Loneliness and Isolation

Celaris · #1 08-03-2016, 09:25 AM

I've had to spend a lot of time alone recently, which has been very hard for me.
I've been forced to really look inside of myself and analyze some things.

Intense feelings of loneliness have come up coupled with a fear of death, which is interesting because loneliness can increase the likelihood of an early death. (I'd post links to the studies- but I can't yet according to the site rules)

Premature death risk is increased by 14% in older people who are lonely.
Even when one is not an elderly, a consistent feeling of being lonely also poses an increase of 14% chance of dying early.
Loneliness has as much impact as being very poor and not having access to some privileges.
Staying in touch with friends, families and colleagues can lead to a longer life.

I'm in a really isolated place, where there simply aren't opportunities for social interaction.

My question to anyone who's interested is how do you deal with loneliness and isolation? I've looked at the research and most things say 'get out more', more or less. This isn't an option for me. What are your thoughts?

Thank you!

SoulsInMotion · #2 08-03-2016, 09:46 AM

Without understanding more about your situation and why you can't "get out more", it's difficult to give you exact advice.

I can tell you that for 5 years, I lived in severe isolation and developed just these type of habits you described. I was in a very northern climate, in a country where I didn't understand much of the language or culture. Worse, I was just there because of someone else, sort of tagging along with them and hanging on for dear life while they did their thing.

There are many ways to "get out more". Even just being AROUND people can be a good thing. The worst thing is when you have nothing else to do but mope around at home, reading disaster scenarios on the internet and watching them on tv. These mediums in particular excel at that.

If you fall into ill health somewhere along the line, what you are likely to do is panic and think "this is it! now I'm dying!" - everything confirms what you are paying attention to. I went to hospitals and emergency rooms and clinics several times at my worst point. They always told me the same thing: There's nothing wrong with you except your head. Work on your situation and mindset.

10 years later, I'm still alive and in a much better place mentally. I also have much more contact with people. You will make it too. Find your purpose, that will take time and trial and error but having purpose is important. Also realize that this fear of death was probably instilled in you by something early in your life and has no basis in reality. The only thing that will make it reality is you continuing to affirm it. You have the chance to take control of your life. If you are in bad eating habits, change them. If you are not exercising, start. Get outdoors and get fresh air. Get involved in projects, even if it is only over the internet you can "meet" people.

Again, without further details, it is difficult to say much more. Do you believe in a higher power/purpose on any level? What is spirituality to you?

H:O:R:A:C:E · #3 08-03-2016, 10:25 AM

Into the Woods ~ No One is Alone:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-039KGjsP0

the (apparent) agreed upon thinking by humanity is that mortality is unavoidable.
when you consider the relative timeframes of what is
believed to be the Earth's existence, and the entirety of human kinds
existence (only the last few minutes of a 24 hour day, relatively),
what's the big deal about 5 minutes or 30 years?
if death is unavoidable, why be concerned about it?
(don't worry, be happy)
i do not believe that death is unavoidable however.
firstly, matter/energy cannot be destroyed (merely altered);
this is "scientific fact". (hence, it (and you) are "immortal").
secondly, Spirit has no endpoints (neither a beginning, nor an end),
so it is immortal as well!
thirdly, suppose that "death is unavoidable" was a RULE.
who would enforce this proclamation?
i submit that a loving God would not require an unwanted activity
of [his] creation.
there is no cause for fear on this (or any) matter.
===
to deal with loneliness/isolation, i recommend becoming your own best friend.
get to know the intricacies of your mental and emotional selves, and take delight in them.
also, daydream. imagine things that you find pleasant, and be as specific
(in a non-limiting way, lol) as possible.
what kind of world would you like to experience? imagine it.

DaiBach · #4 08-03-2016, 10:34 AM

Get a dog Celaris. A dog will offer you unconditional love, affection, attention and constant companionship. Having a dog is also a good way to meet new people, people who will go out of their way to talk to you.

Celaris · #5 08-03-2016, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaiBach

Get a dog Celaris. A dog will offer you unconditional love, affection, attention and constant companionship. Having a dog is also a good way to meet new people, people who will go out of their way to talk to you.

I SO wish I could, that would be amazing. I'm living in my parents home at the moment in order to get back on my feet. When I move out I will most definitely be getting a pet.

DaiBach · #6 08-03-2016, 12:14 PM

That's good Celaris. All the best to you.

Celaris · #7 08-03-2016, 12:16 PM

Unfortunately- my parents live on the edge of the wilderness- very far from any social activity and I don't have transportation. It is genuinely isolation from other humans. It sounds like it might be similar to your experience. I do live with my parents (who drive an hour to work everyday). I don't own a vehicle so I'm pretty much stuck at home working on my studies.

I have really been trying to see this as a time where I can deal with some core fears the idea of death and separation. It's funny to me that we're studying Buddhism this month and the idea of Nirvana as 'Void' is the prompt. I have realized that I've completely misunderstood what the Eastern version of emptiness meant. I've had a bit of a breakthrough in that department since I posted the original thought.

The profound realization that came to me was that I have issues surrounding the feelings of being worthy of attention. This is why I could imagine 'angels' or 'God', even people- but still feel alone, because I was living in a place of feeling unworthy. I won't analyze it here- but I know where the lie entered my head. I'm hoping I can continue to practice mindfulness by reminding myself what I've learned.

Regarding my spirituality- I am very inclusive of everything and all experiences. I was raised in a very fundamental, evangelical home- so I have been taught some bad spiritual hygiene for sure. I currently view all philosophy as having some truth- almost like shopping at a grocery store for ideas. Some ideas are going to be more healthy than others- and my spiritual diet and exercise will directly correlate with my maturity and growth. All ideas have nutrition- but some have more than others.

Thank you for your feedback- I honestly didn't know how active this site was- it's pretty active I guess. :)

Celaris · #8 08-03-2016, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaiBach

That's good Celaris. All the best to you.

Thank you!

joehall · #9 23-03-2016, 06:34 AM

Humans are social creatures, so they need some kind of social interaction to successfully live. I suggest finding something that interests you and joining a club to meet others who share that interest. It may take a while, but try talking to a few people and you'll very likely make a friend or two there. Start by greeting people at the grocery store and other stores you go to. Make an effort to make small talk...yes about the weather. The more you engage with people, the easier it will get. Making friends is a slow process, but you've got to start somewhere.

Go out of your way to make random acts of kindness. Slowly, slowly, you will start enjoying interacting with people.

Native spirit · #10 23-03-2016, 09:46 PM

Being alone is not just for the people who are cut off everything,you can be lonely being in a happy family situation,it is who you are,are you able to house share with someone near to where there are many things going on?.i live in a rural village its quiet here no shops no night clubs or anything else,i like it thay way i couldnt live in a town it would be to busy for me.
join groups on the internet make friends that way. i feel your loneliness is making you ponder on life after death, there are many sites on the internet that you can join, embrace where you live do you have a camera? take photos of the world around you and post them ,this would maybe help you see where you live in a different way,just look on certain dites for what you are looking for,you will be surprised at how many people feel like you do, good luck.

Namaste