Party, chased by investigators and under siege

[Ladyrose92]

Me and Matt and my family and friends were at a party, investigators were starting to find people. We had to hide, we grabbed our joints and drove home. Me and Matt were in our flat with the windows closed, and the curtains and blinds were all drawn and closed. We could see they were outside looking for us but they didn't know which flat we was in. They were using technology to try and find us but it wasnt working. I asked my step dad and sister Chloe if they could go and get stuff for us from the shop as we would be caught if we went. Chloe was like "why?" But my dad understood why. They went and done it all I think, I don't know if they had brought back stuff or was still out getting it but then I realised the chair wasn't pushed under the front door properly so when I pushed it under the handle, it banged and a man outside shouted "aha" and began to push the door open. I could see him through the gap in the door he had dark brown skin, dark hair but light eyes that stood out against his darker features, and he looked small and slim but was very strong. He was saying that I might as well give up and he was trying to push through the door but I was using all my strength to close the door and I managed to push it shut and was turning the lock on as I woke up.


Before I went to sleep, I was upset that my partner doesn't seem to meet my needs although I meet his all the time. I was sad that no matter what I do, he just ends up thinking about himself most of the time. I was asking God to show me my twin soul. I read something earlier in the day from a tarot reading I done, the meaning of the card was that my twin is separated from me now, and all I can see is the pain I am in now, but if only I could see the future I would know there is nothing to fear. It said about giving your heart at a glance of this twin and not understanding why, but giving your whole heart to them. This really ring true for me, I feel a deep sadness that I am not with the one who is my twin, who will love me no matter what and accept me for who I am, who would delight in all of that. I saw my twin in a vision, I had never felt so much love and depth of knowingness. When I read that tarot I felt a burning all down the back side of me, my head my neck and down my back. I knew this is what I was and had done. I knew this person I saw is who I am destined to be with but it's all so confusing to me because I feel they are in Spirit but what if they aren't. I don't want to upheave my life if it's not going to be, I feel in my heart this will happen, but with what i see now it doesn't seem possible. So I asked for guidance about this matter, I'm not sure if the dream relates to this. I've also had a song stuck in my head, I just heard it at the end of the last sentence, "looking back, over my shoulder, I can see that look in your eyes" Mike and the Mechanics. It's been playing in my head all week.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Mike the Mechanics ~ Over My Shoulder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSmofZRkM58

that song seems to be speaking to the remorse you might feel if you were
to separate from your current partner, and the desire to start over again.

the song that'd come to my mind, in hearing your dream about hiding
from the investigators follows. the idea was of your need to lay your
cards on the table and have nothing to hide.
Steely Dan ~ Do It Again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgYuLsudaJQ

[Ladyrose92]

I do feel like I'm going around in circles and I want to get off the merry go ride!

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by Ladyrose92

I do feel like I'm going around in circles and I want to get off the merry go ride!

there's songs relating to that idea too:
Dionne Warwick ~ Valley of the Dolls theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xKkSSKmjbk

alternatively, if the ride is enjoyable:
The Hollies ~ On a Carousel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CYpQz-0078


it could be that no matter where you go you'll find yourself traveling in circles.
if everything was always completely brand new, where would "familiarity" exist?
the point may be to travel in the (circular) directions that bring you joy, or better
still, the directions that your joy leads you in [the distinction being that you bring
your joy with you, rather than seek to 'extract' it].

[Ladyrose92]

Thank you Horace, love the first song. I only feel like this when I forget that I am love, that I can be loving in any situation and this resolves any issue. So I will embrace this as much as I can and hopefully I will be in a state of peace and love instead of feeling like I'm going around in circles of suffering. I guess this dynamic and experience is created so that one can experience what they do not want, to further know what they do want and then make a choice from that place, knowing who one is and being that love. I guess if I have a circle of a bad choice, I can choose again and experience joy instead with a better choice.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

i'm uncomfortable in leaving you with "guesses" as a basis for going forward.
imagine the situations that you're provided with, through the circumstances
of how life unfolds, as being "food for the soul". if you are finding particular
meals of inedible material being repeatedly served up, you may have a need
to make your desires more clearly known to the chef. i suggest that you not
participate in situations which feel to be 'poisonous' to your development.
let your desires become known to the forces which serve up life to you, and
simply refuse to ingest unhealthy ingredients.
the whole dynamic may be a means for inspiring you to develop some skill
at transforming unpleasantnesses into something worthwhile. you are a
creator-being Ladyrose92; you have immense powers.

[Ladyrose92]

Thank you horace, I was just coming on here to type that when I surrender to God, I feel at peace and I know what to do and that all is well. I get distracted from this trust and don't realise I'm not surrendering until I feel bad again. I start to question where my life is heading and wanting to use my own will to get what I think I want. And this only leads to being unfulfilled. I need to be more patient and allow myself to grow and experience these things so that I may know myself better and co-create for my highest good instead of being pulled into things or thoughts etc that do not serve me. So thank you for your advice it is really helpful, I was still not understanding what to do so I do appreciate what you have said. Food is something I enjoy, so imagining a toxic situation as a rancid cake I can imagine myself walking away and saying "no thank you" haha and if it is something I know I desire I will take it with open arms. I feel I am able to turn any bad feeling into love, I do feel this is part of why I am here, but I am sometimes off track, although it only aids in experience anyway so it is a positive thing to, each time I realise these things it feels deeper and more lasting each time so thank you for your help!

I've started testing my skill at this actually, like today I felt love in my heart and was getting tingles and warmness inside so I sat peacefully and imagined the love permeating the room and everyone in it. I could feel the serenity in the room and everyone seemed to feel it too. I was surprised at how perfect that moment was compared to how it can also be such chaos at other times. But thats probably a reflection of me :)