Feeling "second"

[Impulsv]

Originally Posted by AandN

Mine has someone and I don't feel second for a split second.

Why?

1. Because every connection is unique.
2. I cannot compare the connection we had with the connection he has with his girlfriend.
3. If we hadn't met beforehand, he probably wouldn't be with his current girlfriend, in a stable relationship. He was a train-wreck when we met and sink even lower after our second separation. He wound up dropping everything shortly after and removed himself from the location/situation he was in. He probably ended up doing some serious work and remained officially unattached until she came along. I'm sure that if it weren't for our debacle of a connection, he'd still be in the same rut.

You can't be second when you've triggered change in someone. Even if they're not in your life anymore, you cannot regard yourself as first or second. It's not a race. I know for fact that you can be with someone else/fall for someone else and still love them equally.

Thank you for this as I needed to read this
It's the perspective I need to shift to

[awakeningheart]

I needed to read this today. I often have feelings of being 'second' best in TF's life. Rationally, I know that's not true.

But like your connection Wyatt, I met mine when he was (and still is) committed to someone else. I struggle when we are in contact as to why I feel like this. I'm confident in myself and my own relationships. So why does being in contact with him often lead me to feelings of insecurity?

I guess I still have a lot of work to do on myself!

[BlueCat]

I feel many times "second", even if i came first in his life but due to bad circumstances, i'm like this.
It seems he wants me but of course only if we are both not in any relationship. I don't like to feel second or being in the between of a triangle, unfinished business and insecure feelings of not letting go a relationship to have a 3D reunion.

[MissTetley]

It's not second it's waiting and watching. Doing the right thing does not place someone in second place, it puts them in the position of observing from an elevated perspective. It allows the other to have the experiences they need which is done from love.
Loving someone enough to let them have the experience they need does not diminish their position.

[awakeningheart]

Originally Posted by MissTetley

It's not second it's waiting and watching. Doing the right thing does not place someone in second place, it puts them in the position of observing from an elevated perspective. It allows the other to have the experiences they need which is done from love.
Loving someone enough to let them have the experience they need does not diminish their position.

You are so right MissTetley...the feeling of being second comes from ego - fear of abandonment, vulnerability etc etc...when I see it from that angle, it becomes so much easier to deal with. Thank you.