Just having a rough time, realizing how short life is.

[sunflwrdanzr]

2 weeks ago on Sunday, our family dog was found by me in the back yard unable to move his hind legs or stand, so he had to be put down and he was only 6 and it just hit me so hard. Then a week later, I find out that my oldest child's biological father died back in October and I had no clue, so I was in complete shock, still am. We had a very tumultuous relationship. He was bi-polar and had substance abuse problems (found out yesterday that he accidentally overdosed on something is what killed him. He was only 33.) and there was a lot of co-dependency and abuse in our relationship. I still somehow did love him back when we were together. He threatened me a couple times and wasn't even living in the same state when our son was born, so after him seeing him one time when he was 6 months old, I cut off communication and terminated his rights a few years later when my first husband adopted my son. My son knows all this and has never really shown interest in knowing him and really wasn't all that torn up that he won't ever get to know him when I told him about his death. He would like to know his sibling we know about and grandmother, aunt, and uncles. I just don't know how to even make contact with them. I mean, I know their facebook pages would be easiest, but I don't know what kind of stories have been told about me over the years (because I've heard a couple that were so not true from mutual acquaintances...) and even though he looks just like his dad and their family, they may deny him. I ended things bad with his mom and sister last we talked 11 or so years ago I know and his sister was my son's age 13 back then. Even these people mean something to me as he and I were together for 5 years so I spent a lot of time with them. I lived with them a couple different times. I feel this pull to try and reach out. I had a mutual friend send an approved by me message to one of the brothers to "feel him out" about all this but she hasn't heard back though he read it, so i dunno. I just want to leave the past in the past ya know? Start a new for him. And despite all the bad that happened between us, I am so sad that this is how the story ended. I thought I'd at least have to deal with him, contact him for our son, see him one more time in a few years maybe and it's hard that that will never happen. I feel guilty about the time I couldn't be there for him when his dad died and he reached out to me and that my son never got to at least meet him and make his own judgments. I do need to try and talk to these people sometime because of medical history. My son has a genetic skin disorder that we don't know where it came from and his other son had cancer at one year old and his dad died from it in his 50's. Plus just the whole mental illness. I just can't get over how I wished so many times for him to just go away (not die of course!) but now I can't just brush it off and feel at ease like I thought I would. It's really effecting, hurting and getting to me. I actually miss him myself and wish I could have one last chance to say goodbye. Thank you for letting me just get my thoughts out. Wasn't really sure where else to do that...

[Frederick33]

hi much hardship and so close around

you say

'wish I could have one last chance to say goodbye'

such wishes can be granted


much love and light to you and those around you

[nummi]

I wouldn't say an average life of 150 years is short... Though to reach that age you do need to have your diet right - this is an absolute necessity, otherwise you will die young one way or another, or will not have a life worth mentioning.
75 years is the true middle age, not old age.

And age does not make one weak or sick. How you live, and how and what you think, and primarily what you eat makes you weak and sick.

Personally, I'm 24, and I know I will live at least 100 years more, probably longer. Life's not short if you know what you're doing.

Worrying over life is another thing that makes life short. Don't worry, but live. Have a life, not a suffering.

[Native spirit]

Have you thought of having counselling? this could help you put things in their place and allow you to move forward in your life.life is short for a lot of people and to long for others, I lost my husband at the age of 44. life is very unfair but nobody said it was easy.you have got to make the most of the time you have got , I can empathise with how you feel.but I do think counselling is the way to go here.

Namaste