Meditation to heal the wounded heart

[JessVetTech]

Without making this a sad post, I will trying to briefly ask my question. My spouse has struggled with depression for a long time now. Her whole family on her father’s side, including her father passed away when she was a bit younger. She carries that with her always and I feel it is why she holds onto anger and a lot of her depression. She does meditation every now and again, exercise is a big one for her.. but she also hasn’t delved as deep as I have into reading. I guess my question is, anyone of you out there struggle with something similar? Are there steps you have taken to help your heart heal? I don’t think there is some sure fire way to necessarily cure all the pain she feels but I definitely believe there is something she can do to help heal herself. I just need some guidance and wisdom to pass onto her, because I know this is something she must want for herself. I feel like meditation can really help, but would have to be more than just sitting and listening to an app that helps guide (not saying those don’t work). I just want her to be able to let go of some of the pain she feels. Her last family member from her dad’s side passed almost 9 yrs ago and I know she holds blame to herself for not visiting anymore, etc.. but there must be something right? Some sort of path I can mention to her that she may seek in her own? Once again, was trying to make this light as possible, not trying to make a dark or sad post at all here, just in need of some good advice from you great people. I hope this subject doesn’t offend any of you; promise I’m not trying to cross any lines here!

[iamthat]

I am sorry to hear that your spouse is going through such a hard time. Depression is horrible. I suspect that meditation would not be easy for her, because that means she is sitting alone with just her depression for company.

My personal belief is that depression is linked to suppressed pain and grief, and it sounds as if your spouse is carrying plenty of pain. I am not sure if she needs any path or practice, what she needs is to connect with all the internal pain and release it.

You also mention anger - perhaps she feels angry at God/ the universe for taking away her family. Maybe she also feels anger at her family for all leaving her, and perhaps she feels abandoned, which may trigger off all sorts of childhood issues. This is all speculation, but in the end most of us face the same issues, just in a different context.

One option for your spouse is to relax, embrace her feelings and let out all those unshed tears. She may cry for days, weeks, or even longer, but at the end she will feel better. She may even have moments of catharsis when some huge block suddenly shifts and she feels lighter and freer.

And she may resist connecting with whatever painful experiences lie within, but we reach a point where resistance causes more pain than the original pain we are resisting. And suddenly we realise that all this pain is just energy flowing through us.

I wish you both well.

Peace.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by JessVetTech

Without making this a sad post, I will trying to briefly ask my question. My spouse has struggled with depression for a long time now. Her whole family on her father’s side, including her father passed away when she was a bit younger. She carries that with her always and I feel it is why she holds onto anger and a lot of her depression. She does meditation every now and again, exercise is a big one for her.. but she also hasn’t delved as deep as I have into reading. I guess my question is, anyone of you out there struggle with something similar? Are there steps you have taken to help your heart heal? I don’t think there is some sure fire way to necessarily cure all the pain she feels but I definitely believe there is something she can do to help heal herself. I just need some guidance and wisdom to pass onto her, because I know this is something she must want for herself. I feel like meditation can really help, but would have to be more than just sitting and listening to an app that helps guide (not saying those don’t work). I just want her to be able to let go of some of the pain she feels. Her last family member from her dad’s side passed almost 9 yrs ago and I know she holds blame to herself for not visiting anymore, etc.. but there must be something right? Some sort of path I can mention to her that she may seek in her own? Once again, was trying to make this light as possible, not trying to make a dark or sad post at all here, just in need of some good advice from you great people. I hope this subject doesn’t offend any of you; promise I’m not trying to cross any lines here!

I think your most powerful role is being the one who supports and loves them as they are. I believe that is your role and it's the best thing you can do, which no one else can.

[Unseeking Seeker]

***

The negativity is owing to association or attachment with the consciousness contracting thoughts of guilt, anger, frustration, remorse and the like.

All that is external is transient. Attachment to the transience brings about sorrow. It may be a person or an object of desire.

This state stems from ignorance. However, form is what we see, so it appears to be the only reality. So what do we do? Let us look at the situation :

Within the family all love each other. Where love is there is no judgment. We all, who love each other ... what do we want ... what else other than to see the joy in the hearts and laugher on the lips of those we love? Is it not so?

Our child did something wrong. So what? We still love the child unconditionally. But no ... the child feels an unnatural guilt and becomes sad. It is unnatural & harmful to all involved. Seeing the child, we too become sad. Is that what we as the child want? To make the parent sad?

Let us not judge anyone, including ourselves. This form, this body, is temporary and perishable. The soul lives eternally. Radiate love. Always. Let go of contraction. Embrace love expansion.

Unless we wish to suffer and make our loved ones suffer.

***

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Unseeking Seeker

The negativity is owing to association or attachment with the consciousness contracting thoughts of guilt, anger, frustration, remorse and the like.

All that is external is transient. Attachment to the transience brings about sorrow. It may be a person or an object of desire.

This state stems from ignorance. However, form is what we see, so it appears to be the only reality.

This may be true but I wonder how helpful it is for someone who is struggling with depression. If we hit our thumb with a hammer then we can tell ourselves that the thumb is not real and the pain is transient, but it still hurts.

On our personal journey there seem to be times when we rest in detached witnessing, observing the flow of sewage beneath, and then there are times when we have to jump in there with a shovel and start shovelling.

Peace.

[Unseeking Seeker]

Originally Posted by iamthat

This may be true but I wonder how helpful it is for someone who is struggling with depression. If we hit our thumb with a hammer then we can tell ourselves that the thumb is not real and the pain is transient, but it still hurts.

On our personal journey there seem to be times when we rest in detached witnessing, observing the flow of sewage beneath, and then there are times when we have to jump in there with a shovel and start shovelling.

Peace.

***

True and thanks for pointing out, I stand corrected

***

Originally Posted by JessVetTech

I guess my question is, anyone of you out there struggle with something similar? Are there steps you have taken to help your heart heal?

Yes.

The heart can heal, but I think it takes time and guidance. Perhaps she can read some books: Pema Chodron "When Things Fall Apart" or Ajahn Sumedho "Now is the Knowing".

JL

[happy soul]

Originally Posted by JessVetTech

Without making this a sad post, I will trying to briefly ask my question. My spouse has struggled with depression for a long time now. Her whole family on her father’s side, including her father passed away when she was a bit younger. She carries that with her always and I feel it is why she holds onto anger and a lot of her depression. She does meditation every now and again, exercise is a big one for her.. but she also hasn’t delved as deep as I have into reading. I guess my question is, anyone of you out there struggle with something similar? Are there steps you have taken to help your heart heal? I don’t think there is some sure fire way to necessarily cure all the pain she feels but I definitely believe there is something she can do to help heal herself. I just need some guidance and wisdom to pass onto her, because I know this is something she must want for herself. I feel like meditation can really help, but would have to be more than just sitting and listening to an app that helps guide (not saying those don’t work). I just want her to be able to let go of some of the pain she feels. Her last family member from her dad’s side passed almost 9 yrs ago and I know she holds blame to herself for not visiting anymore, etc.. but there must be something right? Some sort of path I can mention to her that she may seek in her own? Once again, was trying to make this light as possible, not trying to make a dark or sad post at all here, just in need of some good advice from you great people. I hope this subject doesn’t offend any of you; promise I’m not trying to cross any lines here!

She might not want or be ready to let go. A powerful way to heal is to not try to 'get rid of' the suffering, but to just know that it's very okay to grieve all you need to.

I'm saying, it's best to just allow yourself to grieve and not make any effort to overcome the suffering.

That's the therapeutic approach to healing.