Hello wise ones. I'm new here and apologize in advance for the length of this.
I have some questions regarding TF's that I hope those with more experience and knowledge in the matter might be able to help me understand. I'm confused by the TF experience (if indeed, that's what it was), trying very hard to accept the seemingly prolonged breakup we're going through, and stop running away from the pain.
I've not experienced this intense, 'real' energy connection with another human being before (I have with animals, though, both domestic and wild), certainly not with anyone in the 'soul mate' category, past or present, though I'm not exactly a novice in matters of the heart.
This is decidedly unchartered waters for me.
He and I didn't share the 'synchronicity' of 11:11 that so many seem to view as 'proof positive' of a TF union. Our only synchronicity, in that respect, being that he was born on the 5th day of the third month, and I was born on the 5th day of the fifth month.
Nor were either of us entangled in other relationships when we met. We live in separate States. We've had dreams about each other, heard each other call our names at random times (not over the phone) and could tangibly feel and know what the other was thinking and feeling whenever we weren't in contact.
From the moment we met, he uttered words that had never before been spoken to me: “You are the other half of my soul”.
Our meeting kicked off a series of intensely vivid dreams, mostly of me working as a shaman, transforming into animals (I knew nothing of shamans, either, when the dreams began and had to do some research into the subject).
Despite him being Y-Gen (23) and me a Baby Boomer (shocking, isn't it?), he's a great deal more 'mature' than I am, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. At times, I could almost swear he's thrice my age.
He's forgotten more schools of spirituality and religious thought, global politics, economics and world history, than I will ever care to know in my entire lifetime (having digested all of Tolstoy's published works before he was 10 years old).
He's also fluent in half a dozen languages, and is a lone, practising Druid, with a heart to help a hurting world, one person at a time.
I, on the other hand, would sooner escape this world (indeed, I live a hermit's life, 'far from the madding crowd') than try to help what seems beyond help. I feel the weight of negatives in the world, the negatives of people's thinking processes, too intensely when I'm near crowds of people; it was dragging me down so such an extent, that I fled to deep countryside to live.
We're startling alike, yet more different than two people could possibly be.
Squabbling erupted. Or rather, 'baulking'. I did a lot of baulking. His patience with said 'baulking' was nothing short of miraculous, as he tried so very hard to teach me and help me heal myself, whilst I worked so very hard at vehemently rejecting it all, for fear of the 'real' me being exposed.
Inevitably, it spelled the beginning of the end. I failed to see the bigger picture...and believe I broke his heart in the process. My ego got in the way of something so amazing, so 'sacred', even as I was shocked by it's venom and ferocity. It was like watching a movie about someone else.
I seemed ill-prepared to stand in front of a long-locked door and watch it being opened by someone else – at which point, a closet full of fears and insecurities (some of which I wasn't aware existed) came tumbling out, all but burying me beneath them.
Ego immediately began doing what ego does best: defending, protecting and justifying every last one of them, like a lion with her cubs. Pretty ugly stuff.
Things cooled rapidly between us after that (over the past 12 months) and he's since moved in with a female friend (soul mate?). Our contact is almost non-existent now. He told me once that he would sooner cut me loose than hurt me, and that's what he's done. He said he felt that reaching out to me was only causing me more pain, and he couldn't live with that.
Our 'link', that ability to 'feel' each other, is fading rapidly (for both of us) and I can't begin to describe how distressing that is, never having experienced it before. I don't know whether he's also finding it distressing, I only know that he recently said that, like me, he's losing the ability to see or feel me as well he used to.
It's like watching a heart monitor slow to a flat-line.
For the first time in my life, I'm doing my best not to run away from soul-destroying pain, but I truly don't know whether it's the result of an infantile part of me desperately fighting what the ego sees as 'rejection', or whether it's my Higher Self trying to tell me that riding through the pain is actually the quickest – and most healing - way over the 'mountain'.
My questions are: When TF's break up, is it because they weren't genuinely TF's to begin with?
Why would two halves of the same soul unite when one is so severely underdeveloped?
From my limited understanding, TF's tend only to come together when they're both ready and perhaps only have a few minor hiccups to work through before they achieve their combined 'destiny' in the world? (which seemed to adequately explain to me why TF unions are considered so 'rare', because so few are at, or close to, the same level as each other).
I
want to understand this. I don't know whether, as Florence Scovel Shinn wrote in her book 'Your Word is Your Wand' (recently given to me), we were merely 'signs of land' for each other, and not the actual 'land' itself, or whether we were, indeed, Twin Flames, but knowing me, I've got a-hold of the wrong end of the stick.
Normally, I'd listen to my 'gut' and heart, but as this is a situation I've no experience with, confusion seems to be drowning them out. Also, there's a genuine fear of deluding myself.
I would dearly appreciate the opinions and thoughts of others who are experienced and knowledgeable in this matter than I am...and apologize again for this being so long.
Thank you so much for your patience if you've read this far.
MorningMist
Hybrid Mode
