Being the Chaser is the worst.

[white-dove]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

It's weird, looking back on this, how everything pans out. And how our stories here on the forum are all so similar and yet have such marked differences.

My Twin was the one to share and vocalize most of his feelings while I was having the experience internally. I caught up eventually, but I wasn't as expressive. He was also the one to tell me all his deepest darkest secrets, to unload all the passions and dreams of his life on me, to tell me I knew him better than his own mother, to tell me we could read each other's minds, that it was too intense for him, all this stuff. I've been so scared for so long that I've kept most of my struggle and my thoughts to myself. Even when we broke up in 2015, and he gave me all these reasons, I shrouded my true reaction in secrecy. I did that for three years. I know he didn't pick up on it because he wrote an album talking all about his pain from the loss of our relationship but saying he couldn't see mine. That I had forgotten about him.

I was sick of hiding and pretending with him, even if I energetically felt like I was chasing and waiting every day. So I got it all out on the table and told him everything. Of course he doesn't respond. He can't take the tables turned. He's unloaded all of his intensity on me and word vomited his thoughts and painted me as someone I'm not on an album and played the victim, telling people at his concerts that he wrote his songs "for someone who will not come see him play music." It's such a joke. I was sick of him hijacking the narrative of our relationship. And I was sick of feeling guilty about doing things like moving in with my boyfriend because if Twin "JUST KNEW" that I loved him as much as he claimed to love me on that album of his, then maybe we'd reconcile. I couldn't have that possibility hanging over my head anymore. I needed it to be black and white. I needed me choosing to move forward in a life with my boyfriend to not be Twin's evidence and ammunition of "see, she never loved me anyway." No more.

He's admitted to me a few times that it was too intense for him to handle. He said 10 days with me felt like 10 years. That he's never felt anything like it before or since. I'm not saying he didn't feel it and love me and want me. I'm also not denying his profound selfishness and arrogance. But I know that just because he didn't want to/couldn't be with me doesn't mean he didn't share the same experience.

I can tell myself stories the rest of my life that conflict the information he's shared with me. I can tell myself he "never cared" and "didn't feel what I felt" knowing it's a lie but loving the lie because I can play the victim. But I don't want to spend mental bandwidth thinking about this anymore. And I know that his version of caring and feeling is different than mine because he's an entirely different person. Who needs to go through his own journey back to his soul.

I feel so much my own brokenness and my own imperfection and lack of self love right now that I know even if a miracle came to pass, relationship with Twin and me would not work anyway. So I'm embracing life with a soul mate who guides me tenderly as I figure all my baggage out.

And how does someone respond to a letter that lays out, in perfect English, how horrible things were, how many trials had to be overcome, what she learned, and how she became so happy with a new man because she learned not to accept less than she deserved?

Twin knows he could not have given me what I "deserved." There's no point to all of this.

I cannot believe this whole experience happened to me, and I'm sure it will continue to plague me, energetically. But now at least, for the first time in three years, I feel I won't have to worry about him coming back or staying away. I don't have to hear songs and see numbers and watch poems pop up on Instagram and associate them with some energetic message he's trying to send me. It was driving me crazy. He's just gone now. And I did it. I created a point of no return for my own self. For my own sanity.

I only wish, like all other endings before him, that I could move on fully. I'm afraid that may never happen, but I have no option if the energetic connection remains. In which case I may end up back here in an attempt to manage my anxiety. But I have to stop wanting him to do something or say something. This needs to be a conclusion. And on my terms. This is all I have to offer myself since he had nothing to offer me.

I feel so much like you! I know my TF loves me, like crazy... completely madly! I feel it all the time. It's often overwhelming me.

But he'd forbidden me to write to him. He's refusing to meet me (we were meant to, this summer). It is true I said a silly thing and offended him, but I'm certain it's the intensity he's scared of.

I'm not young, I've had longer-term relationships. I know that I will never love again... at least I won't call it 'love'. It's devastating. But would I turn back the clock to one year ago? I think I would not......

[jmm44]

You're most welcome, Seenthelight. Keep shining your light
xx

[Inika]

Originally Posted by HeartSound

Smart words, shame it is ignored.


Either they want to be with you or they don’t....... It’s really that simple. And trust me a person will stop at nothing to be with the person they want to share their sheets with... or energy..... whatever ...

Stop arm wrestling with yourself.

Immaturity shows un-integrated girls. rather focus on the 'attachment' and 'co-dependant' types of people and posts. They relate to them more.

it is what it is.

I like your post too! Simple, to the point and true......now watch as it gets ignored too lol.

we're not catering to the needy. we'll get ignored.

[Inika]

maybe the point of this thread is seeking another out who has been romantically involved with someone, spent a mass period of time apart, even dated other people, then one day 'wake up and realize' or bump into each other and they lived happily ever after together forever and ever.

which im sure, if you search on the internet you'd find lots of inspiring love stories.

and thats where it stops for me. My idea is not romantic entanglement.
unless it is a romantic love story. Twin flame is greater. when reached the integration of your own female and male energy into 'not needing' someone to fill the role of your 'masculine' or 'feminine' energy in person to be whole. When reaching the twin flame essence within through merging and integrating both energies, you can share the experiences with another who shares the same integration and essence.
this is where 5D is evident. You can be anywhere in the world and still communicate through that essence.
the 3D romance, requres contact to be emails, letters, txt's, meeting up, etc. for there to be 'connection' and validation that it's real.
leads to desperation, neediness, despair (when they dont respond) and all other sorts of tacky emotions which pulls you further away from that twin flame essence and more into staying stuck in old relationship templates.

[white-dove]

Originally Posted by Inika

maybe the point of this thread is seeking another out who has been romantically involved with someone, spent a mass period of time apart, even dated other people, then one day 'wake up and realize' or bump into each other and they lived happily ever after together forever and ever.

which im sure, if you search on the internet you'd find lots of inspiring love stories.

and thats where it stops for me. My idea is not romantic entanglement.
unless it is a romantic love story. Twin flame is greater. when reached the integration of your own female and male energy into 'not needing' someone to fill the role of your 'masculine' or 'feminine' energy in person to be whole. When reaching the twin flame essence within through merging and integrating both energies, you can share the experiences with another who shares the same integration and essence.
this is where 5D is evident. You can be anywhere in the world and still communicate through that essence.
the 3D romance, requres contact to be emails, letters, txt's, meeting up, etc. for there to be 'connection' and validation that it's real.
leads to desperation, neediness, despair (when they dont respond) and all other sorts of tacky emotions which pulls you further away from that twin flame essence and more into staying stuck in old relationship templates.

Inika, that was beautiful. And so, so true - and a realisation I came to, literally yesterday (after spending 10 days panicking and freaking out about not being in 'contact' anymore (that means 3D, the needy kind!!).

Since then I feel.. ooh, divine! I just love feeling his love. Why did I need his emails anyway? They only confused me.

Maybe one day we will meet one another in 'real life'. I hope so. But in the meantime, who cares! We can just keep on enjoying sharing/exchanging our sparkling energy... and discover those bits of ourselves at the same time. It's luurvely.

Last night was weird. We were making amazing telepathic love together... as we do nearly every night!!! And the dynamics were different, in the past he was more dominant and leading, more giving too... and I was really pretty passive (also had no clue what was going on, frankly).. now we're kind of combining and exchanging roles.

At some point I realised that I was him and he was me. Then it changed round again. It is rather strange making love to yourself.

I think it's clear we complete each other and kind of strangely ARE each other, or at least each other in ourselves, if that makes sense.

[ForeverRestless]

Well, it's been almost five months and my attempt to disentangle didn't really work out how I'd hoped. Even if the connection itself dampens, I still have the memories of how things once were, how things can be.

I really made a good-faith effort to sever this thing with my TF and to leave it behind me. In some ways, it worked (I don't think he'll ever want to speak to me again, so I don't have to worry about future interactions torturing me), but I kinda think most of what I achieved was making myself look pathetic or crazy. I mean, we broke up 3.5 years ago. Did I have more dignity when I was keeping my feelings and my experience close to my chest? Now that he knows how much I suffered while being separated from him, does he look down on me as beneath him? Does it matter? I suppose not. I suppose all that matters is how I rebuild my life from here, after having given up the ghost. Or making my most valiant attempt to do so.

There is no going back. You move forward without Twin, try not to dwell on the past. He is gone from my life and it's my task to accept that my life will never live up to the dream that I once got a glimpse of, when I was with him. Maybe I have only manifested this outcome through my own negativity over the years, but it really is a lesser life... accepting plan B, the backup life, the best you can cobble together, considering what you lost.

I know I shouldn't put this all on Twin (it's not like he was the sole key to my happiness; that's on ME), but when it comes to having a romantic relationship, there's just no way to feel content again after Twin. That's the part that sucks the most, and I wish people would acknowledge that more. Or at least teach me how they're able to love their husbands/wives so much after separation from Twin, "just loving them in a different way." Please teach me your ways. I think I need coaching. I suspect the key has something to do with unconditional love for all beings (including the self), no? How do I love my partner unconditionally and comprehensively even with knowing that this love will never measure up to what I had with Twin?

[ssdm1]

My twin amazes me. He's had several marriages that all end in divorce (sometimes he initiates, sometime his ex does) but he easily shuts that down, tucks it away in a nice little box and puts it away, then starts dating, finds some other woman, and he's in another relationship. While I'm stuck loving only him no matter how hard I try to find happiness with someone else.

I think most people "settle." They find someone tolerable, marry, have their kids and go with the flow. I could not do that, I've felt love and I need that love in a relationship but can't find it.

He can't really "love" these women. I'm sure he's found contentment, friendship, attraction, comfort. But how can he move on so easily?

Yet his "relationship" with me is 40 years old and here we still are.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

To be the one who always has to speak up. The one who always has to share. The one who always admits, expresses, confesses and defines. The one who lays herself on the line. The one who chooses to speak rather than be silent. To move forward into her feelings rather than to run and hide.

The one who suffers more? The one who feels more? The one who is emotional, rather than logical. The one who is at the mercy of her feelings rather than a slave to the "3D" world. The one who is tormented by the absence and the silence and finally has to take some action to make a change, rather than relying on inaction, or running the other way.

This is a burden. This is humiliating to make my identity visible at the one who is bothered, the one who is fixated, the one who remains obsessed with the past. The one who was impacted. The one who had no control over feeling things she "shouldn't" have felt, especially three years later. The one who gave up her power by the sheer act of still caring (but would have remained in that unempowered state whether she ever spoke up or not). By still caring at all, I had already lost. I can't be a 3D logical person so easily after meeting my Twin Flame. I couldn't return to the real world so simply. I couldn't just forget what I felt. I had to live with the rough reality of trying to transition back to the life I knew before him, and if it wasn't so easy, shoot me.

I have no idea what he's feeling now that I told him everything in a letter, but I know I'm the one who took everything upon my shoulders. And it's something I had to do in order to end the vicious cycle. In order to stop breaking my heart every day just wondering what might have happened IF HE ONLY KNEW. Now that he knows, it feels like a severing has occurred. And my heart can be disentangled from him. Even if speaking about the truth of my experience made me look like a fool, the benefit is being loving to myself. I love myself more than I care what he thinks of me, and I have begun the process of setting myself free. I don't have to think "what if" anymore! Now, it's WHAT IS. Only when something becomes a definite, rather than a maybe, can I process it as my reality. And I've done that for myself. And yes, it makes me feel anxious, but I'm just hoping it will help me move forward.

I'm angry that I got the chaser role in all of this. I'm angry at the pull the runner has over we chasers. But I accept that it is what it is, and I have to own who I am and what my role is in this dynamic, whether I chose it or not. I will try not to care what others think of me... even if they are my Twin Flame. This is the beginning of a new era. Everything else was just limbo. I'm excited for what's to come. I just hope I can embrace it all without breaking under the weight of my own embarrassment.

Any other chasers here ever been embarrassed by what they admitted to their Runner, but at the same time, empowered by the fact that they told their truth, rather than hiding in the shadows? Some empathy as I go through this process would be amazing right now.

I feel for you, it is difficult, but in love it always is.
I do not agree that the runners have an advantage, not at all! They run for a reason: they're scared! Overwhelmed. Freaking scared.
In a way the chaser has the advantage because i think it is easier for a chaser to stop chasing than it is for a runner to stop running.
But in actual fact both parties suffer. Blaming the other for what you yourself have done for 3 years isn't fair. It's not their responsibility that you did that, it's your own.
It is your own ego with all its issues and fears that made you do that, not his. This is the lesson of deep soul connection, to trigger you so you do the work on these things. If you don't, you can end up running or chasing for the rest of your life. But that is not the other's doing, it's your own choice.
It's not an act of love either to chase. You may think so, but it's an act of fear, ego, co-dependency.
Love would not chase. It would simply love, not blame, not feel angry, hurt and upset.
Needing the other to know how you feel is also needing an external factor for you to feel good. A sign that you are latching on to something -someone- because you cannot deal with your own pain and issues.
In actual fact, chasing is running away too; running away from facing your own issues.

So sure, I feel for you. It isn't easy. It never is. But blaming the other for your suffering is wrong. That was your choice and you could've ended it at any point in time. You chose to give your power away to him, he didn't have it, nor want it.
Now you've taken it back and are angry, understandable, but I wonder, who are you really angry with? Yourself for having done this to yourself for so long?

Wishing you all the best. Be nice to yourself, and I hope at some point you can come to forgiveness, mostly of yourself.