What was the lesson to learn?

[HartOfPixie]

I'm 24 and I met two guys and each time, the exact same scenario happened. I met the first guy in 2010 and the second in 2013. It's as though the story with guy #1 is repeating itself with guy #2.


Guy #1

=> Met online September 2010. Talked for a month. Had to reschedule our first meeting 3 times due to external circumstances. Finally met him after 2 months. Had a great date but had to reschedule the next date 3 times again because I had a medical condition and he didn't know about. He cut me off and then I tried getting in touch with him again in February 2011. Went on a date on February 15th, that's when we had our first kiss. Then we went on another date but he didn't treat me properly and acted inappropriately and later told me he didn't want a relationship with me. I kept chasing but he kept pushing me away until he blatantly ignored me. I disappeared from his life (changed number, FB...). He came back 8 months later after I had moved away to tell me I was the best thing he's ever had and he'd be willing to try a LDR.

Guy #2

=> Met him on same website April 2013. Talked for a month. Had to reschedule 3 times due to college. Finally met him after a month. Amazing attraction! He then rescheduled our date 3 times (!) until I told him I was done with him in July! He came back in February with a heartfelt apology. Went on a date with him on February 23rd (date lasted 8 hours). Amazing chemistry. We had an amazing first kiss. Then we went on another date the week after and like guy #1 he acted rude and inappropriate. I contacted him afterwards and it became clear he wasn't looking for a relationship with me. I kept chasing but he kept ignoring me. I then told him it's obvious we're not looking for the same thing, wished him the best and disappeared like I did with guy #1. Now this guy is moving away, so am I (like in the first scenario).

Not sure if the LDR aspect will repeat itself like it happened with guy #1, but these can't be mere coincidences!


However, I don't understand the lesson I had to learn. What do you think was my lesson?

[Ascension]

The lesson to me is , quit those websites
Love can not really be trigger . There is many good
Stories out there with dating websites but...
It might not be for you !!!

[Clover]

People set a standard from the very begging on how they choose to be treated. Imo,you need to set a standard on what you will or will not accept.When you meet someone,tell them what you want and what your looking for. Some men or women aren't looking for a relationship and that should be respected as much as someone who is looking for a coupled relationship.

Also, if websights aren't working I would stop with that. Perhaps,look for singles in your area that are easily reachable.Go out more to events in the area..

You're looking for a lasting relationship online, and that's going to lead to tribulation. The spark, the flame, the happiness... None of it can last when you look for love in the wrong place. Try the real world. It's difficult for a reason, you can't avoid the difficulty. Try to avoid it and it will chase you down and bite you three times as hard as it would have if you would have just let it nip you in the first place.


Lesson: don't look for love online

[BriarRose]

I agree with the good advice you have received. Human attraction is really complex, obviously. Two people may share interests, but the physical component has to be there. I have a story related to on-line meetings. My son is married to a woman that a friend of his met on-line. The three of them met for coffee. My son was a "tag along". My sweet daughter-in-law and the friend weren't "attracted" at all, even though the on-line chemistry was good. She and my son, however, were "meant" to be, and have been married for nine years. Go to some events you are interested in, and give some "real" guys a chance! Good luck, and hugs!

The experience is definitely trying to make you look at something. You do seem to have expectations when it comes to relationships- maybe you should look at these and ask yourself what you really want- are you attracting something which is wrong for you? Do you actually not trust the online aspect? Ask yourself lots of questions and try a different tack- maybe you'd feel better meeting face to face from the beginning and why after the first kiss do things go pear-shaped? Perhaps you are harbouring a fear? Questions are the only way to find anything...

It sounds like you're trying too hard to make these dates turn into relationships when both men are clearly giving you signals that they're not interested in that. The fact that they were rude and inappropriate signals that the only thing they wanted was of a sexual nature. If that's not what you were looking for you should have cut it off right then. I'm curious as to why you continued to pursue both men after they acted that way?

[joyfirst]

The lesson is : stop dating people who are not very interested in you, and even more so, people, who treat you rude. Why would you want to be in LTR with someone like that anyway? Being free without them is so much better.