Help with emotionally deciphering the spiritual community?

[eatember]

Hi, all.

I keep feeling like I should be interacting with places like this, or with individual people. But I feel sort of...at odds with the whole thing? Not that I disagree with people necessarily, but I feel like I'm hitting a more complicated emotional wall. It's hard to put words to. I'm gunna try anyways, maybe someone here has felt the same way?

I feel like I get this general, undefined feeling of aversion. It's like a big feeling made out of a lot of little things. Each little thing is something I think or feel or question about the spiritual community. Each thing is something I need to address and sort-out, because they're contributing to that unpleasant feeling. They each make sense on their own. I could articulate them just fine if they were individual thoughts. But the aversion feeling is made up of so many and it hits me all at once. I can't focus on them all at once!

It's like seeing a dust cloud where I can't see every individual speck of dust at once. I'm trying to understand the shape of each little speck, but to shift focus from the large cloud to one speck is overwhelming because the cloud wants to be felt all at once, right now! That's too much information. I feel like my brain is trying to squeeze an octopus through a pinhole.

It's difficult because even when I see spiritual pieces of writing or a video or something, while I'm reading or watching something will be said or I'll observe something that brings some of those thoughts, feelings and questions to the surface or generates new ones. But I'm getting handfuls of them occurring to me all at one time, in real time, and even more happening as I try to read on or keep watching. The big feeling will keep happening the entire time.

Does anyone know anything about this? Maybe someone's been through it before? I wasn't sure if it was a spiritual thing or something that could be considered more mundane but I haven't heard of mundane problems like this. Also, I've handled some pretty intense mundane problems and read some pretty dense stuff and dealing with several questions or variables or pieces of information to consider at once usually doesn't bother me like this at all. I'm usually pretty good at that. This only happens when I'm trying to interact with metaphysical spiritual community stuff so far. (Although if anyone did have a non-spiritual explanation I would appreciate those too.)

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by eatember

Hi, all.

I keep feeling like I should be interacting with places like this, or with individual people. But I feel sort of...at odds with the whole thing? Not that I disagree with people necessarily, but I feel like I'm hitting a more complicated emotional wall. It's hard to put words to. I'm gunna try anyways, maybe someone here has felt the same way?

I feel like I get this general, undefined feeling of aversion. It's like a big feeling made out of a lot of little things. Each little thing is something I think or feel or question about the spiritual community. Each thing is something I need to address and sort-out, because they're contributing to that unpleasant feeling. They each make sense on their own. I could articulate them just fine if they were individual thoughts. But the aversion feeling is made up of so many and it hits me all at once. I can't focus on them all at once!

It's like seeing a dust cloud where I can't see every individual speck of dust at once. I'm trying to understand the shape of each little speck, but to shift focus from the large cloud to one speck is overwhelming because the cloud wants to be felt all at once, right now! That's too much information. I feel like my brain is trying to squeeze an octopus through a pinhole.

It's difficult because even when I see spiritual pieces of writing or a video or something, while I'm reading or watching something will be said or I'll observe something that brings some of those thoughts, feelings and questions to the surface or generates new ones. But I'm getting handfuls of them occurring to me all at one time, in real time, and even more happening as I try to read on or keep watching. The big feeling will keep happening the entire time.

Does anyone know anything about this? Maybe someone's been through it before? I wasn't sure if it was a spiritual thing or something that could be considered more mundane but I haven't heard of mundane problems like this. Also, I've handled some pretty intense mundane problems and read some pretty dense stuff and dealing with several questions or variables or pieces of information to consider at once usually doesn't bother me like this at all. I'm usually pretty good at that. This only happens when I'm trying to interact with metaphysical spiritual community stuff so far. (Although if anyone did have a non-spiritual explanation I would appreciate those too.)

Hi and welcome to the Forum.

There is a lot of information out there and most of it is totally contradictory. Yes, it can be like opening a can of worms at times, which you wish you didn't do and everything seems downright confusing.

Have you ever considered meditation? Just trying to shut it all out and go within? If this is difficult for you, just focus on the breath. Practice being mindful and totally present with everyday mundane activities like eating and bathing...This is all that is really required.

I wish you all the best.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Hi and welcome to the Forum.

There is a lot of information out there and most of it is totally contradictory. Yes, it can be like opening a can of worms at times, which you wish you didn't do and everything seems downright confusing.

Have you ever considered meditation? Just trying to shut it all out and go within? If this is difficult for you, just focus on the breath. Practice being mindful and totally present with everyday mundane activities like eating and bathing...This is all that is really required.

I wish you all the best.

BEST description of how things are that I have seen.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

BEST description of how things are that I have seen.

Thank you.

I have been deeply conditioned throughout my life to try and make some degree of logical sense out of all those concepts I am exposed to and if it makes no sense, then just forget it. I believe they call it "living responsibly".

Up until the beginning of this millennium, I was pretty much able to do so, but as time passes, the world around me just gets more and more confusing and I feel like I don't have the ability to cope with this whole emotional "free for all" anymore.

I don't understand if the world has changed or I have changed, in that I have lost all resilience to be able to resist the entropic downward spiral into oblivion... whatever the case, I can only relate now to things that do not change, or have a repetitive and predictable cycle of change...like nature.

There is a saying "adapt or perish" and I don't have the tools necessary to adapt to what, essentially cannot be adapted to because it keeps changing every second and so the only thing I can do is await my death and hope to be reborn elsewhere, where the environment is more stable and less volatile.

I don't mind change..not at all..just let me have a bit of time to get used to the change before it changes again...is that too much to ask?

Agree with SD, and welcome too.

Hi eatember,

Try journalling,write down your thoughts and put pen to paper.

Nut out your thoughts,mull over it,process and process again,until you find some reasoning.

Not only is it cathartic,it will help lighten the load and put things into perspective.

Good luck.: )

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by eatember

Hi, all.

I keep feeling like I should be interacting with places like this, or with individual people. But I feel sort of...at odds with the whole thing? Not that I disagree with people necessarily, but I feel like I'm hitting a more complicated emotional wall. It's hard to put words to. I'm gunna try anyways, maybe someone here has felt the same way?

I feel like I get this general, undefined feeling of aversion. It's like a big feeling made out of a lot of little things. Each little thing is something I think or feel or question about the spiritual community. Each thing is something I need to address and sort-out, because they're contributing to that unpleasant feeling. They each make sense on their own. I could articulate them just fine if they were individual thoughts. But the aversion feeling is made up of so many and it hits me all at once. I can't focus on them all at once!

It's like seeing a dust cloud where I can't see every individual speck of dust at once. I'm trying to understand the shape of each little speck, but to shift focus from the large cloud to one speck is overwhelming because the cloud wants to be felt all at once, right now! That's too much information. I feel like my brain is trying to squeeze an octopus through a pinhole.

It's difficult because even when I see spiritual pieces of writing or a video or something, while I'm reading or watching something will be said or I'll observe something that brings some of those thoughts, feelings and questions to the surface or generates new ones. But I'm getting handfuls of them occurring to me all at one time, in real time, and even more happening as I try to read on or keep watching. The big feeling will keep happening the entire time.

Does anyone know anything about this? Maybe someone's been through it before? I wasn't sure if it was a spiritual thing or something that could be considered more mundane but I haven't heard of mundane problems like this. Also, I've handled some pretty intense mundane problems and read some pretty dense stuff and dealing with several questions or variables or pieces of information to consider at once usually doesn't bother me like this at all. I'm usually pretty good at that. This only happens when I'm trying to interact with metaphysical spiritual community stuff so far. (Although if anyone did have a non-spiritual explanation I would appreciate those too.)

i felt like, I wasn't going to be allowed in the door no matter which door I chose. And it hurt.

And I also felt like, the whole thing was wrong because if all this meant what they said it did, there would be concrete results in terms of making things better. And I wasn't seeing that.

So I was pretty much forced to ignore what everyone said and try to find my own way.

[Flatworld Crusades]

At a basic level it seems as if your beliefs about spirituality and the community that is causing you a problem. Particularly if you are at odds with the whole thing. It seems as though you have these opinions regardless of the engagement method. Do you think it's possible that your reluctance to engage is due to some combination of feelings that have developed into a mindset that spirituality forums etc are in some way inferior?

[WildHairedWoman]

Just write the questions down as they come. Choose one and start looking for the answer. Probably what you are feeling is dissonance from what someone says and what you know to be true. You do not have to buy any one else's story or "how it is". You are to find your own description of "how it is".

[birds]

Maybe you're OCD or have social anxiety or something. Try balancing your electrolytes so you feel more balanced. If any issues persist then talk to someone in person.
I see this site as not people who have all the answers but who are offering support within a nonjudgmental community. Reading the various interesting posts is enjoyable and even more so when interactive.