Twin flame with severe mental illness

[TrulyHere]

Hi,

Has anyone found the same frustration with their twin flame being masked by a mental illness? If so, how are you coping?

Here's the scoop:

I met my twin flame almost a year ago. Of course it was clear we had deep connection right away, but I did not know to what extent. I did not even know what a twin flame was. An interesting twist, I was married at the time of us meeting and he was riding high on life, working on helping others while helping himself by living a clean lifestyle. He has Bipolar 1 and had several months of complete peaceful and optimal living. In fact, he kept telling me we met during the time of his "peak". At the time, this was not something completely understood. Now, looking back, it makes sense.

11 months later, I am now divorced (100% amicably and peaceful), finally beginning to put myself out there as a life worker, and am completely 100% in love with who I now understand is my twin flame. Things have progressed very quickly. While experiencing all of this, he spiraled into a manic episode a couple of months after knowing him and is now in a deep depression. Things have moved so very fast and I feel like we have experienced a lifetime of changes in such a short time frame. He feels the same. He kept saying the timing of us meeting was off, but something in me kept responding with "no, the timing is perfect".

He is not speaking to me at the moment, in fact he's not speaking to anyone in his manic depressive state. It's been several painful months of not speaking to him. I saw him in November and he was miserably depressed. Despite all of this, we have connected through dreams, thoughts, and songs. He is keeping me 'engaged' with anonymous creative writings from a different persona's point of view. It's all very confusing and frustrating, yet I'm still so excited for the future. It's hard to remember that when I obsess over his every little move though. I'm clinging on to any crumb he'll throw me just so we'll have peace here in 3D. It feels like he's playing games, but it's really his illness. I see and feel his purity and light in 5D. A psychic told me to leave him alone and wait for him to contact me which feels good. That way I can focus on getting my own things going which from what I understand will help him? Self love has been a natural focus with all that has happened thank goodness, but it's very hard to focus on when in suffering over this separation.

It makes sense this is all just part of the growth because patience is definitely something I constantly need to work on. I just get in these obsessive moods which are a symptom from feeling him constantly and missing him. I just want to be near him in 3D so bad. I'm continuing to practice seeing beyond the illness and sending him love. OH and the kicker...I want to tell him so badly about this whole twin flame revelation but can't right now. He's not in his right mind. Something tells me he's known longer than me though, he is the more advanced of the two of us when it comes to these sorts of things.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

[leader_of_ten]

Originally posted by TrulyHere

He is not speaking to me at the moment, in fact he's not speaking to anyone in his manic depressive state.

Is that the official diagnosis? Is he under treatment for that condition? Is he medicated? If he comes from an abusive background, chances are that he might not be suffering from manic depression at all, and in fact the medication might be keeping him in that state.

Trauma disorders can present behaviors similar psychiatric illnesses (Bi-Polar Disorder, BPD, NPD) with the mean corollary a potential misdiagnosis, not to mention another stigma being planted in the psyche of the sufferer. Going back to medication, here, it's wallpaper. It keeps the patient in the very same place they need to escape from to get better.

This isn't wind-in-sails. This very thing happened to me. I got railroaded account my parents inability to be honest with themselves and other, plus the fact that the 'help' I got was inept/dirty (see my other posts about The Society of Harmers). It destroyed me. I mean, I was being subjected to hell... but it was my fault, I was the nutty one, and so I ended up dead for a very long time, inside and out.

If you love them, and you really care about their welfare and safety, please consider this.

[TrulyHere]

Thank you for your reply! I really appreciate you sharing, and do want to let you know that it's not a matter of "if" I love him, I do love him and you will likely feel that in my response.

Bipolar 1 is the official diagnosis. He had his first psychosis experience 12 years ago and has been battling a lot of lows since then. I do not like to talk about the medication because everyone's chemistry is different and what works for one person doesn't work for another -- I'm learning. I know you likely understand that, but for anyone else reading this, please do not take this as direction for your own situation. He has been on lithium, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics the past 12 years. He has had tremors in his hand the whole time, along with many other side effects from the medicine. He and his father are students of his disease. They discovered some lifestyle changes that have helped tremendously - anti-inflammatory diet, exercise, and some supplements. When I met him, he was weening off some of the western medicine since he was doing so well. In fact, against the psychiatrist's orders. He thinks that this most recent mania and psychosis was triggered by going off the antipsychotic medicine, which was the first one he dropped. Like a withdrawal of sorts.

On the topic of the mis-diagnosis, before he stopped weening off the drugs, he had consulted with a different doctor who told him he has a form of a hyper focus disorder (can't remember what it's called). I think this gave him some confidence in weening off the meds as well.

Last year, I was supposed to go visit him and enjoy sight seeing where he lives since we live far apart. Instead, I ended up visiting him in a mental hospital while he was experiencing psychosis. He refused to take the medicine and essentially fooled the doctors into thinking he was well to get out. Long story short, he was hospitalized again in a different geographical location and was put back on lithium. That is when he recovered from the mania, but then went into the low depression. He and his Dad made the decision to ween off the lithium so they could start over and try getting back to his holistic methods which have been the best approach so far, so right now his system is completely clear of medications. He is at home with his parents safe. He is eating clean, but his sleep is still lacking and he will not speak to anyone except strangers online. He sends me cryptic writings that are like puzzles, I can tell he's coming out of the dark, but he's having trouble connecting in the brain if you know what I mean. So yeah, now I have become a student of his disease, as well as an enemy. I hate it. I hate he can't find work because of the stigma. I hate he thinks he's not good enough because of the stigma. I hate my friends and family worry about me loving him because of the stigma. The whole thing just frankly sucks, but we (he and I) remain optimistic because he is determined to LIVE.

He would likely agree with you on feeling dead inside and out for a long time.

I will go check out your other posts - thank you again for engaging in this convo, it feels good.

[leader_of_ten]

Originally posted by TrulyHere

Thank you for your reply! I really appreciate you sharing, and do want to let you know that it's not a matter of "if" I love him, I do love him and you will likely feel that in my response.

Bipolar 1 is the official diagnosis. He had his first psychosis experience 12 years ago and has been battling a lot of lows since then. I do not like to talk about the medication because everyone's chemistry is different and what works for one person doesn't work for another -- I'm learning. I know you likely understand that, but for anyone else reading this, please do not take this as direction for your own situation. He has been on lithium, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics the past 12 years. He has had tremors in his hand the whole time, along with many other side effects from the medicine. He and his father are students of his disease. They discovered some lifestyle changes that have helped tremendously - anti-inflammatory diet, exercise, and some supplements. When I met him, he was weening off some of the western medicine since he was doing so well. In fact, against the psychiatrist's orders. He thinks that this most recent mania and psychosis was triggered by going off the antipsychotic medicine, which was the first one he dropped. Like a withdrawal of sorts.

On the topic of the mis-diagnosis, before he stopped weening off the drugs, he had consulted with a different doctor who told him he has a form of a hyper focus disorder (can't remember what it's called). I think this gave him some confidence in weening off the meds as well.

Last year, I was supposed to go visit him and enjoy sight seeing where he lives since we live far apart. Instead, I ended up visiting him in a mental hospital while he was experiencing psychosis. He refused to take the medicine and essentially fooled the doctors into thinking he was well to get out. Long story short, he was hospitalized again in a different geographical location and was put back on lithium. That is when he recovered from the mania, but then went into the low depression. He and his Dad made the decision to ween off the lithium so they could start over and try getting back to his holistic methods which have been the best approach so far, so right now his system is completely clear of medications. He is at home with his parents safe. He is eating clean, but his sleep is still lacking and he will not speak to anyone except strangers online. He sends me cryptic writings that are like puzzles, I can tell he's coming out of the dark, but he's having trouble connecting in the brain if you know what I mean. So yeah, now I have become a student of his disease, as well as an enemy. I hate it. I hate he can't find work because of the stigma. I hate he thinks he's not good enough because of the stigma. I hate my friends and family worry about me loving him because of the stigma. The whole thing just frankly sucks, but we (he and I) remain optimistic because he is determined to LIVE.

He would likely agree with you on feeling dead inside and out for a long time.

I will go check out your other posts - thank you again for engaging in this convo, it feels good.

You're welcome!

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by TrulyHere

Bipolar 1 is the official diagnosis. .

I don't know if you actually had your own therapy to deal with your divorce and your pursuing of Bipolar man who is unable to have a healthy balanced relationship with you in an equal partnership.

Instead of trying to justify your attraction to your Bipolar man through TF, SC, karma or possible past life connections, you have to ground yourself into your human mind and body.
Because you are here to achieve your life mission in your human body and mind.

I believe that there are reason(s) for every major events and relationships in our lives.
He came into your life when you are going through divorce and to perhaps to teach you something about your own self and to explore spiritual aspects of life. - NOT to be your lover or husband.

You can still be his friend (as whatever soul connection it may be) and still love him as a soul friend.

Here is a good link on Bipolar relationship. Check out the comment section at the bottom. There are very good comments from others who have been in relationship with Bipolar. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog...polar-Disorder

I suggest that you read them carefully.

[TheGlow]

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

I don't know if you actually had your own therapy to deal with your divorce and your pursuing of Bipolar man who is unable to have a healthy balanced relationship with you in an equal partnership.

Instead of trying to justify your attraction to your Bipolar man through TF, SC, karma or possible past life connections, you have to ground yourself into your human mind and body.
Because you are here to achieve your life mission in your human body and mind.

I believe that there are reason(s) for every major events and relationships in our lives.
He came into your life when you are going through divorce and to perhaps to teach you something about your own self and to explore spiritual aspects of life. - NOT to be your lover or husband.

You can still be his friend (as whatever soul connection it may be) and still love him as a soul friend.

Here is a good link on Bipolar relationship. Check out the comment section at the bottom. There are very good comments from others who have been in relationship with Bipolar. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog...polar-Disorder

I suggest that you read them carefully.

How do you know what they can and cannot, or should and shouldn't have?

I don't know another's path, and resist labels but obviously she is learning a lot about compassion, and societies judgement against people deserving of love.

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by TheGlow

How do you know what they can and cannot, or should and shouldn't have?

I don't know another's path, and resist labels but obviously she is learning a lot about compassion, and societies judgement against people deserving of love.

There is a fine line between compassion and codependency.
I love few mentally ill people in my life and I help them with compassion when I can.
So love them but don't become Codependent and signing up to be their lifetime caregiver.

[TrulyHere]

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

There is a fine line between compassion and codependency.
I love few mentally ill people in my life and I help them with compassion when I can.
So love them but don't become Codependent and signing up to be their lifetime caregiver.

Thank you very much for your time in responding with your perspective. You share the same perspective that most people do in my life, which is completely logical and the concern is appreciated.

To answer your question, I am mentally ill myself. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and have been through cognitive behavioral therapy. I went through talk therapy with my ex-husband during our divorce and talked with the therapist after. I'm currently practicing energetic healing which has been far more effective for me as an empath. I am familiar with NAMI and spoke with support via text there when he was manic. I've been to an online family and friends support group via bphope - believe me, my priority is myself. Unfortunately, I am experiencing the stigma that he has made me aware of now by being someone who loves someone bipolar. Believe me, my mind and logic have done everything to debunk this -- that's a super power of anxiety to a fault and for the first time in my life, I can't run away from it out of fear. It's drawing me closer in. I've learned more from this experience about myself and self-love than I did in 16 years of marriage. And it was a beautiful, peaceful marriage. I was stuck. My creativity is back, unconditional love is something I've never truly felt until now, and I'm not afraid to defend things I'm passionate about anymore - this stigma and assumption that I do not love him for the right reasons is one of them. I'm doing my best to stay grounded without derailing the path I'm setting for myself. He is part of the path. Yes, I might end up being a caretaker for him, but you what? He will also be a caretaker for me and there's nothing wrong with that -- this is not what leads our connection. He was well when we met, and I felt just as close to him. I am energized from this and not drained. I'm at peace also if we do not end up romantic partners and just soul friends. There's no right or wrong here, but in the moment, I put out there how I feel which is what it is. Nobody can convince me otherwise, I just need to make sure I'm taking care of myself which is why I wanted to share this and develop a support system of the spiritual sort.

[Ziusudra]

He will also be a caretaker for me

This is an expectation that needs to be set free 100%.

As a BP1 who has been in & out of psych inpatient units due to med incompliance and in denial of the fact that he needs to be on BP med for life, he will struggle with just taking care of himself.
You will have to find other resources if you ever need emotional or physical care from another person.

It seems that you don't even live near him so you do not really know him physically.
Next time when he goes into either manic or severe depression stage, go to him and witness it by being next to him.
It is a very scary condition to witness if you are not trained to handle such conditions.
Then you decide what you are getting into.

Your love for him has to be unconditional without any expectations.

[Ziusudra]

.........dup