Dont know what to do

[Somnia]

It sounds like this guy has deep seated issues regarding feeling insecurity with himself in some way thus may explain why he reacted in a jealous/possessive manner towards you when you were casually talking to "other guy" whom you have no romantic feelings for...

Another thing to pay attention to is when he flipped the table on you, and made you feel jealous and hurt when he would purposely flirt with other females...

It sounds like it's quite possible you two are being catalysts for one another to get the both of you to look at deeper issues going on within the two of you...

I wholeheartedly believe once you look within yourself and find out "why" it makes you feel jealous and hurt when he flirted with other ladies and try to get at the root problem, face it, and allow those feelings to come to the surface to be purged, I believe that level of deep healing with benefit you in the long term...Meaning you may come to a point where you no longer feel jealous towards him, or any other potential mates...

Same thing would apply for him, but he has to do the inner work on his own time/pace when it's right for him same as when it's the right time for you to begin your own inner work...

[Gemini11]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Hi Gemini11,

What to do?

Well.....to be honest you need to ditch this guy. You can't run a relationship like that. It's too antagonistic twin flame or not. This is about control. As wolfgaze says, he may have had a difficult past - he may have been cheated on... he may have cheated - either gender don't realise that cheating can make them highly suspicious, like if they can do it what's to stop a new acquaintance cheating them? (Cheating in the sense it seems to mean in intimate relationships.)

Were you the one who called out "twin flame" because I suspect from your story it was him. I could be wrong but if I am right you must now really look into his soul (as far as possible) and see if there's truth in his assertion.

If he really is your tf then you face a lot of work. Trying to deal with male jealousy isn't easy. You're reasonably new together. Is it getting worse? Do you quarrel more today than you did a month ago? Do you find him overbearing? Above all, do you feel at ease with him or emotionally drained after the confrontations?

My own feelings are that he isn't a soul mate. All romance aside they simply don't act like that. Yes, they have problems like everyone else but arguments are usually trivial and easily resolved. Trust should be enough that trust is never really an issue, assuming the thing is intimate.

I so hope you sort it out but saying goodbye might be the only answer and shielding yourself against male emotional blackmail. He keeps pushing you away, you say. Take advantage of that.

Good luck.

He brought up twins. Saying he knows me from before. That I'm familiar to him. I put the label twin flame on it.
We will go a few days without arguing and then argue for days straight with maybe a few hours of getting along during those days. When we're arguing, I get really emotional and just tired. But after we make up and apologize, I'm happy and energized I guess.

[Gemini11]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Gemini, one thought that came to mind is that this person's jealousy over your former coworker may be the 'symptom' of an underlying 'cause' that goes well beyond the surface level circumstances. He may have had an earlier life experience that caused him to feel jealousy and if the emotional effect/impact of that earlier life experience has not been fully processed and healed - then he will continue to project it onto current life circumstances and interpet those circumstances in a manner influenced by his past emotional hurting. Does that make sense? It's similar to how if a person has a previous unhealthy or toxic relationship - they may continue to carry that emotional 'baggage' into their next relationship and react to the current partner in a manner that was influenced by their involvement with a past partner. I don't know how well you know this individual or his past - but if you can you should try to find out from him if he has experienced jealousy in his past stemming from other relationships. Maybe there has been jealousy prevalent in his marriage? Maybe someone cheated on him in his past and he was deeply hurt or affected by that? Reading your account it very much sounds like his issues concernin that previous coworker of yours are the surface level symptom of a deeper/underlying cause - and this is why your trying to address the issue on the surface is not doing much to resolve the issue/matter. As a side note - I would encourage you to be honest about your actual feelings for that coworker (that you weren't interested in him) rather than tell this individual something that wasn't true/accurate in an effort to get him to drop the issue. Be true to yourself and your feelings as opposed to trying to appease someone else's erroneous beliefs about those circumstances...

~WOLF

He was abused by his parents. They were thieves and his mom lied a lot. I don't know where jealous could have came from.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Gemini11

and his mom lied a lot

That may be highly relevant... Trust issues concerning influential women in his life?

[taurusnsane]

pff to people who say ditch this man. no, dont because you are in this thing together. he has his issues, you have yours, you are here to help, to trigger etc eachother. dont leave someone who needs your help. it doesnt have to be direct help, just being there etc is good also, because no matter how many times you say something, it can mean nothing to runner as they are in ther little bubble. it just takes time and be supportive and just shut him up when he talks about it (womans have many ways to shut a guy up lol), so yeah... (oh sorry you are married so you cannot to the things I said about the shutting up)

but yes, be strong, "study" together and you will get into more balanced way. it is not only THIS life you have had these fears, issues, its been lifetime after lifetime and now its time for you and him to conquer those and send them to ZERO, as now it is really -1000

[RedBasket]

I kind of agree with both sentiments expressed in the responses. You two came into each other's lives for a reason, there is an opportunity for healing for you both, I believe.

If he has a lot of trauma in his past, you do need to protect yourself. Don't sacrifice your own sense of alignment and well-being for him. Don't say "I can handle this, I'm strong" if it secretly hurts you that he can't be as empathetic as you are. If it is causes you pain to be connected to him, and if you deny your own pain, you'll wind up going down the road of co-dependency, and that isn't helpful for either of you (even co-dependent friendships can be harmful, given you are both married).

Just be honest with yourself about your tendency toward self-sacrifice and self-denial. If you have a history of feeling "used" or "taken for granted" in previous relationships and friendships (especially after these run their course and you reflect on them), this is your opportunity to show self-care first before you help him.

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

pff to people who say ditch this man. no, dont because you are in this thing together. he has his issues, you have yours, you are here to help, to trigger etc eachother. dont leave someone who needs your help. it doesnt have to be direct help, just being there etc is good also, because no matter how many times you say something, it can mean nothing to runner as they are in ther little bubble. it just takes time and be supportive and just shut him up when he talks about it (womans have many ways to shut a guy up lol), so yeah... (oh sorry you are married so you cannot to the things I said about the shutting up)

but yes, be strong, "study" together and you will get into more balanced way. it is not only THIS life you have had these fears, issues, its been lifetime after lifetime and now its time for you and him to conquer those and send them to ZERO, as now it is really -1000

Can't say I agree. You mean an uneasy relationship with arguments, jealousy, recriminations, low trust, is good? The material for a long-term relationship?
At any level? You feel that someone must be strong... to put up with it? To struggle to make it work?

I suppose it's fine for a masochist but for a person who wants happiness, peace, a knowledge that there really is a soul connection, it hardly seems the way to improve one's soul or one's Self if someone feels drained by emotional upset and such antagonism.

I had a guy try on this soul-mates stuff a while ago but quite honestly... it wasn't. A little different from Gemini11's case but it added up to the same. After a while his pretence started to drop.
It was a con that I should have sensed from the start. I'm too romantic for my own good. And had to face all manner of emotional blackmail to close it down.

So we all have our views. I suppose there are happy soul mates... in which case they hardly need airing on a forum like this - but I see so much upset, anxiety, hurt and in some cases selfishness among the threads I read here. Doesn't seem right...

[taurusnsane]

nothing comes easy which is going to last. if you truly are twins (i am not saying you are not, I am just saying that you two are but as someone points out here...), then twins are both here to support and assist another.

twin relationship is hard to maintain, its hard to go over the lessons and to hear what guides, universe is saying to also assist you to become the "soul" you are. its hard work. dont give up.

we are going basic here. yeah, in a "normal" relationship i would also say that move the .. from this person, but the thing is, self-love. if its low, you are jealous. You both need to learn it, to be confident. and its a long road and not the easiest, but as I said, you are twin flames, so the normal "things" dont apply here. Cmon, we would 99% here would have stopped the communication and moved on if it would have been that easy. Many here has been ignored, blocked etc by our twins. Its a no-no for 3D relationships but the thing is.. twins. i have nothing else to add. I think twins understand what I am saying, even though its tricky, then you deep down know its the harsh truth

[Angel44]

Twin or no Twin, I would never allow anyone to treat me like this. My twin has NEVER treated me like this. The only thing he's done is ignored me. And prior to the ignore he told me to ALWAYS remember no matter what that he love's me. Our relationship was smooth. We fit together like a hand in glove. A TF relationship feels like coming home, not cruelty. It feels too good to be true! This sounds like a Karmic relationship. No one should put up with ** because they "believe" it's a TF.

[taurusnsane]

I havent experienced this with my twin aswell BUT there are many many different experiences and karma etc and so many different people. So its their journey. But if they both feel they are twins, then they are and we need to discuss this as twin connection which is different than 3D.

And also, ignoring is also something one human being shouldnt do to another, its cruel, nasty and bad and false etc but you swallowed it. What a bad thing!! (not....)