Quote:
Originally Posted by MissCreativeSpirit
Somewhere along the way when I was young, my family managed to teach me to manifest what I want thru crisis and great strife or drama. Yes I am from an alcoholic family.
I have tried my best to affirm that "all can be easy." But at times I still manifest like I am now, moving cuties in very short notice in great anxiety. Eagerly wanted this, but not in a rough and confusing way. I cannot be the only one that struggles with this!
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Much of what I think of as "negative manifestation" is just karma with an incredibly retrospective delayed reaction...I can usually trace it back to an incident that occurred years ago... one I had totally forgotten about.
Here is a story...I recently learned this lesson "the hard way".
My car is due for registration this week.
The car is an older model and in previous years, it didn't need much work done to it to keep it roadworthy...all of that is starting to change.
In previous years, I got away with it for $200-$300 for inspections and repairs..this year, it was to be a lot different.
I got the quote back from the mechanic...
The car needed a new radiator as it had started to rust, the rear shock absorbers needed replacing, the brake pads needed replacing, the centre bearing was gone, the steering rack needed fixing, two of my tyres were showing signs of wear...there was about a dozen things...to fix this and get my roadworthiness certificate was going to cost $1,000 this year, or else the car would be written off for insurance and it would just be "scrap metal".
Now, I cannot afford another car and I basically only use my car to drive my mother around..
I had $500 on me, so I decided to hit my mother up for a $500 loan for the rest (which I could afford to pay her back in two months).
What followed was a crazy, immense drama...starting with a lecture...
"Dear God! you are SO irresponsible! How could you let things get this bad with your car? Why didn't you get it serviced regularly so these things don't happen? Why can't you go without dining out twice a week so you can put $20 a week aside to afford these things? Haven't you ever heard of a budget? If I loan you this money, it iis called financial enabling! You need professional help from a psychologist to manage your money disorder, I am not going to condone your bad behaviour by giving you a "money fix"..
Note...this was only the third time I had asked her to help me out financially in my life..my reply:
"Thank you, but I guess that puts an end to me being your taxi service pretty much indefiniitely then...you are just going to have to ask my brother (who works and doesnt have any spare time) I am so sorry it has come to this and I am so sorry for asking you..I guess I will just have to apply for a microfinance loan from my local Christian Church....you can always count on those Christians when you can't count on your family."..(she hates Christians with a passion)..
Then she says:
"I have just put the money in your account just now (she still had the number from two years ago when I asked her for a loan of $100), but NEVER ask me again or refusal may offend....but I am SO angry with you, I don't want to talk to you for a while..so don't phone me...when I am ready, I will phone YOU!
However, I realised she was correct...if I didn't have my coffee shop cake and coffee twice a week, if I used slightly less power, found a cheaper mobile plan etc, I could save $20 a week to put towards my car registration so scenes like this would never happen as my family does not have a single compassionate or loving bone in their body...probably where I inherited it from.
I am "attracting narcissists R us" and the trick is in becoming mentally, emotionally and financially independent FROM them, so they have absolutely nothing to hold/lord over you, thus keeping you a captive to their will.
Even though my mother was totally right, I was also annoyed at her...steam was coming out my ears...so I decided to hook up my desktop to my huge TV via VGA cable, put on Google Earth and take a virtual drive around Sulawesi for fun and one day, gonna hook up a steering wheel and pedals to my computer so I can drive around in foreign countries in style....