Haiku for Sean 3/3/87 ~ 2/14/10

[Silver]

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
are so easy to listen to, so - I'm
driving home from the beach - a place
my boy and I went all the time.
I'm listening to my latest cd and
though I've heard this song many times
before, the words took on fresh meaning
and my eyes glistened and opened wide...
"I'm learning to fly - but I ain't got wings.
Coming down - is the hardest thing."
But - my boy does. He does come down - for me.

[Silver]

The last couple days I tried my hand at a haiku, but nothing took shape; I did write this - my poetry buddies say that we don't write the poems, the poems write themselves.

Somehow, I know my son likes this one.

Children sit in rows with
Their safety scissors, Elmer's
And construction paper, bits
Of this n that - maybe some cotton balls
To mimic the fluffy clouds in the sky…
Each creation is the same, yet unique.
From the beginning, Johnny sees things
A bit different from Katy. As we grow, our
Preferences do, too. We can be as impressive
To our senses and we ooh and ahh over this
statue, painting, poem depending on
Those preferences. In some countries, we live
Out our lives in relative comfort and ease, while
In others, we're riddled with pestilence, strife
And disease. In yet others, our parents strap suicide
Bombs to our young bodies to fight against oblivion.
Applaud…It's beautiful, clever, and devastating.

[Kaere]

((hugs)) SG...

[Silver]

You know you're always a part of me ~ I love you, Sean.

[Tiss]

Thinking of you.

TISS

[Silver]

This is why I miss you so much, you will always be my treasure, Sean.

[Silver]

Was reading something this morning about another woman who'd lost
her son and made me realize a thing or two - like when Sean passed,
I came to realize that even though I 'knew he was gone,' I was always open
to hear from him, receive a signal from him anytime anyplace, and I did!
(Face in both palms now, going all emo...)

Forever Me, standing at the back porch with the screen door ajar, searching
the horizon, my eyes scanning every inch, to catch a glimpse of his new force.

He died on a Sunday, a Holy day in our culture, in the Christian religion.
Through my son's passing - leaving behind his empty shell, I've begun to see
that every orphan's birth has been rejoiced over, that everyone murdered
in cold blood, everyone who's ever died on the streets adrift and alone,
their passing is honored. I still have my sardonic sense of It All...that's just me.
He died on a Sunday.

Silver ~ 4/14/13

[Silver]

I'm sitting at my computer and it's angled so I can look out my bedroom window - I can look straight at the poinsettia I rescued after Xmas and it's doing so well! I have on my windowsill a Xmas-red-blossomed miniature climbing rose I just bought at Smart & Final - it was so beautiful and had so many blooms and buds I couldn't resist - 1 or 2 days ago, a butterfly approached until it realized there was a window - birds have flown near here, probably thinking it's a nice garden, lol.......well, just moments ago, I saw a butterfly approaching and veer off - but it was the biggest purest white I've ever seen - I thought to myself, Jezus, was that a butterfly?! It was so white (I swear it glowed laser-white) my eyes opened wide and it looked too 'fat' for a typical sulphur butterfly (I wouldn't know the name except I did a report once in Biology in h.s.) - those common yellow or white butterflies small to medium sized - and my son well, he was a big boy.

It's hard not to immediately go there - was that yet another little sign - actually haven't had any lately - except for a sun-like orb last week. I don't know if I've lost it or not, but there 'tis.

I'm rather sure that was him or a sign - who knows how that works or if we're all just imagining this stuff to provide solace to ourselves? It makes one feel a little buggy sometimes, rofl - I just felt a gentle pressure on my left calf and it happened twice in a row, and I had to reach down and feel that area and see what was going on, I have no idea if it's just normal body sensations or what, it's all tantalizingly mysterious.

[Tiss]

Dear Silver,

Signs from our beloved do exist. They want from us to stay in peace until our reunion... as they want to let us know that they are always with us as loving companions...and when we are in front of such signs... oh it's so beautiful... and the ways they use to contact us are so mysterious...

When our faith weakens, dear Silver, when pain seems unafordable, and it often happens, we should think what they want for us: no despair, no pain...just a big love, a big joy of life, and a big hope burning into our hearts.

TISS

[Silver]

I woke up this morning and gently

Started to weep. You see, sometimes

On rare occasions, this will happen and

It's like he's been here to visit me in the

Night. It's been a while since I cried as

Much as now…Been practicing to not cry,

As I sense now, that my son doesn't

Require it,and that yeah, there's another way

To look upon the loss of our bodies. There's

A better way to embrace the release of spirit.

…It's gonna take a while to get it right...