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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 26-08-2016, 02:39 PM
LionRising LionRising is offline
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Am I projecting or have I found my Twin?

Sorry in advance, but I think this could get a little long. I'm going to very much try to give the 'reader's digest' version, though....


So, when I was a little girl, I went to preschool with a boy and I instantly felt something about him. I don't remember much from that preschool, but I remember him. We have a class photo and for years, I would be drawn to his face in the picture. I couldn't even remember his name and I hadn't seen him since I was four years old, but I just could not stop staring at him. Sometimes, I would dream about him, but as a child, my dreams weren't as clear as they are, now. When I was fifteen years old, I was having a conversation with my cousin about a boy at her school she had a crush on. During this conversation, I heard a voice come to me and say, "You will go to this school, next year, you will be cast as his girlfriend in the school play, and you will fall in love with each other." I didn't think anything of it, at the time, because she went to a private school and I had no interest in going there, also, I didn't even know who this boy was that my cousin was crushing on.

Well, a few months later, my mother informed me that I would be switching to my cousin's private school for my sophomore year. I tried out for the school play early on and I was given the role as the girlfriend of the main character. On the first day of rehearsals, I met the man who was to play the main character, my on-stage boyfriend ....the man my cousin had a crush on the year before and, as it turned out, the little boy from the photo, the boy I had gone to preschool with. I was dumbfounded. The next year, we had so many "magical" things happen between us. When we looked at each other, there was tunnel vision, everything went black except for the two of us. We both seemed to know each other and the way he looked at me and spoke to me, I knew he felt something, too. One day, he worked up the courage to ask me to his senior prom, but because of the school rules, I wasn't allowed to go (he thought I was a junior; sophomores weren't allowed to go to the prom). So, he ended up going with someone else and as usually happens in a high school setting, the girl you take to prom ends up being the girl you date. I didn't see much of him after that.

Over the next two years, after he left for college, I saw him three more times. Each time, when I entered the room, he would make a beeline for me and we found ourselves back in that same magical place, where everything disappeared but the two of us. We shared intense conversations about life and spirituality, but we never had a physical relationship, as I was dealing with serious trauma from my childhood and I was not available to anyone in that way. I was nineteen years old, the last time I saw him.

Time went on and a lot of things happened in my life. I was a very confused and disturbed individual for a few years, having been half-spiritually awakened, but stalled in my journey, and continuing to endure abuse from my mother. One day, I gave in to a man I met at a party and I ended up becoming pregnant. During my pregnancy, I would dream about the man from my high school. In my dreams, he would find us later in my child's life (anywhere from three years old to eight years old) and he felt it was his responsibility to care for us. He felt a kinship with my son, as though it should have been his child, and we found ourselves finally together. After my son was born, the dreams ended for a while. I was struggling to find the father of my child, though I felt no real connection toward him, as he was a stranger.

Well, when my son was three years old, I finally found his father. He came to my home to speak with me, and when I opened the door to let him in, I felt a wave come over me, like electricity running through my body, and my demeanor went from nervous and terrified to see him, again, to suddenly feeling calm and at ease in his presence. We spoke about our son and he was amazingly understanding. He looked at me the way only one man had ever looked at me, before, and he held me and the world disappeared around us. I prayed and meditated a great deal and felt strongly that the father of my child was my twin flame. It's a feeling I still struggle to shake. However, my son's father abandoned us two weeks later and has refused to have contact with us for the past two years. To make matters worse, he's married. So, I am trying to move on, but I do wonder if he is my twin. I prayed for a sign or for closure, and literally the day after praying, the child support office called to tell me that no one by the name he gave me exists in my state. So, all this time, the father of my child had been lying. I knew it was the universe telling me to let go (aside from the fact that, the very last time I saw him, when he walked out the door, I heard a voice say, "You will never see him, again..."). It's been very difficult, because a part of me still believes he is my twin, but it's clear I cannot have him and that he didn't really want me or our son or to share any life together. And as time went on, I started to wonder if I was just projecting all of this onto him because he was the father of my child and the only man I'd been physically intimate with. Maybe he wasn't anything more than a sperm donor and a charismatic man who tricked me into believing he was a good person, just long enough to plan his disappearance from our lives.


I was so fixated on this man for the past two years, so certain he was my twin and if I just continued to meditate and call to him, he'd eventually show up. But interesting things have happened ...the more I meditate for my twin and the more I look to my dreams for answers, especially in the past six months, the more I see the man from high school, the man who I had given up on a long time ago, as it's been almost ten years since we've seen each other and he's married, as well, now. I keep telling my brain and soul, "No, you cannot go there. He's married and he was just a high school crush. This is silly...." but for the past month, I've dreamed about him almost every single night. The more I try to call to my son's father as my twin flame, the more the man from high school appears to me. So, could the man from high school be my twin flame? Is he coming to me, again, because I'm so actively calling to my twin? I am making the call, expecting someone else (my son's father) to answer, but it would seem that the number I'm dialing, if you will, belongs to the man from high school.


Either way, it doesn't really matter. Both men are married and neither man is in my life. But it would be nice to find clarity and maybe if I can understand who each of these men is to my soul, I can help myself move on as neither man is an option for me to spend my life with, since they're both taken. But I struggle to let go and move on when I still cannot make sense of who they are to my soul.

Thoughts? Advice? Get over myself?
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  #2  
Old 26-08-2016, 03:21 PM
MissTetley MissTetley is offline
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Hi,
It sounds as though the father of your son is what has been described as a false twin. There are other names for this connection and some people don't believe in them but I do because prior to meeting my real twin and when I still knew nothing of any of this kind of thing, I met someone who I had some odd experiences with which ended up being similar to things I experienced with my real twin but which, with the false twin were negative and controlling and included lying to me and me seeing him lie to others for no good reason other than .. as he put it... it doesn't always do to tell them everything, about the person he was talking to.

It seems to be, in my case anyway, a way of making me stronger and feeling able to walk away even though I had come to rely on him quite a bit due to the way he had created the impression that I couldn't do without him.
It was after a particularly nasty lie about something which mattered a great deal to me that I was able to let him go the next time he 'punished' me by remaining out of contact. I just let it carry on and on.

During this period of him lying to me which I didn't know he was at the time... I heard a message in my mind tell me to 'let him do it'. Which was to let him continue with his promise he'd made and it was in doing that, that I discovered he had been lying for the hell of it and was actually enjoying seeing me so needy of him.

So I think your real twin is the guy from high school and that your feelings for the father of your son are a result of the role the false twin played in your life.
It's all part of the process in my experience.
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  #3  
Old 26-08-2016, 04:36 PM
The Taoist The Taoist is offline
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Hello' Lionrising:








It does not appear that either on of the individuals mentioned are Twin Flames.

But, it is clear that.....both were/are aspects of your Soul, what may be called Soul mates or soul family members.

And that....it is often quite easy for us, as humans, to fixate on those higher aspects of the Divine, as that..is where we have originally come from and in that.....once we arrive at our destination....whether that be Earth or another planet or dimensional destination.....we often feel the need or desire to...."GO BACK HOME".

Your present time line / lifetime is one of great accomplishment and 'spiritual' significance, as you appear to be quite the powerful and noble master of sagacity and healing potency.

I honor that strength and essence in you.



It is suggested that....you release and "LET GO" of this ego-drama and simply....live your life to the fullest as you walk down that pathway of learning.






In Light & Strength Taoist
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  #4  
Old 26-08-2016, 07:08 PM
LionRising LionRising is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 9
 
Thank you both for your comments. I had wondered if I was fixating on each man because I wanted to believe I already knew who my twin was, or rather, already knew that my twin was in my life, I just wasn't sure which man he was. The idea that my twin is neither man had occurred to me, but I was afraid to admit it, because it's scary to think I haven't met him, yet. I mean, I guess on one hand, it's freeing to think my twin could still arrive in my life, as it would seem I have no future with either of these men, but it also leaves me a bit anxious.

It also makes me question my own judgement, that I thought both of them could be a twin, at different points in my life. I never wanted to be someone who thinks that every man she meets is her twin flame, but these two men really confused me and the connections I shared with them felt genuine and both led to spiritual awakening for me. I suppose that would make sense if they are part of my soul family, that they each pushed me along in my journey and made me desire to meditate more and to focus on my spiritual growth, which I suppose is the point of having a soul family.

Thank you, again. I have much to think about, now. Or, perhaps, I don't. If neither seems to be my twin, I guess my life just opened up quite a bit and I can stop thinking about how to get back to either of them, and focus on moving forward and preparing myself for my true twin. I'm glad I was able to run this situation by people who can be objective. Everyone else I've talked to about this knows the men in question, so we all sort of wanted one or the other to be my twin. This is enlightening, though.
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  #5  
Old 26-08-2016, 07:30 PM
Awakened Queen Awakened Queen is offline
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I think you want to find your twin, and everything that type of union represents to you, so badly that you're trying to pin that label on anybody in your life you may have felt connected to. What you are seeking is inside you. Once you find the love within yourself, you will naturally attract that physical love. When we look outside ourselves for love, it eludes us until we do.
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"Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know." - Pema Chodron
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