Not sure what to do

[ForeverRestless]

For those who have been following my posts on this forum for the past 10 months, you know my point of view. You may know my story with my Twin Flame and where my heart is. You may understand how much I love him and how connected I feel. What I don't share are the constant signs, the dreams, the synchronicities. I've had kundalini experiences. I've had an up and down journey that has shook me to the core in the 16 months since we last spoke and I've done it all on my own. I've dated others. I've tried to move on multiple times. I've even gone through periods where I felt very disconnected from him, but that's something that actually made me feel existential and hopeless. This connection is the realest thing I've ever experienced in my life, so I can't deny it or forget it, even if I try. It's impossible to forget a connection like what we had. I don't think lobotomies are legal anymore, and that's perhaps the only thing that would help.

Today, though, I will make another attempt to move on. Today a photo appeared of him looking happy, with her. The woman he got into a relationship with two months after we last spoke. After he told me having a relationship was impossible (cop-out). I realize he is on another continent and 5,000 miles away. Maybe it could have never worked, but seeing him running into the arms of another shattered me like nothing else in my life ever has.

Today, seeing him look so happy with her, seeing him finally seem to surrender to the relationship (he always looked miserable and distant beside her in the past), I realize he has decided to move on. I realize I may be only a memory to him, and a painful one at that. I realize he chose her. I realize he loves someone else. I realize I don't factor in. I realize that, if he looks happier now than he did 14 months ago, the love between them must be growing stronger, which means he's farther and farther out of my grasp.

I feel like a fool. I'm so glad I didn't tell him how I felt. At least that's what my ego says.

The weird part is my ego feels shattered and destroyed right now, but inside, at my core, I feel strong. I want to give myself self love. I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what I'm feeling but I know it's not as bad as it was a year ago. I have grown. I still love him just as much, but my strength and self worth is so much more.

I have to accept that he has chosen this woman, decided to love someone other than me, and put me behind him. I have to do the same, try to live my own life. I don't know if I can have a normal life anymore. I don't know if I will ever be able to have a relationship with another man without it feeling like a lie and me just "faking," but I guess I will have to try. I don't know how he was able to do this after what we had, the way he told me what we had was better than anything he'd ever experienced, the way he said I understood his heart and mind and soul better than anyone on earth, the way he said I knew him better than his own mother... and then to just run and choose someone other than me. I feel rejected every day. But what can I do? I know my experience was real. I know how much I loved him. Every bit of that is true because it's my truth. And I just have to take this love with me and pay it forward, put it to work in my own life, really just continue loving my life and doing things for myself, because he's not going to be part of it.

I am so full of love after knowing him. I understand unconditional love and I share the message to anyone who will listen. My friends have talked to me about how much I've grown and matured and gotten so much stronger. I give them relationship advice and they just say, wow, it's amazing the way you see things. You are so wise. You have so much perspective. When I talk about unconditional love, it touches them, and tears fill their eyes.

TF may not want my love but the love was real, it's in me and I'm sharing it with anyone who will listen. I'm spreading this love and I will continue to, on my mission in the world, without him. I may not be able to settle down and get married to a new person, but I can have a meaningful live. I can achieve things, touch lives.

Now he's made his choice and surrendered to a new love so I have to make my choice to forge forward without him. This is my life now. He's not going to be in it. He's happy. He was able to put me in the past. I was a girl he knew for a while and it was great, but it's in the past. He has a new life now. I guess he doesn't even think of me.

I read his energy, I see he looks happy, protective of her, claiming her as his special girl. It's not me. I haven't seen happiness in his eyes like that since he was looking at me. He's chosen to release me... maybe he cut the cord. I don't know. But he's decided to be happy again. I'm not part of that. I'm gone. I'm in the distance, the memories, the past, I am of no consequence, I don't factor in. I'm not considered.

So here I am today. I've shed a few tears but I refuse to be broken by this. My life is mine alone and I won't let this drain my beautiful spirit. I will keep going. I will love myself, I will love others in whatever way I can. And he will continue on his own path.

Today I'm trying to let go in a new way. Accept the path he has chosen. Try to be happy for him that he's finally happy. But most of all, I want myself to be happy. And I will be.

[Angel44]

A Big Hug Forever. Number one, don’t doubt for a minute the love he has for you. You KNOW deep in your heart and soul, your TF loves you. Some people, especially men are not able to stay In a relationship where they feel TOO VULNERABLE. My TF told me, “You have the power to crush my little heart in your bare hands”, so he too chose to settle for a relationship where HE was in control. But I know with all my heart and soul, he loves me and always will.

Number Two, although the TF journey is about unconditional love, it’s even more so about ONENESS. This is why it’s so important to meditate and raise your consciousness. Once you REALLY get the fact that we are all one, and the same SOURCE energy is a part of us all, all feelings of separation disappear. Separation is a creation of ego. Separation causes pain. You, Her, Him, all the same. Be happy he’s happy. Meditate until you are happy for no reason. You are still basing your happiness on being with him one day. That’s the hurdle you have to climb…once you release that expectation, you will be able to find someone else. Or your TF just might come back. You never know. Work on you!! This is a very difficult journey, but we are all strong!

[Ciona]

I like what you've written here. I always say you know it's deep love when you can love someone enough to let them live their own life. You do have a beautiful spirit.

It will take a little time but you will get through this. It's not easy but now that your energy is not going to him like it was there will be sides of yourself which you will now be able to get in touch with again which you haven't before. A whole new world will open up, with your heart center even more loving now. It will be like the sun coming up instead of going down.

Today I'm trying to let go in a new way. Accept the path he has chosen.

Acceptance. Yes. Accepting the facts as they are, even if you don't like them or agree with them. This is the key. Acceptance is freeing. Good for you!

[BlueCat]

A picture of them doesn't mean if they are really happy or not, probably he was miserable not to his relationship but maybe to some personal issues he had to solve, maybe he is just accepting this relationship and trying to be happy instead of being really into it or i'm just wrong.
After all, you have to accept even if you can't stand them just for reason he would finally grow up spiritually and mentally and probably led to you in the future.

[Clover]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

The weird part is my ego feels shattered and destroyed right now, but inside, at my core, I feel strong. I want to give myself self love. I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what I'm feeling but I know it's not as bad as it was a year ago.

Echoes Rumi, 'You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.'. Oh do your words sound familiar. I think your moving along just fine. You will be okay and you will triumph from this ..

I second Sistermoon's words; you do have a beautiful spirit. I promise you will have so much to look forward to. Thanks for sharing you story.

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Accept the path he has chosen. Try to be happy for him that he's finally happy. But most of all, I want myself to be happy. And I will be.

*nods* Very nice.

[Ciona]

Originally Posted by Clover

Echoes Rumi, 'You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.'.

The astounding truth of these words, it's so true.