Spoken Truth, Forceful Demands in Workplace and Shunning

[TXGemini]

Hi all -

I am a very honest person and speaking the truth gets me in trouble a lot, especially at work in the last two and a half years. Seemingly people are allowed to say anything to me but I'm not allowed to speak the truth.

Most of the time the truth revolves around work dumping from other people or other departments that are not my direct supervisor. I'm supposed to be a good worker and take what is dumped on me and not speak up for myself.

When I do speak up for myself, I physically, emotionally, and mentally feel better compared to when I hold it in and then I get sick, but my bosses don't care other than the work gets done.

This week, there was a conference call about an event for the company next month and an AVP brought up the topic that wants one of the star workers by a local TV station but she wanted me to make sure this worker would be on time for the interview if it happens. I am an executive, not this workers assistant and not in this workers department though we share space.

I made a flippant comment that we would have to tell the worker to come at least an hour earlier since she always runs late. The worker's daughter was on the call and sent me an e-mail demanding an apology (she just starting working for the company about 2 months ago). What I said is true, I've waited for 30 minutes for the worker in order to start a meeting. Leadership have started meetings without her, because she's running late.

First of all, I should have never been asked the question. I have nothing to do with this worker. But they expect me to say "yes, of course, I will do it" I'm tired of being treated like everyone's nanny, babysitter, nursemaid, au pair. I work just like everyone else the company, and have been there longer than everyone on the conference call but they treat me like their housekeeper or maid. I even have more education than them. Mostly what they want are my ideas and approval...if the president likes them, they claim them as their own (they are the president's favorites), if she doesn't they blame the items on me. I fell out of favor with the president a few months ago. This is the president's second year, and I'm the only one left from the 'old' regime.

I am ready to leave. A lot of people that started with me have left the company because they cannot take the new leadership and the new employees who boss the experienced employees even though they aren't their supervisors and dump work on the experience employees.

The daughter told the mom something, what I don't know but the mom and her clique in the office are shunning me. It does not bother me, I don't care if they talk to me or not. I am at the office to work and not make friends. My friends have already left or retired.

I'm looking for a better paying job, I haven't had a raise in 4 years and I get no respect. So, how do I keep the negative energy and vibes at bay?

[Native spirit]

You are being treated like the scape goat because of your Honesty.

I can relate to this totally I had it done to me when I was younger.

until I said you are so full of your own self importance,you cant see the truth

with my partingshot I turned around and said lets see who the court decides is lying.

I tell you one thing the grovelling they all did was unbelievable.

I still walked away then one of the people wanted me to give her a reference for a better job,

I had fun filling that out I can tell ya,


Namaste

I think you have the right attitude: if something has to be said and people don't like it, too bad. Be aloof yourself if there's a comeback. However, it's worth trying to temper "truth" with some diplomacy if that's possible - may not always be - and be ready to be apologetic or and/offer some positive note if you can. An honest opinion or fact can usually be presented in various ways, sometimes as if you're trying to be helpful. Tact is the key, though, and learning to live with the occasional frustration.

[Flatworld Crusades]

I'm sorry to read of your struggles at work.

Let's assume that for the length of time you will still work there that the negative energy will persist. Any plan to change their behaviour would be lengthy, difficult and frustrating. Given that, a strategy to lessen their toxicity on you might give you some breathing space.

One thing to look for is how the situation is affecting you. Victims of bullying and abuse will of often take on negative behaviour in order to retaliate. Should this be the case the your awareness could be compromised in dealing with them.

This is just a small idea to try and save you some emotional drama.

[inavalan]

I assume you're aware that a better paying job might not be a better place of work. You'll have to find a new place, but you'll also have to compromise and adapt.

For now, you might want to try addressing your current situation with a two-pronged approach:

1. Watch your experience from an external observer's point of view. You won't feel affected in the same way, and that will allow you to dissociate from the problem experience, and effect change.

2. Define your experience as volitional instead of outside your control. Move the responsibility for change from the third person to the first person. In that way you acknowledge that you can change it. The experience doesn't happen to you; it is the result of how you choose to react to stimuli.

PS: Honesty is as good as its application in context.

[iamthat]

You say that you are a very honest person and you speak the truth, which can cause you difficulties at work.

How do you come across to others? Are you seen as plain-speaking and the points you raise are valid? Or do you come across as abrasive and confrontational?

In other words, does the fault lie with the new management or with you, or perhaps a combination of both? I ask this because you may find a better job elsewhere only to find the same issues coming up, because there is something within you that needs to be addressed.

Just considering this subject from a different perspective.

Peace.

[Shivani Devi]

I am unable to work because "office politics" drive me to make attempts on my own life.

However, in that situation (and in all situations) I would just keep my head down, do my job and only communicate with my direct supervisor...nobody else!

If people from other departments want to dump extra work on my desk..."did you run all this past my boss first? because I only get paid to do what HE/SHE says, I'm sorry".

Eventually, jealous coworkers will end up getting you fired though...it always happens when you stop bribing them with favours or money to keep your job.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by iamthat

How do you come across to others? Are you seen as plain-speaking and the points you raise are valid? Or do you come across as abrasive and confrontational?

In other words, does the fault lie with the new management or with you, or perhaps a combination of both?

Thank you iamthat for you feedback. This post is in response to the questions in your post.

I have always come across as friendly, extroverted, and knowledgeable about the company. When I speak, I speak from both factual and historical point of view, but not abrasive and confrontational.

In fact, the president has stated that I am not forceful enough when I speak. The president told me that she like the personality of another female colleague who has absolutely no filter and she if very blunt/aggressive with her speech.

I've always tried to be helpful, but now I have more responsibilities and when I say that I can't take on extra work it is forced on me even if I have to come in early, stay late, or take it home. "Kate will do it", "Just give it to Kate, it will get done." But if I don't get my work done because i'm doing the extra project, I'm still in trouble. Plus now I'm being pulled into 2-3 hour meetings.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I am unable to work because "office politics" drive me to make attempts on my own life.

However, in that situation (and in all situations) I would just keep my head down, do my job and only communicate with my direct supervisor...nobody else!

If people from other departments want to dump extra work on my desk..."did you run all this past my boss first? because I only get paid to do what HE/SHE says, I'm sorry".

Eventually, jealous coworkers will end up getting you fired though...it always happens when you stop bribing them with favours or money to keep your job.

I a so Shivani Devi. Thank you for sharing your story. Basically the president has not officially said it but she does want to clean house. Anyone who has more than 3 years experience at the company she would like to see leave. Alot of people I have worked with for years, who have lots of knowledge and experience have left.

I work at a remote location and the home location send me work via email and courier. My boss is new as well and he see nothing wrong with dumping. My old boss would have said no, that I have my own work to do, especially since my job duties have increased.

My new boss told me to do the extra work and skip some meetings that I was supposed to attend. However, when I did, I was still reprimanded by some other vice presidents who said I was supposed to go to the meetings, do my work and whatever extra work that was dumped on me by the other department (to help them out).

Since I'm at a remote location, I have to drive to the home location, attend meetings, drive back to my location (my boss won't allow me to use an office at the home location) and catch up on my work.

I've been working sick (allergy cold/asthma) since February and I was out two days flat on my back. My doctor told me that I need to find another job because this one is adversely affecting my health.

[Rawnrr]

Clear truth and the work world do not go hand in hand. In the work world (as with most social situations) it is a game, a dance, you say the right thing at the right time in the right way, and you move forward. You can still (and really should) still live/express the truth as you see it, but you have to be creative and express it in the ways that suit the game.

That said....I always had a tough time with that as well.....I am so grateful that I am now self employed and dont have to play those games (as much) anymore.