Near Collison or Divine Timing?

RedBasket · #1 09-07-2016, 10:28 PM

Love your insights into this.

I haven't seen my TF face-to-face or had any real contact for 9 months and yesterday I almost got into a car accident around him.

As background I wrote him a text on his birthday last week and got no response, but I've been feeling his vibe more in recent weeks. I have also come back on social media only to see him as a suggested "favorite" on FB even though we've had no communication these 9 months.

I parked at the grocery store - no cars near me, shopped, came out, noticed a parked car on my left with a driver inside.

"If you are waiting for me to pull out first, you'll be here a while," I thought, as I had to move around stuff in my car to make room for groceries. I avoided the left side of my car in case that other car was going to pull out and leave. It took a long while, that car still didn't pull out, so I decided to hop in and pull out first.

Got in the car and glanced around me as I pull out only to catch the silouette of my TF in the parked car next to me. He's been sitting there for 5 minutes or so. Suddenly I recognize his car fully and know for certain it is him and I can't believe it didn't register earlier.

(He and I are so tuned into each other's cars, I see us driving past each other a lot and see him turn his head look and follow me if I make a left turn around his car, or previously when we'd be talking on the phone, he'd be in a strange building looking out the window and say suddenly "I think I see your car right now, where are you?" and sure enough I'd be driving by him in a random setting).

So I'm flooded with emotion and startled and pull out extra quickly and almost back into another car. It honks at me. I scramble and exit quickly without giving TF another look.

My heart was pounding so fast. I wonder for a minute if I should go back and say something to him but that seems unnatural at this point.

I wonder if I had recognized him right away (which normally I would have- don't know why I blocked him/his car out of my consciousness this time!) would I have waved to him through the window or something?

I can't help but think that he knew he had parked next to me, but maybe he was mysteriously oblivious and blind to my vehicle this time too?

Is this just a coincidence? Or do I make more of it? I tend to think it was "no accident" to see him, but the meaning was, "you are not ready to see each other yet."

I don't know. Any thoughts or interpretations?

I don't like the notion of coming off as "the runner" in this situation, because I wasn't trying to ignore him. But this is where I overthink things so I'll stop!!!

'm guessing with divine timing, reunion is supposed to be easy/effortless, right? Or will it also have elements of struggle and ego and second guessing?

ssdm1 · #2 10-07-2016, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedBasket

'm guessing with divine timing, reunion is supposed to be easy/effortless, right? Or will it also have elements of struggle and ego and second guessing?

My experience is there are still elements of struggle and second guessing. We have been reunited for 5 months after many, many years of no contact, and can't make seeing each other happen (work schedules, weather, outside obligations). We're texting and talking often and things are going well. I suppose there is still some work we need to do.

RedBasket · #3 10-07-2016, 10:59 AM

Thanks you, ssdm1

It is inspiring to hear you are back in contact after so many years, and it is useful to hear there are still elements of struggle and second guessing. I hope they dissipate for you.

I think the element of letting go, not trying to control things, and trusting in the universe is my lesson now. I've given in to the unconditional love and to the self-compassion - that feels good. This part is harder for me and I keep going into my brain and over analyzing. I know how to release the heart (that info came to me) but I don't know how or where in my body to surrender to the universe.

ssdm1 · #4 10-07-2016, 02:20 PM

For example, I texted him a compliment yesterday (it was a pretty deep compliment) and I know he got the message but he did not reply to it. I KNOW he is ok with this but his no response still creates doubt in me (even though he reassured me of his feelings the day before) and I know this is what I need to work on.

He can tell me every day he cares and I STILL doubt. Not sure why I can't let that go and just believe him it's just something that's very hard for me.

He does not handle the deeper emotional comments well. He hears them, accepts them but something blocks him at that point and he can't respond. He'll show me days later that I got through but he just can't get past that block.

RedBasket · #5 11-07-2016, 01:16 PM

ssdm1,

Yes, you are still in the push/pull dynamic but you do have self awareness of both of your issues and how you trigger each other.

Before our current separation, my TF and I went through these rounds of contact together, each time the dynamic had evolved a bit but the push/pull was still there, thus the feeling of the emotional roller coaster.

Sometimes I ask myself "am I really ready for something really great with him - do I feel I truly deserve it?" And I'll first feel an emphatic "yes!" but then some wobble of energy as I play out possible/real rejection by him. Then I feel like I'm back to the drawing board again of self-worth work and tending to myself, not abandoning myself.

In my own recent story, when I realized it was my TF next to me, my limbic brain still took over and I was startled and pushed on the gas pedal to get out fast. I think my neuro-pathways aren't fully formed yet for a reunion. I'm hoping when they are and I see him, then I'd smile, be filled with calm, look his way, and know that the knowingness of the connection is mutual, and things will flow easily from there.

Keep us posted of this stage of your reunion. Inhale, exhale, breathe.

bluebird21 · #6 13-07-2016, 07:01 AM

This all sounds very similar to what we experienced in 2012 when we were awakening. I remember driving by him many times and the look on his face, turning his head quickly to look at me, and how for a period of time I felt like I was constantly looking for him whenever I drove. Funny how there are these little common themes :)

If this is a twin flame connection, things are only going to get weirder (and more miraculous). In Divine Timing, you are asked to completely let go of your personal agenda and surrender the desire to control. I can only speak to my experience... when it was time for us to learn we are twin flames and remember our true natures and reunite, it flowed without any effort, unlike other times when there were people, situations, fears that got in the way of us connecting. When the time is right for twin flames, reconnecting happens effortlessly and in many cases it literally feels like the hand of God brought you back together, such as running into each other in the same airport terminal in an airport 1,000s of miles away from where either of you live.

bluebird21 · #7 13-07-2016, 07:13 AM

I tend to think it was "no accident" to see him, but the meaning was, "you are not ready to see each other?

I'm curious why you question yourself? You seem very grounded, calm, and intuitive. Can you sense if your doubt in yourself is founded in something real? That this doubt is leading you towards more clarity? Or is it leading you away from it? You can feel in your body what sensations come up when you say a statement of doubt vs. a statement of trust like the one above. When we come upon something true, we feel it in our bodies. Notice your breath and lower belly when you make these statements. You have your answers. And there is no wrong answer. :)

RedBasket · #8 13-07-2016, 12:34 PM

Quote:

I remember driving by him many times and the look on his face, turning his head quickly to look at me, and how for a period of time I felt like I was constantly looking for him whenever I drove.

Your responses have been so useful and calming to me, bluebird. Thank you. I love hearing that you had the drive-by + face turns too! It is so funny when that happens because I can see his face turned to me by the shadow outline of his hair, but I can't see the expression of his face. But just the fact that we are seeing each other face to face even when driving reminds me of regular life when he'd always position his body to face me head on when we talked (like mirrors).

I love hearing that synchronicities got stranger and that you were asked to give up fear and control in reunion. What a lovely example of your remote airport -wow!

It was especially useful for you to pose your question to me about why I doubt and question myself. You are right that the answer is there in my body, in my gutt. This has been a constant theme for me, questioning my reality, my numinous connections, getting anxious and wanting external validation, but most of my real life friends don't have these types of encounters and can't help. I think that is the lesson I keep missing ... deep inside I do know my own reality. It exists calmly under the veil of pain and confusion, and I can trust it.

I do enjoy analyzing my dreams that have so many useful metaphors in them and have started doing this with daily life encounters that feel so rich with meaning.

In my parking lot encounter, I realize that my twin isn't moving, he is acting as if he is stuck/trapped. Perhaps he blames me and my presence for this, but in reality, I'm not trapping him, I'm not blocking him, I'm not trying to bother him or even focus on him. I am simply aware of a human presence near me and I'm trying to be respectful, to leave our shared space free so he'll have more freedom to move as he pleases (I avoided using the left side of my car while loading/packing in case that vehicle tried to exit).

Then when I did see him and recognize who he was, it stirred up my emotions, it made my heart beat fast, I tried to flee quickly, I almost caused an crash with innocent third party. But there was no accident. We all survived, and now we all can continue on with our own journey.

bluebird21 · #9 14-07-2016, 03:49 AM

I'm glad I could help :) I remember a particular encounter with my twin flame when I had a knee-jerk reaction to move away from him. Although we had not seen each other in 7 months I knew I would see him the next day. I was so excited. Yet, when he showed up at my school sitting right outside my class (he did not attend this school and it was like an hour away from where he lives) ;) I walked right by and pretended I didn't see him. As I walked by the thought "She looks so skinny" popped into my mind.

Ya know, for me my special connection with this person precedes the twin flame theory. I never believed in this theory until we went through all the stages and I got strong messages that he too learned about twin flames. But even still... I trust in our love, our bond, and put less and less importance in the twin flame theory. It doesn't matter if you believe in these concepts. The gold is in trusting in your experiences with this person, in the shared Love you feel, and most importantly in yourself in my opinion.

bluebird21 · #10 14-07-2016, 04:09 AM

I do enjoy analyzing my dreams that have so many useful metaphors in them and have started doing this with daily life encounters that feel so rich with meaning.

I'm going to start doing this! Great idea! There is not much difference to your dreams and waking life. It's all one heck of a dream ;) I had a dream a few nights ago that I pretended not to know my twin flame and stuck my hand out to shake his and introduced myself. He didn't shake my hand back but instead looked to the side, held back tears, and I could feel how deeply it hurt him. Oof. I think I am not the only one who feels hurt and left.