Hello, this is my first time back to this place in a long time. I used to be on this site around 7 years ago, but I have gone through a plethora of emails and user names through various websites since then, so for the life of me I cannot remember my old account. Also, its nice to have a clean slate every now and then right?
I want to explain why I have been so interested in psychic ability and spirituality since I was a child.
When I was a child very very young child like 4 or 5 I noticed that sometimes when I focused I could almost control wind speed and direction. But then as I got older I was told magic and such was bullcrap, so as I got older I thought it was simply my imagination.
Also, I would occasionally have dreams of the future, from a young age, like 7 or 8 or so, but I thought it was mere coincidence that my dreams and reality matched so closely.
Then I started watching a show, many of you have probably heard of it or seen it Avatar The Last Airbender. I was about 10 or so at the time, and with an active imagination I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be cool if I could do that?!". I was inside my house and I lit a candle because I wanted to try "fire-bending". But to my amazement I could actually control the flame. When I would really focus I could make the fire dance around like crazy and grow larger, and when I would release control it would go to its calm normal state. And keep in mind, I was inside with no fans on or windows open. I tried to tell my friends about it, but they all laughed at me so I stopped doing it because I convinced myself I was making it up.
Also until I was about 14 I was a devout Christian, and I felt like using any sort of "magic" was forbidden, so I felt guilty for trying to use any power. Now days I believe that psychic ability comes from whatever God is, because in reality we have no idea what God really is and I don't think we could possibly fathom it, or even if it is a conscious entity or not. But whatever spiritual force is behind everything I now believe gives us psychic ability. In fact now I use the Bible as a bit of support for psychic ability because in the Bible Jesus says we can perform all he did and more if we simply have faith.
Then at about 13 I started having more dreams that came true, but they started happening like crazy. I would have one of these dreams at least once a week till I turned about 18.
After about a year of this I started doing some research, and taking into account all that stuff from my childhood I realized I had psychic ability. So I delved into it and started trying to improve.
Then I started doing drugs.... surprisingly my prophetic dreams increased 3 fold (
no I am not encouraging drug use for ANY REASON!!!). But for the most part I didn't practice my psychic skills during this time. Well actually that is a lie, I practice one skill. I pick up on emotions very easily, and through that I also learned how to somewhat manipulate other people through enforcing my will on them. A horrible thing to do, and it was entirely unethical.
When I stopped using, around when I turned 18, I felt I had lost most of my connection to my spirituality and psychic skills. My prophetic dreams had almost completely stopped. I would get one maybe once a month if I was lucky.
Now I am 21 years old, and I am tired of feeling that disconnect from my spirit and psychic ability. For the last few years I almost feel as though a limb has been severed, and I am tired of it. On top of it my soul feels, for lack of a better word, corrupted. I began to hate so much and I felt so much anger for the last few years, since around when I stopped using, that I feel like it has stained my soul. My anger was directed at my brother and his friends who continued to use. Not only that, but my brother I realized was a complete addict. And I had this anger in me that I let affect every part of my life.
I was always blowing up on the people closest to me, I was isolating myself, and I almost lost everyone. My girlfriend, my friends, and my family.
Then in January my brother died. Overdose/suicide. And as horrible as it is to say when he died so did my anger. In fact the day he died, even before I knew of his death, I felt this anger disappear. I was going to apologize to my brother for pushing him away, I was going to tell him I loved him, and I wanted him to stop using. Then right when I went to do that I learned it was too late.
Part of me thinks that part of my anger was not only towards my brother, but its like it came from my brother. I think he felt angry and sad, I mean obviously because he killed himself, and I think I tapped into that.
Now that I don't feel that same anger blocking my path I was to begin to delve more into my spirituality again. I want to be able to use my psychic ability again. I have been somewhat lately. I have been having more prophetic dreams over the last 2 months or so, and I have been able to perform minor feats of energy manipulation.
I have also been called a crystal child a few times, but if that is true or not I cannot say. I had it told to me in a psychic reading, from a lady in a spiritual bookstore, and from one of my friends after I performed a bit of energy healing.
So yeah. That is my story of why I am interested in spirituality and psychic ability. Hopefully that wasn't too much for a welcome.... I look forward to having discussions with you all
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