I Can't Progress In Life Like Others...

[Windbreeze]

Hello,

I am 35 years old, have general anxiety and social anxiety.
I don't have car, house (I rent) and family at this point in time and live on disability.

I never had girlfriend and I can't imagine I will ever have family.
I am not open to new things, even if it's about going to... I don't know,
cinema that I haven't been to for 10 years, I am afraid of going because
I don't know the process, what expects me etc. And that's for all the things
that I have not experienced.

Mainly this can be due to anxiety which developed and got worse
with time. I also have issues communicating with people, specifically
I don't get all what they say. It's like they just talk and words come and
go. I hardly remember particular details about conversation.

So it all slowly came to having difficulty with normal things that normal
people usually don't have issues with. I wonder whether this was my destiny
or it's just psychological ailments?

I am stagnant and can't progress materially and spiritually. Feels like I am in a trap.
This takes a toll on quality of my life and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think about taking "exit pill" but I am afraid of dying.

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

[Dargor]

To answer your final question, there's nothing beneficial to your soul about this at all. In fact, it's extremely soul-crushing and doesn't contribute anything useful to your spiritual growth. I know this from personal experience because my situation is familiar (even though I'm 9 years younger than you). Don't listen to anyone who tells you that this is any good, because it simply isn't. While it is true that suffering is necessary to an extent in order to gather life experience, there should be a balance. When this balance is unstable, it only affects us in a negative way. For example, I slowly start to feel disconnected to this world and no longer have any emotional attachment to it. My feelings and emotions are diminishing more and more as time passes. How can anyone possibly say that this is good for spiritual development? It is not.

The only thing you can do is hope for things to eventually become better and that luck may find a way to reach us. Prayers are a waste of time and energy, because even if there is a god, he just doesn't care. So don't make the same mistake I did with years of endless prayers that remain forever unanswered. There's a good reason why I stepped away from religion.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

In some ways, there is no such thing as an empty life, it is all experience and learning. The Soul does not participate in the life of the personality until we have developed enough to make some kind of Soul contact. Then the Soul takes more interest in the personality as a potential vehicle of expression. Until that time, the Soul does whatever it does on its own plane of consciousness.

It sounds like you are stuck in an ever-shrinking world, paralysed by fear and unable to make connections. You must feel very isolated.

Have you always been this way or did something happen in your life to make you so anxious?

If your circumstances are ever going to improve then something needs to change. And that change begins with you.

It may help to find a counsellor you can talk to. Some counsellors are better than others, so try to find one you feel comfortable with.

Is there anything which you can do to expand your horizons, even in very small ways, even if it is only visualising the kind of life you would like to have?

As has been said so often, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Peace.

[FallingLeaves]

there is more to progressing spiritually than just going 'up' the way everyone says to. And even if up is entirely the correct path, you can't go from one mountain peak to a higher one, without going down first. At least not until you learn to fly (mischevious grin).

Anyway sometimes you need a break as well? Despite what some have said about pushing on and on and on all the time, rest is very important. And not being able to continue doing whatever it is you think you should be doing for whatever reason does at least give you a rest.

I have the same problem though. Can't 'concentrate' in the same way others do. Get totally lost when trying to interact beyond a very basic level. Anxiety, always afraid I'm going to do something wrong and be berated. Although I can at least function well enough to hold down a job now...

If you've a mind to, try pushing against it. Maybe doing some isometrics will teach you something?

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,
I am 35 years old, have general anxiety and social anxiety.
I don't have car, house (I rent) and family at this point in time and live on disability.

Well, you can change all this, its just going to take some effort an work on your behalf, probably not an over night thing tho but still..

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

I never had girlfriend and I can't imagine I will ever have family.

Here could be your problem too or part or it, "I CANT IMAGINE...." you say, try imagine it, take the time to sit down an imagine what you would like to experience and imagine with your imagination the steps youd need to take to make it so. Imagination + action = creation.

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

I am not open to new things, even if it's about going to... I don't know,
cinema that I haven't been to for 10 years, I am afraid of going because
I don't know the process, what expects me etc. And that's for all the things
that I have not experienced.

Theres not that many awesome movies at the cinema these days anyway so i guess your not missing out much there but not liking the process or not liking what expects you as you say, what could or may happen?, is the imagination (so looks like you have some imagination after all) but this is it running out of control or your imagination is against you, its fine to think of bad outcomes for actions taken because it logical, if you tried swim across a river that had a sign saying warning crocodiles live here, then swimming across it there is a possibility you might get attacked by a crocodile. But if we take the cinema for example, maybe your thoughts might be something like, "but if i go to the cinema i might bump into so an so, an then they might ask me what iv been doing, an then i won't know what to say, or they might ask me to do this an that, and then that could lead to this an that and.. and.." its very assumption like, instead of logical. So your imaginations creating a scenario that doesn't exist, then worrying about it and like i said thats fine because it could be helpful if there is actually something going on or you think/feel something might actually happen, but things like just going on a casual cinema outing, its kinda overkill. Safety isn't knowing nothing can get you its the the realisation that if anything gets you its only going to make you better.

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Mainly this can be due to anxiety which developed and got worse
with time. I also have issues communicating with people, specifically
I don't get all what they say. It's like they just talk and words come and
go. I hardly remember particular details about conversation.

I dunno if your on medication for your anxiety but that stuff can really mess with people heads, all those psych drugs, if you are my advice is to wean yourself off them an take a more natural approach, it might also be that while talking to these people you are worrying a bit, an just want to get out of the situation so you don't really hear what they are saying. I dunno for certain though.

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

So it all slowly came to having difficulty with normal things that normal
people usually don't have issues with. I wonder whether this was my destiny
or it's just psychological ailments?

I am stagnant and can't progress materially and spiritually. Feels like I am in a trap.
This takes a toll on quality of my life and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think about taking "exit pill" but I am afraid of dying.

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

This is just a process for you. Without going into details to much, i'll share that years back at the start of my spiritual journey i didn't know about anything spiritual really, and i ended up in a psych ward i was never crazy, i just didn't know what i was experiencing which all unravelled more an made more sense as time went on, but anyway i was like ok you think im crazy i'll show you crazy and i just caused so much mayhem for the staff there, it only got me put into a much more secure part of the facility where they would just get security to pin you down an shove these needles in your butt that leave you drooling an staggering around before you pass out i was the only person to escape that facility, not once but twice as well, an there was a time where i thought of suicide as well this was a little while later when i was let out, i went to the train tracks but of course did not end up going through with that.

My point is, that your life can change, from what i just shared i went onto getting into meditating, healing an self mastery, got involved in the ufo/ufologist & e.t community, we filmed heaps of craft an many people from all over came to visit to see what we could share with them, I now have money too and a job that i enjoy, and there is even a woman in my life too (i mention these two things because you said its what you wanted). And my journey is still going and i think now that if i killed myself back then i would have missed out on a heap of cool stuff.

All the best.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,

I am 35 years old, have general anxiety and social anxiety.
I don't have car, house (I rent) and family at this point in time and live on disability.

I never had girlfriend and I can't imagine I will ever have family.
I am not open to new things, even if it's about going to... I don't know,
cinema that I haven't been to for 10 years, I am afraid of going because
I don't know the process, what expects me etc. And that's for all the things
that I have not experienced.

Mainly this can be due to anxiety which developed and got worse
with time. I also have issues communicating with people, specifically
I don't get all what they say. It's like they just talk and words come and
go. I hardly remember particular details about conversation.

So it all slowly came to having difficulty with normal things that normal
people usually don't have issues with. I wonder whether this was my destiny
or it's just psychological ailments?

I am stagnant and can't progress materially and spiritually. Feels like I am in a trap.
This takes a toll on quality of my life and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think about taking "exit pill" but I am afraid of dying.

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

Very sorry to read you're in such a situation.

My suggestion is to take small steps to get under control each aspect of your life.

Probably, dealing with your anxiety and other medical problems should be your first priority. If you live on disability, I assume you also have some health coverage.

Then, with the help of your church or some social services you should try to get in contact with other people who can understand you, and who can give you some moral support, and more.

Not knowing what is your capability to perform any kind of job, I imagine that there is some place that can offer you a part time position with easy requirements, maybe also at some religious or social services establishment. That could help you on several levels.

I can't claim that I know what is the meaning of our lives on Earth, and why things are as they are, although I have my beliefs formed from my experiences with altered states of consciousness. I think this isn't the moment to expand on that.

In any case, I believe that we're meant to do our best to overcome any difficulty we encounter in our lives, even if that difficulty is a karmic balancing for some past life, and we might have to do or experience something bad, for a while.

Surely, you should also do something to get comfort and grow your spiritual side.

Again, very sorry for your situation. I hope things get better soon for you!

[Empowers]

Speaking directly to the experience of not interacting socially the same as others, I have a friend who described the exact same situation to me about his life. He finally had enough and started reading books that taught him how he should be acting in social situations. When I met him, as he is now, he is one of the most charming and engaging individuals that I know.

Anxiety is a tough one but it can be managed. My partner has anxiety and finds listening to the anxiety guy podcast is helpful.

And then there is the internet. wikiHow (with pictures) might actually help you learn how to do these things from a purely instructions standpoint. Then, try them when you are alone and don't have to feel embarrassed.

My sister was extremely agoraphobic and xenophobic and the internet helped her. Even to make new friends that she saw in the real world.

The one thing that I hope you've found in this thread is some hope. Because regardless of where you are in this existence, the one thing that makes us all the same is our desire for peace and hope. And questing for those things means you are playing the same role in your spiritual journey as we are in ours. Cultivating it, believing it, finding it... just the starting point looks different, the destination is the same.

[Tobi]

Do you like dogs? Cats?
If you do, then go and volunteer at an animal rescue.
The people there would be glad of the help. You can do as much as you want to. Even one hour a week to take some poor dog for a walk or play with a cat would be such help.

Those animals are so sad. They have been abandoned for one reason or another and don't deserve it. All they want is friends, love, fun, and food.

If you do happen to be an animal lover, you could make such a difference -via love -to their sad lives. They do not care one bit whoever or whatever you are, so long as you are kind. They don't care about your social status, or even what you look like.
And what you would receive back? Quite a lot of love.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,

I am 35 years old, have general anxiety and social anxiety.
I don't have car, house (I rent) and family at this point in time and live on disability.

I never had girlfriend and I can't imagine I will ever have family.
I am not open to new things, even if it's about going to... I don't know,
cinema that I haven't been to for 10 years, I am afraid of going because
I don't know the process, what expects me etc. And that's for all the things
that I have not experienced.

Mainly this can be due to anxiety which developed and got worse
with time. I also have issues communicating with people, specifically
I don't get all what they say. It's like they just talk and words come and
go. I hardly remember particular details about conversation.

So it all slowly came to having difficulty with normal things that normal
people usually don't have issues with. I wonder whether this was my destiny
or it's just psychological ailments?

I am stagnant and can't progress materially and spiritually. Feels like I am in a trap.
This takes a toll on quality of my life and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think about taking "exit pill" but I am afraid of dying.

What happens with soul that can't progress materialistically and spiritually in this world?
Does living empty life at this point benefit the soul?

I am sorry to hear this, but kindly allow me to give some practical advice.

Although it is very difficult, an effort must be made to stop comparing yourself with other people...nothing but bitterness and resentment results from doing that and it also puts you squarely in the role of being a "victim of circumstances". Been there...done that too.

If this is too difficult for you right now, focus on the similarities rather than the differences...for example, I could have written your opening post myself, except for the fact that I have 20 years on you...20 more years of going through what you are going through right now..

The trick is, in starting small and building up your resilience and distress tolerance very slowly, beginning it by doing things you enjoy...What gives you happiness and your own life some meaning and purpose..and at the start, these things can be very difficult to identify..but they are there. You may be proficient at playing a musical instrument, creating art, engaging in philosophical debate, walking in nature, eating ice cream...whatever it is that just takes the edge off...things that will give you a momentary reprieve and then, extended it when you feel more up to doing that.

If you need to "blame" something that makes other people seem to be "better off" in your eyes, then karma is the be all and end all cosmic excuse for this...but at least by realising that, it allows you some peace and you can drop it. They were all probably very noble and pious in a previous life and are now enjoying the fruits of that action in this life...There is one glorious and beautiful bonus to this whole thing....not being attached to anything comes a lot EASIER for us because we have been given nothing to become attached TO...So it must follow that the whole process of Nirvana is going to be pretty much a total cakewalk...Well, that has been my experience at least.

Set small, realistic and achievable goals, ground yourself, take care of yourself and spend your evenings watching motivational Ted X talks on YouTube.. because the only comparison you have, is to how you are within yourself one moment ago...five minutes ago...One day ago...five years ago...and if you don't change, nothing else will..like Gandhi so aptly stated.

Lower the expectations you have of yourself...The expectations you believe society has of you and live way below your potential, but at the same time, increase this incrementally within your own comfort zone, but try not to let that comfort zone totally take over, bumping you back down into warm, fuzzy victimised complacency.

I wish you all the best.

[Shivani Devi]

As an addendum to the above, I also happen to be one of those people who become rather irate and annoyed when others point out people who have it a lot worse than I do and then try to encourage me to be grateful for all those things I DO have, like a roof over my head, a steady source of income from the Disability Pension, two working arms and legs etc..

Having said that, I will occasionally glean inspiration from those who have overcome insurmountable odds to just exist in this world....It is through that whole experience one realises that there are fates much WORSE than death...and committing suicide is the EASY way out...but, as they say, where there is life, there is hope. Hope is the only emotion which remained within Pandora's Box....hope is the only thing which drives the human species onwards.

I am going to share two stories with you which gives me courage and hope...which restores my faith in humanity and goes to show what a little patience and perseverance can achieve.

The First, is "Torso Man":
https://youtu.be/bmHcDTbp6P0

He said that he would never wish to have arms or legs and be like "everybody else" because that's just way too overrated.

The second one is a miraculous turnaround by a paratrooper who snapped his spine during an exercise when his parachute failed to open properly...doctors said that he would never walk again and now, he runs marathons...

https://youtu.be/GydLoP2iwGQ

These stories always bring a tear to my eye...enjoy.