesn't, we are not on the same page.

In itself it is always best to stick to your own life and power etc. etc.
But do try to use your intuition -not your upset ego part- to distinct whether he truly doesn't make an effort or doesn't care so much OR if he maybe has gotten insecure himself by lack of response from you. Men get insecure just the same, and if your reaction to him was rather withdrawn, he might slip into his own ego. Then you have two people who deep down really want to be together but don't voice this because both have gone into their shells emotionally.
That's why I said, have you communicated openly? And again, you don't have to offer him money for half the ticket fee, that's being too straightforward and could be overgiving in case he indeed doesn't care that much.
But you can meet him halfway at least by letting him know you really want to see him, are also very sad about it. Tell him honestly this not-knowing what's going to happen is very difficult for you and makes you feel insecure, and ask him to tell you what his current plans are. And if you're certain he does really care about you and really does miss you, you could add to that "Is there anything I can do to help?"
That way you aren't overgiving nor reaching out too much, but you are open and honest and sharing your feelings. And doing this is so very important in a relationship! Esp since he may have his insecurities too if you suddenly got aloof (women tend to do that when they're upset, withdraw and become 'hard'). He may also need to know that you care.

And apart from all that, what have you got to lose? Open communication will improve a relationship if it has solid footing, and if there isn't, at least you'll know. Win-win.
but I think the first is the case. Don't forget he's a man, he won't just ask you to pay half of the fee for the ticket. Man have delicate egos, you know, haha.

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

In itself it is always best to stick to your own life and power etc. etc.
But do try to use your intuition -not your upset ego part- to distinct whether he truly doesn't make an effort or doesn't care so much OR if he maybe has gotten insecure himself by lack of response from you. Men get insecure just the same, and if your reaction to him was rather withdrawn, he might slip into his own ego. Then you have two people who deep down really want to be together but don't voice this because both have gone into their shells emotionally.
That's why I said, have you communicated openly? And again, you don't have to offer him money for half the ticket fee, that's being too straightforward and could be overgiving in case he indeed doesn't care that much.
But you can meet him halfway at least by letting him know you really want to see him, are also very sad about it. Tell him honestly this not-knowing what's going to happen is very difficult for you and makes you feel insecure, and ask him to tell you what his current plans are. And if you're certain he does really care about you and really does miss you, you could add to that "Is there anything I can do to help?"
That way you aren't overgiving nor reaching out too much, but you are open and honest and sharing your feelings. And doing this is so very important in a relationship! Esp since he may have his insecurities too if you suddenly got aloof (women tend to do that when they're upset, withdraw and become 'hard'). He may also need to know that you care.

And apart from all that, what have you got to lose? Open communication will improve a relationship if it has solid footing, and if there isn't, at least you'll know. Win-win.
but I think the first is the case. Don't forget he's a man, he won't just ask you to pay half of the fee for the ticket. Man have delicate egos, you know, haha.

Thank you. I asked him what his plans are and told him I feel he is not very open about it. So what happens if he is not able to come here now? And then he said that he thought about it and in that case he'll cancel his holidays and will come here by the end of this month.

So, was it that difficult to tell me that? Wouldn't tell me in the first place make things easier for both of us?

I just feel that he is quite open about his feelings but not really about plans or pratical stuff, and it just makes me feel insecure.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

Thank you. I asked him what his plans are and told him I feel he is not very open about it. So what happens if he is not able to come here now? And then he said that he thought about it and in that case he'll cancel his holidays and will come here by the end of this month.

So, was it that difficult to tell me that? Wouldn't tell me in the first place make things easier for both of us?

I just feel that he is quite open about his feelings but not really about plans or pratical stuff, and it just makes me feel insecure.

Part of getting to know each other I think. And man are usually more easy-going with changing plans than women. We get insecure right away. Man can easier shrug something off (compartmentalizing). And since most men aren't so open in communication, you will have to 'guide' him through that with your own communication. Basically teach him to be more forthcoming.
Men also want to please their girl, so if you let him know the right way that you need more security when plans change, he will likely accommodate you. Just don't put any blame or drama in it when you express your feelings, and you'll find that a man can handle a lot.
You may have to remind him repeatedly that you need that, but that's alright. Just don't go scolding him with "Why can't you remember??"
He likely won't remember any time soon, because to him it's not that important. He's a guy. But he will accommodate you -within reason of course- as long as you express yourself the right way.
And could be that he simply forgot about it. It's a woman thing to think of everything and everyone all the time (multi-tasking). Men don't multi-task. They do one thing, then move to the next, and when they do that they forget about the first thing. We can do it all in one go.

Glad it worked out and you got clarity now!

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Part of getting to know each other I think. And man are usually more easy-going with changing plans than women. We get insecure right away. Man can easier shrug something off (compartmentalizing). And since most men aren't so open in communication, you will have to 'guide' him through that with your own communication. Basically teach him to be more forthcoming.
Men also want to please their girl, so if you let him know the right way that you need more security when plans change, he will likely accommodate you. Just don't put any blame or drama in it when you express your feelings, and you'll find that a man can handle a lot.
You may have to remind him repeatedly that you need that, but that's alright. Just don't go scolding him with "Why can't you remember??"
He likely won't remember any time soon, because to him it's not that important. He's a guy. But he will accommodate you -within reason of course- as long as you express yourself the right way.
And could be that he simply forgot about it. It's a woman thing to think of everything and everyone all the time (multi-tasking). Men don't multi-task. They do one thing, then move to the next, and when they do that they forget about the first thing. We can do it all in one go.

Glad it worked out and you got clarity now!

Yes but I still feel sad about this whole situation, after all is my birthday next week and I was expecting to be with him.

Also, I feel like I am not being able to handle this long distance situation much longer. I want to have a partner where we are together when we want and live near, this situation is dragging me down and making me sad.